WASHINGTON D.C. – In the most successful midterm election since 1974 Democrats have retaken control of the House and Senate thanks, primarily, to Canadian meddling. “Sure we started a…
U.S.
Giddy Chuck Schumer already preparing excuses for letting Trump still get away with everything
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following Tuesday’s “Blue Wave” midterm elections, Senator Chuck Schumer is reportedly already hard at work on a long list of reasons why President Trump can …
Mitch McConnell speechless after US Midterm Elections
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following midterm elections that saw Democrats take control of both the Senate and House of Representatives, former Republican Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell offe…
Detailed analysis of U.S. Midterms provided by man who forgot to vote in last Canadian election
Guelph, ON – Local man Mark Nellis, who “totally meant” to vote in the last Canadian election but forgot, is currently providing a thoughtful and considerate analysis of Tuesday…
Joe Rogan relieved his fans too concussed to remember he campaigned for Trump
AUSTIN, TX – With pollsters predicting a massive midterm repudiation of U.S. President Donald Trump, podcaster Joe Rogan has expressed relief that his millions of fans have mostly suffered …
Calls to ICE tipline about Bolsonaro going straight to voicemail
UNDISCLOSED, U.S.A – Thousands of callers seeking to report to ICE the recent irregular entry of foreigner and accused criminal Flávio Bolsonaro have been shocked to discover that their reports a…
Pete Hegseth carefully weighing whether livestreamed execution will be sponsored by FanDuel or Nashville Fried Chicken Doritos
WASHINGTON D.C. – Addressing the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth carefully laid out a variety of options for which brand would sponsor his upcoming livestreamed public …
Trump becomes only object on Earth exempt from Canadian urge to apologize
CANADA – After beginning a trade war with Canada over its refusal to join the United States, Donald Trump this week said he expects Canada to come to him and say “sir, we are sorry,” for th…
Trump reduces White House Press Corps to Stephen Miller in a moustache, various podcasters
WASHINGTON D.C. – After banning press outlets including CNN, MS Now, and Politico, President Donald Trump has removed numerous other journalists, leaving only those he trusts to portray him…
Trump notes that falling asleep onstage at 9/11 ceremony technically counts as moment of silence
ARLINGTON COUNTY, VA – Awakening briefly, President Trump addressed Americans assembled to pay their respects to the victims of the September 11th attacks, insisting that his mid-morning na…
