“It just kind of ruined the magic for us,” said Dalton Werner, father of six. “We came to Disney to have a good time and this actor just breaks character? Darth Vader breathed weird in the movies, but he never actually coughed or grabbed a chair to catch his breath like that.”
“Plus the Luke versus Darth stunt battle was much shorter than it should have been,” added Werner.
In response, Disney released a statement saying, “Nothing is more important to us than our customers, their experience, and of course their money. Truly, NOTHING is more important. The actor has now been sent to a galaxy far, far away, meaning that he has been fired and will not be receiving employee health benefits.”
Several other notable moments have occurred with actors since the amusement park re-opened during the outbreak in Florida, including Dumbo’s mother being arrested for peacefully protesting, Star-Lord having to visit his genuinely sick mother in the hospital, and the actor playing Bambi’s mother actually dying in front of the actor who plays Bambi after contracting COVID from a park-goer.
“We are very concerned about this new crisis, specifically the crisis of park performers not sticking to character,” said Disney execs. “At the very least, our actors should stay in character if they’re suffering. For example, if the actor playing Elsa is having the chills due to sickness, at the very least say ‘the cold doesn’t bother me anyway’ or something.”
Execs highlighted an “example of great teamwork” in the time when the replacement Darth Vader actor ‘force-choked’ a fellow actor until that person actually passed out from not being able to breathe due to COVID.
“That was a perfect example of staying in character for the park, even if the force choked actor was playing Donald Duck.”
In related news, Disney World will now be incorporating the twist ending from Monsters Inc. as inspiration for their new park ride which just sucks the life energy directly out of children.