WASHINGTON – The Republican party sent out a press release earlier today confirming their long-held stance that the boundaries of human life begin at conception and end at the exact moment …
U.S.
Nation forbids Mueller from playing games on his iPad until final report is handed in
Washington, DC – After the dismissal of Attorney General Jeff Sessions this week, the U.S. nation has expressed great concerns regarding the likelihood of Robert Mueller’s report on the Rus…
Millions of Americans line up to give Ruth Bader Ginsburg one of their ribs
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Millions of Americans across the country swarmed their local hospitals Thursday, offering up their ribs to Ruth Bader Ginsburg. The long-serving Supreme Court Justice fra…
Trump fires Jeff Sessions as ‘treat to self’ after 6 days without constitutional crisis
WASHINGTON D.C. — United States Attorney General Jeff Sessions has resigned at the president’s request, a move Trump took as a reward to himself after lasting 6 whole days since his last co…
Breaking: Celebrity voted
LOS ANGELES – According to widely shared posts on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, a popular celebrity has voted in the U.S. midterm elections. “I can’t be entirely sure, since I’ve never r…
Prince’s estate sues Trump for using his music at criminally unsexy political rallies
WASHINGTON, DC – This week, representatives of Prince ordered Donald Trump to immediately cease use of the deceased pop star’s funky, stimulating grooves at rallies that were described as “patent…
Mail bomber arrest ends exhaustive search for Trump 2020 Campaign Chairman
Plantation, FL — Following a string of mail bombs sent to Democrat leaders and CNN, authorities have arrested a man who was immediately offered a position as Trump 2020 campaign chairman. T…
Abortion compromise: Republican feminists fight for right to arm vaginas
WASHINGTON, D.C – Maintaining their pro-life, pro-gun stance, a Republican feminist initiative, is fighting to protect women’s rights by allowing them to arm their vaginas. The “Women’s Rig…
NRA announces appropriate time to discuss gun control was just then and now it’s gone
Fairfax, Virginia – The National Rifle Association announced that the appropriate time to discuss gun control had finally arrived. The moment came at exactly 6:45 ET this morning and lasted…
Republicans praise thoroughness of blank piece of paper with “Kavanaugh FBI Investigation” written on it
WASHINGTON D.C. — Senators Flake, Collins, and the rest of the GOP are praising the FBI’s report on their investigation into Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, which consists entirely o…
