WASHINGTON D.C. – Citing issues with voting by mail, U.S. President Donald Trump suggested a delay to November’s presidential election to just after disease and destruction consumes his ma...
Ford government unveils school plan to send kids back to school and let them formulate a plan
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has released his fall school plan, which will see the province’s school children return to class in September in order to brainstorm an actual pand...
Please don’t make me risk getting COVID to teach, especially that prick Noah
By: Cathy Mitglied, grade 5 teacher The Ontario government has announced that in September schools will reopen with regular class sizes and curriculum. Although they say there will be “enhanced&...
Canadian and Mexican governments hope U.S. doesn’t notice tunnel being built underneath it
NORTH AMERICA – Despite being undiscovered since April, Canadian and Mexican officials are remaining firm in keeping the massive tunnel allowing travel between the two countries by going beneath...
Search and rescue for matching Tupperware lid in kitchen drawer enters 5th hour
EDMONTON – Authorities have confirmed that a search and rescue operation for a lid to match the Tupperware container sitting on the kitchen counter of a local homeowner has now passed the four-hour ma...
Canadian Army stands down after Schitt’s Creek gets 15 Emmy nominations
OTTAWA – A violent international incident has been averted as the U.S.-based Academy of Television Arts & Sciences recognized the final season of the Canadian TV show Schitt’s Creek with the...
Disney World Darth Vader actually having trouble breathing
ORLANDO, FL – Numerous Disney World customers were annoyed after one of the actors playing Darth Vader actually had trouble breathing due to contracting corona-virus from park patrons. “It just ...
I support free speech unless someone tells me I am wrong
By J.K. Rowling Dear Potterheads, I know you may be angry with me about some recent ‘truth potions’ I threw your way. But before you go and judge me please remember; I will sue you. I feel it is my du...
2020 Song of Summer is your colleagues yelling “You’re on mute!”
TORONTO, ON – After several weeks of indecision, it was finally revealed that the official 2020 summer song is your colleagues yelling “You’re On Mute!” Sure to be a classic for years to come, “...
Kielburgers start ethics committee testimony by asking if MPs want to donate to WE Charity
OTTAWA – In their opening statements before the committee investigating alleged conflicts of interest between them and Justin Trudeau in the awarding of the student grant program, Craig and Marc...
