OTTAWA — With Andrew Scheer’s Conservatives finally releasing their electoral platform, the plan has promised to cut “no more than 2 Canadian provinces”. The CPC platform, released last Fri…
Trump honestly forgets which debt he’s paying back by pulling troops from Syria
WASHINGTON – As President Trump announced a snap decision to remove US troops from Northern Syria, insiders report the president genuinely cannot recall which authoritarian leader this acti…
Trudeau wondering how long until it’s cool for him to do blackface again
OTTAWA — As the Liberal electoral campaign is rocked by revelations that Justin Trudeau has worn both black and brownface, the embattled PM has quietly asked aides how long it will be until…
Detained migrant child worried he’s doing a bad job of raising younger detained migrant child
EL PASO, TX — After accepting responsibility for fellow detained migrant child José Estada, age 3, Carlos Lopez, 11, has expressed concerns that he is not living up to the responsibility of…
John Bolton resigns to spend more time urging his family to invade Iran
WASHINGTON D.C. — After being asked to resign by the President, National Security Advisor Jon Bolton has left the Trump Administration to spend more time lobbying his family to invade the c…
Following Hurricane Dorian, Nova Scotians still unaware Dartmouth floated away
HALIFAX — In the wake of Hurricane Dorian, a category 2 storm that battered the Maritimes, locals have yet to notice that the entire city of Dartmouth has been washed out to sea. Officials …
America’s wealthy perverts unsure which of them actually staged Epstein suicide
NEW YORK — Following the death of jailed multimillionaire financier and accused sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, America’s billionaire creeps were left uncertain which of their many hired fi…
Irvings demand entire province of New Brunswick stand on one foot
FREDRICTON — The entire province of New Brunswick has been ground to a halt after influential billionaire family the Irvings ordered all residents to stand on one foot. Across the province,…
In testimony, Robert Mueller reaffirms commitment to never saying or doing anything helpful
WASHINGTON D.C. — Speaking yesterday to two House Committees, Special Counsel Robert Mueller boldy restated his pledge to never ever take any action that would possibly help to hold Preside…
Simu Liu breaks barriers as first Mississaugan superhero
SAN DIEGO — Marvel Studios has announced that Chinese-Canadian actor Simu Liu, of Kim’s Convenience, will play the lead in their upcoming film Shang Chi, making this their first film to fea…