HALIFAX – Experts are puzzled after scientists proposed a 2 week emergency lockdown, only to have Nova Scotian premier Rankin actually institute it, rather than ignoring them, lying to them…
Doug Ford relieved to have paid sick days after workplace COVID exposure
ETOBICOKE, ON – After coming into contact with a coworker who tested positive for COVID-19, Premier Doug Ford is reportedly “hugely relieved” to have paid sick days to isolate at home, as p…
Washington Post dares to ask: “Who the fuck is Doug Ford?”
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Ontarians roundly criticizing Premier Doug Ford’s failed COVID-19 response, many were surprised to see leading American newspaper The Washington Post publish an Op-Ed…
Jacob unveils plans to eat that for a dollar
MONCTON, NB – Speaking to an assembled crowd outside of his 2nd grade classroom, 8-year-old Jacob Moir has announced that he intends to eat any substance his classmates can name and provide…
Doug Ford clarifies Yorkdale Mall still open for essential Versace, BVLGARI, and Fendi supplies
TORONTO – With a video of packed crowds at Toronto’s Yorkdale Mall going viral, just 3 days after Doug Ford announced a province-wide shutdown, today the Premier clarified that the high-end…
CDC warns of ‘catastrophic surplus of hornt-up energy’ as Regé-Jean Page exits Bridgerton Season 2
ATLANTA – One of the top officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warned on Tuesday that health experts foresee dangerous amounts of pent-up horny energy, with no opportu…
Ford applauds efficiency of press secretary/Sun columnist relationship
QUEEN’S PARK – Following the revelation of an undisclosed romantic relationship between OPC Director of Media Relations Ivana Yelich and Toronto Sun political columnist Brian Lilley, Premie…
Local man relieved COVID symptoms actually just depression
CALGARY, AB – After displaying numerous symptoms of COVID-19, local accounts manager Bryan Gramble has reported feeling a wave of relief upon discovering all of the symptoms were actually r…
Editorial: Woke cancel culture has gone too far and no, I don’t have any specific examples – by Rex Murphy
by Rex Murphy Well, the illiberal cultural warriors are at it again, imposing their dogmatic doctrines to cancel innocent citizens who don’t share their woke views, although no, I’m not currently…
WandaVision finale rumoured to finally bring Alf to Marvel Cinematic Universe
HOLLYWOOD – With the finale of the hit Disney+ series WandaVision dropping this Friday, sources online are buzzing about how the episode will finally introduce 80s television character Alf …