EL PASO, TX — After accepting responsibility for fellow detained migrant child José Estada, age 3, Carlos Lopez, 11, has expressed concerns that he is not living up to the responsibility of…
U.S.
John Bolton resigns to spend more time urging his family to invade Iran
WASHINGTON D.C. — After being asked to resign by the President, National Security Advisor Jon Bolton has left the Trump Administration to spend more time lobbying his family to invade the c…
Trump loses interest in buying Greenland after learning it isn’t a money-themed amusement park
WASHINGTON, DC – Following reports that US President Donald Trump has made numerous inquiries into buying Greenland, several White House staffers have revealed Trump’s initially keen intere…
America’s wealthy perverts unsure which of them actually staged Epstein suicide
NEW YORK — Following the death of jailed multimillionaire financier and accused sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, America’s billionaire creeps were left uncertain which of their many hired fi…
Regretful voting machine lobby realizes Mitch McConnell would have blocked election security bills for free
WASHINGTON – Lobbyists for the companies that make electronic voting machines used in American elections are apologizing profusely to the industry that funds them for wasting money attempti…
In testimony, Robert Mueller reaffirms commitment to never saying or doing anything helpful
WASHINGTON D.C. — Speaking yesterday to two House Committees, Special Counsel Robert Mueller boldy restated his pledge to never ever take any action that would possibly help to hold Preside…
Pence assures Americans that concentration camp he just toured could never happen here
MCALLEN, TX — After stoically touring a migrant detention center with nearly 400 men crammed inside fenced cages, Vice President Mike Pence assured the American people that this kind of bar…
‘Recognizing fascism is the first step to combating fascism’ says man doing none of the other steps
HOUSTON – “Recognizing fascism is the first step to combating fascism”, reads the latest Facebook post from local man Jeremy Sanders, who has yet to follow up with any of the other steps. “…
Contrite Acosta insists given second chance he would hide Epstein’s sex trafficking completely differently
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following this week’s indictment of wealthy serial child abuser Jeffrey Epstein, Labor Secretary Alexander Acosta responded has discussed his involvement in a controversia…
Anti-abortion politician supports exceptions for rape, incest, and being his mistress
WASHINGTON D.C. — United States politician Herb Phillman has unveiled a bold new stance on the controversial issue of abortion bans by proposing exceptions in instances of rape, incest, and being…