NEW YORK — Following the death of jailed multimillionaire financier and accused sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, America’s billionaire creeps were left uncertain which of their many hired fi…
Irvings demand entire province of New Brunswick stand on one foot
FREDRICTON — The entire province of New Brunswick has been ground to a halt after influential billionaire family the Irvings ordered all residents to stand on one foot. Across the province,…
In testimony, Robert Mueller reaffirms commitment to never saying or doing anything helpful
WASHINGTON D.C. — Speaking yesterday to two House Committees, Special Counsel Robert Mueller boldy restated his pledge to never ever take any action that would possibly help to hold Preside…
Simu Liu breaks barriers as first Mississaugan superhero
SAN DIEGO — Marvel Studios has announced that Chinese-Canadian actor Simu Liu, of Kim’s Convenience, will play the lead in their upcoming film Shang Chi, making this their first film to fea…
Pence assures Americans that concentration camp he just toured could never happen here
MCALLEN, TX — After stoically touring a migrant detention center with nearly 400 men crammed inside fenced cages, Vice President Mike Pence assured the American people that this kind of bar…
Contrite Acosta insists given second chance he would hide Epstein’s sex trafficking completely differently
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following this week’s indictment of wealthy serial child abuser Jeffrey Epstein, Labor Secretary Alexander Acosta responded has discussed his involvement in a controversia…
Nation’s loud, uninformed uncles line up to replace Don Cherry
TORONTO — As rumours swirl that Rogers will opt to not renew Don Cherry’s Hockey Night In Canada contract for the 2020-21 season, interest in the job has been noted from the nation’s most o…
Malnourished toddler relieved to hear he’s not technically in a concentration camp
CLINT, TEXAS — After having been separated from his parents and forced to sleep on a concrete floor with thousands of other migrant children, 2 year old migrant Filipe Diaz was relieved to …
Doug Ford to spend 5 month vacation criticizing teachers for their 3 month vacation
MUSKOKA, ON — After shuffling his cabinet and adjourning the provincial legislature, premier Doug Ford announced plans to spend his 5 month break criticizing the 3 month summer break that O…
Kawhi Leonard celebrates by staring at different wall
TORONTO — Following the Raptor’s first ever NBA championship victory, and his win as series MVP, Kawhi Leonard reportedly let his emotions run wild by turning slightly to his left, and star…