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ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY...

National
- National
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- Toronto
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- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
Person you would never trust with a gun also a pro-gun advocate

Kielburgers inspire children nationwide to run away from their problems

Erin O’Toole can’t understand why Lügenpresse are criticizing his Canada First policy

Parents relieved to send kids back to school for 3 weeks before they shut down again

Local man vows to get even less done during second wave of COVID

Retired thief concerned window is closing for one last heist

Mask-wearing woman rehearses judgmental glare before taking public transit

Local Becky levels-up, achieves final Karen form

Beloved condo development torn down to make way for new condo development

“I bike everywhere!” brags cyclist who can afford living downtown

550 Toronto men tell wives they are getting COVID tests “for no particular reason”

Toronto Catholic schools to reopen so kids will be with God sooner

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again

Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago

Still searching for buyer, Montreal Alouettes now listed as fully furnished

Canucks fan doesn’t want to talk about it

Huawei paid us $150 to write this article calling for the acquittal of Meng Wangzhou

City that hosted 2010 Winter Olympics fails to prepare for snow again

Impeachment hearings relocated to Vancouver to reduce production costs

Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one

Conservation officers safely tranquilize municipal elections candidate wandering through neighbourhood

Dempster Highway to be renamed after bread company’s sponsorship ends

Dawson City River fountain deemed a success

Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s

Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt

Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation

Low-income student receiving free tuition to be given Ontario’s $348 billion debt next year

Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

OCAD University: University Reviews 2014

Ryerson University: The Beaverton University Reviews

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party

Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
Parents no longer consoling kids with: ‘it’s not the end of the world’

UN charity asks world to donate cell phone data to needy Canadians

Putin assures world COVID-19 vaccine has been rigorously tested on political opponents

Humanity at point where it’s honestly fine with robots taking over

Leaked documents reveal Trump met with West Coast wildfire in early July

Trump endorsed by Pseudoscientific American Magazine

Trump slams Bob Woodward for waiting months to expose his lies about coronavirus

Trump vows to wow RNC audiences by crawling out of their televisions and strangling them

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation

Portraits of Canadiocity: Martin Luther King Jr
Sports
- Sports
Canucks fan doesn’t want to talk about it

Tough NHL players able to play through injuries, civil rights movements

Chris Cuthbert interrupts scintillating promo for new CBC Gem show with silly hockey game

“How could the ref not see that?” yells hockey fan willfully blind to sport’s co-opting by far right
Business
- Business
MEC reassures customers they’ll still charge $800 per sleeping bag

Restaurants require female servers to wear skimpier face masks

Single-ply toilet paper industry saved by school re-openings

Tooth Fairy e-transfers kid in quarantine 25 cents
Culture
- Culture
- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
- Parenting
- Stats
- Classifieds
Schitt’s Creek Emmy sweep inspires Canadian government to add another nickel to arts funding jar

Zack Snyder releases Justice League “Perfect Cut” which begins at end credits

Report: All Samuel Beckett’s plays originally ended with the words “GET IT??????”

Netflix adds Canada filter to American shows by removing scenes where characters wear shoes inside the house

“I’m chill about menstruation,” boasts man who has obviously never heard of chunky days

Woman’s retirement plan crumbles after she accounts for living, laughing, but not loving

Optimistic woman only burns June pages of 2020 planner

Burglar who hid under bed to avoid getting caught has been waiting two months for woman to leave apartment

Latest US outbreak traced to Coronavirus eating contest

Canadian in line for COVID test recovers from virus by time he gets to the front

Epidemiologists expect second wave of fuckwittery to be worse than the first

Colony of mask pimples enter industrial revolution

EDITORIAL: Sick teachers are a small price to pay to get me the hell away from the horrible kids I made by choice

Where are all these Covid parties and why am I not invited?

EDITORIAL: The WE scandal proves that charities fucking suck at doing crimes

Editorial: Fine I’ll wear a mask but I want people to see my new nose job

Local father relies on tattoo to remind himself of children’s names

Friend with young kids clearly fantasizing about murdering you as you describe how boring isolation has been

Weird couple names their son “John”

Baby celebrating first birthday just happy so many shapes could make it

86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages

2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview

Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles

What are you dressing up as for Halloween?

LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Face masks replaces Tim Hortons cups as Canada’s preferred public litter

Heartwarming! This kid is scared of her first day of school for regular reasons

Piccolo, Knuckles and 4 other cartoon characters you didn’t know are Black

Fascinating! Scientists reconstruct what historical figures really looked like and they all look like Steve Buscemi

You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?

You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?

You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?

You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?

QUIZ: Did you time travel or just nap until it got dark out?

QUIZ: Is your essay too short, or are post-secondary treatises a futile and meaningless exercise in quantifying intellectual abilities in a way that presents a moral and physical hardship to their creator?

QUIZ: Have you made an informed decision not to have children or are you a selfish witch?

Quiz: What future Canadian drug shortage caused by the US will you die in?

10 things Doug Ford has already used the notwithstanding clause on

6 rugs that are actually just clothes you left on the floor

5 effortless pottery overalls worn by calmer women than you

These 5 people now live in P.E.I. because they couldn’t pay the $47 Confederation Bridge toll

How To Go Vegan…Next Week

Guide To: Edmonton

Guide To: St.John’s

How To Lose Weight
Video
- Videos
- Full Episodes
Wretched old man brings you trash you asked for

White man brags about how diverse Toronto is to his group of white friends

The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special

Strategic Voting succeeds in preventing any real change to system

The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special

Watch: Season 3, Episode 8

Watch: Season 3, Episode 7

Watch: Season 3, Episode 6
Podcasts
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Trans activists make absurd demand to be treated like human beings

Doug Ford demands Green Party apologize for letting Oshawa GM Plant close

St. Michael’s principal promises to restore school to acceptable levels of toxic masculinity

The Beaverton will pay whatever it takes to not see Tony Clement’s dick
The Book
Workshops

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

November 7, 2010 by Staff

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ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
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Netflix adds Canada filter to American shows by removing scenes where characters wear shoes inside the house
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