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National
- National
- Local
- Toronto
- Montreal
- Vancouver
- North
- Campus
- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
Liberal fiscal update confirms “Shit’s Fucked”

Canada threatens to leave Commonwealth after being ignored in Netflix’s “The Crown”

Andrew Scheer officially passes John A. Macdonald as best grifter in Parliament history

Government reassures Canadians who ran out of EI they are still eligible for “Call Your Parents” benefit

Local child living in sewers feels misled by Ninja Turtles

30 year old uses same tone telling toddler not to eat lego as she does telling parents not to go on cruise

Local man not going to take coronavirus seriously until family member lay dying in hospital bed

Woman’s opinion about to get some really good traction after this guy says it

You’ll never believe what Rogers is going to replace the SkyDome with and yeah you’re right it’s condos

Media enters 4th day of wall-to-wall coverage over mediocre BBQ restaurant

Man who never stopped following lockdown protocols welcomes friends back with piercing, joyless laugh

City of Toronto now claims giving change to homeless people is tax evasion

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again

Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago

Still searching for buyer, Montreal Alouettes now listed as fully furnished

iPhone battery collapsing from 100% to 1% signals arrival of winter

Canucks fan doesn’t want to talk about it

Huawei paid us $150 to write this article calling for the acquittal of Meng Wangzhou

City that hosted 2010 Winter Olympics fails to prepare for snow again

Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter

Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one

Conservation officers safely tranquilize municipal elections candidate wandering through neighbourhood

Dempster Highway to be renamed after bread company’s sponsorship ends

Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s

Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt

Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation

Low-income student receiving free tuition to be given Ontario’s $348 billion debt next year

Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

OCAD University: University Reviews 2014

Ryerson University: The Beaverton University Reviews

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party

Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
Milky Way galaxy shut down after discovery of human fighting ring

Pope Francis supports gay civil unions in an attempt to bring Catholicism into the ‘90s

Entire world stocking up on celebration champagne “for no reason, just in case”

Global security threat infects global security threat

Trump supporters upset President never shot man on Fifth Avenue like he promised he would

Attempted coup in global superpower much goofier than expected

Toby Keith, 3 Doors Down excited for invitation to play Biden inauguration

Trump pivots to claiming he actually won 2008 election

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation

Portraits of Canadiocity: Martin Luther King Jr
Sports
- Sports
In preparation for Florida move Raptors replace logo with image of shirtless man shooting fireworks at an Alligator

Hundreds of Leafs fans demand the NHL “stops the steal” of the Stanley Cup

“Athletes have the easiest job ever,” says man who would cry if his employer traded him to Winnipeg

Breaking: Stanley Cup won 6 days ago
Business
- Business
Black Friday shoppers prepare for outdoor bloodbath this year

Woman’s opinion about to get some really good traction after this guy says it

Comedy industry not sure if it can survive without physical location for sexual predators to thrive

Study: 90% of Canadians unable to say name Fabricland without immediately repeating it faster and louder
Culture
- Culture
- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
- Parenting
- Stats
- Classifieds
Local murderers team up for podcast on white women

Struggling single mother awarded grant to continue pursuing her fledgling music career

Straight man brags about being only straight man in theatre school

The Crown blasted for repeated portrayal of Britain

Rising COVID case numbers risk killing vibe at house party

Canadian vampires can’t agree if blood should come in bags, jugs, or cartons

“I’m chill about menstruation,” boasts man who has obviously never heard of chunky days

Woman’s retirement plan crumbles after she accounts for living, laughing, but not loving

Midwives offer contactless deliveries

Aunt Ruth to finally take COVID seriously now that she knows dogs can catch it

REPORT: Couples most successful at quarantining when one a master of disguise

COVID cases replaces racism as thing Canadians think they handle better than the States

Veterans fought for my freedom to kill them with COVID-19

Editorial: I could have saved you from all of this, you beautiful little fools – By Jeb Bush

Straw man is idiot

EDITORIAL: Sick teachers are a small price to pay to get me the hell away from the horrible kids I made by choice

‘So far so good’ reports baby carrying around Ming Dynasty vase

Parents think world-ending catastrophe actually huge opportunity for you

Local father relies on tattoo to remind himself of children’s names

Friend with young kids clearly fantasizing about murdering you as you describe how boring isolation has been

86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages

2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview

Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles

What are you dressing up as for Halloween?

LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Highlights of U.S. Election Day

People are looking at your LinkedIn profile, and boy are they horrified!

Mental health experts recommend eating a block of Parmesan over the sink and lying about it

Adorable? This cow and dog are best friends but the cow keeps feeding the dog QAnon propaganda

You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?

You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?

You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?

You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?

QUIZ: Did you time travel or just nap until it got dark out?

QUIZ: Is your essay too short, or are post-secondary treatises a futile and meaningless exercise in quantifying intellectual abilities in a way that presents a moral and physical hardship to their creator?

QUIZ: Have you made an informed decision not to have children or are you a selfish witch?

Quiz: What future Canadian drug shortage caused by the US will you die in?

Highlights of U.S. Election Day

10 things Doug Ford has already used the notwithstanding clause on

6 rugs that are actually just clothes you left on the floor

5 effortless pottery overalls worn by calmer women than you

How To Go Vegan…Next Week

Guide To: Edmonton

Guide To: St.John’s

How To Lose Weight
Video
- Videos
- Full Episodes
Wretched old man brings you trash you asked for

White man brags about how diverse Toronto is to his group of white friends

The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special

Strategic Voting succeeds in preventing any real change to system

The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special

Watch: Season 3, Episode 8

Watch: Season 3, Episode 7

Watch: Season 3, Episode 6
Support
The Book
Workshops

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

November 7, 2010 by Staff

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ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
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