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National
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- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
Trudeau saddened that WE Charity controversy means government will have to do its own job

As U.S. celebrates 155 years since end of slavery, Canada celebrates 153 years of pretending we never had slavery

Canada wins seat on UN Insecurity Council

Trudeau ends arrests for CERB fraud after discovering money is being hidden in foreign tax havens

Black Lives Matter lawn sign is white neighbourhood’s most esteemed activist

Summer camp closure leaves masked killer with too much free time

Condo developers seek help from Marginalized Community on where to gentrify next

5 great excuses not to hang out when you’re free all the time now and they know it

John Tory seeks compromise, offers to de-fun the police

Torontonians celebrate stage 2 of reopening by continuing to do all the things they weren’t supposed to do before

TTC employees admit delays “just don’t feel the same” without angry commuters

Toronto Police Service seeks bold new leader committed to the status quo

Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again

Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago

Still searching for buyer, Montreal Alouettes now listed as fully furnished

New law requires Quebec to show its racism visibly

Huawei paid us $150 to write this article calling for the acquittal of Meng Wangzhou

City that hosted 2010 Winter Olympics fails to prepare for snow again

Impeachment hearings relocated to Vancouver to reduce production costs

Oh great, the Gastown Steam Clock is vaping now

Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one

Conservation officers safely tranquilize municipal elections candidate wandering through neighbourhood

Dempster Highway to be renamed after bread company’s sponsorship ends

Dawson City River fountain deemed a success

Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt

Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation

Low-income student receiving free tuition to be given Ontario’s $348 billion debt next year

University-aged Buck-a-Beer connoisseurs taste the subtle hints of intoxication

Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

OCAD University: University Reviews 2014

Ryerson University: The Beaverton University Reviews

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party

Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
Humanity at point where it’s honestly fine with robots taking over

UK government advises residents to pick up cricket bat, wait by door for coronavirus

North Korean officials claim Kim Jong-un not dead, just messy bitch who loves drama

Japan, IOC postpone all 2020 Olympic events except fencing

FBI promises to expedite process of Epstein associate mysteriously hanging herself in prison

Businessman Trump masterfully convinces Putin to lower bounty on US soldiers by 2%

OP-ED: “We must throw money at the police until they are too buried in money to continue with their racist malarkey” by Joe Biden

Woman who sold pussy hats in Etsy shop couldn’t make BLM protest

Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation

Portraits of Canadiocity: Martin Luther King Jr

Canadians Learn About Gandhi and Serial Killer Gilles de Rais
Sports
- Sports
NHL chooses Toronto as hub city due its fans having most experience watching other teams win

UFC Fight Island inhabitants resist allure of the Conch, establish socialist utopia

Desperate TSN programmer just gonna start airing his high school hockey games

Japan, IOC postpone all 2020 Olympic events except fencing
Business
- Business
Disney’s Splash Mountain loses coveted title of 4th most racist mountain in America

Air Canada promises 100 bonus Aeroplan Miles to any passenger that gets COVID

Finally a mask for men! This one has a lil dump truck on it

Dixie Cups quietly changes name to Cups
Culture
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- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
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- Stats
- Classifieds
Toddler finally has time to catch up with latest season of Doc McStuffins

Study: You’re not a Slytherin, you’re an asshole

Ben Mulroney steps aside from ETalk to make space for White Saviour complex

Aspiring writer makes it to screenwriting competition finals with 19,000 others

Optimistic woman only burns June pages of 2020 planner

Burglar who hid under bed to avoid getting caught has been waiting two months for woman to leave apartment

Spine of woman crouched in front of laptop achieves Golden Ratio

Canada Post overwhelmed by volume of wistful love-letters sent to nation’s eyebrow estheticians

Finally a mask for men! This one has a lil dump truck on it

Health officials recall masks after reports that they are a little uncomfortable and look weird

Local man exhausted after spending whole day accomplishing nothing

Health Canada orders all people to wear full-body costumes from the Masked Singer when out in public

OP-ED: “We must throw money at the police until they are too buried in money to continue with their racist malarkey” by Joe Biden

OPINION: It is nobody’s business what Lindsey Graham does in the privacy of his own voting record

Heartwarming! Major newspaper chain continues to publish deranged rants of ignorant old man

It’s not fair to judge all police officers based on the few bad apples we violently defend at all costs

Friend with young kids clearly fantasizing about murdering you as you describe how boring isolation has been

Weird couple names their son “John”

Baby celebrating first birthday just happy so many shapes could make it

Nation’s toddlers refusing to budge on no-nap policy

86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages

2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview

Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles

What are you dressing up as for Halloween?

LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Freethinker! This woman found a way to criticize Trump that didn’t involve celebrating a war criminal

Inclusivity win! Hallmark introduces golf-free Father’s Day cards

5 Father’s Day gifts that will almost make up for not going to law school

Disgusting: This woman says she misses brunch

You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?

You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?

You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?

You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?

QUIZ: Did you time travel or just nap until it got dark out?

QUIZ: Is your essay too short, or are post-secondary treatises a futile and meaningless exercise in quantifying intellectual abilities in a way that presents a moral and physical hardship to their creator?

QUIZ: Have you made an informed decision not to have children or are you a selfish witch?

Quiz: What future Canadian drug shortage caused by the US will you die in?

10 things Doug Ford has already used the notwithstanding clause on

6 rugs that are actually just clothes you left on the floor

5 effortless pottery overalls worn by calmer women than you

These 5 people now live in P.E.I. because they couldn’t pay the $47 Confederation Bridge toll

How To Go Vegan…Next Week

Guide To: Edmonton

Guide To: St.John’s

How To Lose Weight
Video
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Wretched old man brings you trash you asked for

White man brags about how diverse Toronto is to his group of white friends

The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special

Strategic Voting succeeds in preventing any real change to system

The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special

Watch: Season 3, Episode 8

Watch: Season 3, Episode 7

Watch: Season 3, Episode 6
Podcasts
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Trans activists make absurd demand to be treated like human beings

Doug Ford demands Green Party apologize for letting Oshawa GM Plant close

St. Michael’s principal promises to restore school to acceptable levels of toxic masculinity

The Beaverton will pay whatever it takes to not see Tony Clement’s dick
The Book
Workshops

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

November 7, 2010 by Staff

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ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
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NHL chooses Toronto as hub city due its fans having most experience watching other teams win
Defunded police officer forced to buy own cocaine to plant on people
Doug Ford announces he couldn’t participate in online Pride since he was already logged onto a virtual cottage
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