VANCOUVER – This week on Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside police began removing tents from the sidewalks, unless the individuals inside could show proof that the structure is actually a cannab…
Toddler cannot fucking believe mom is here
FREDERICTON, NB – During a recent family gathering reports have emerged that 19-month-old Rodney McPhee has absolutely lost his mind with excitement upon noticing that his mother, Ainsley M…
Leaders assure world they have climate change plan to save themselves and that’s all
WASHINGTON, DC – As summer temperatures soar around the globe due to climate change, the world’s leaders announced they do indeed have a comprehensive plan in place to save themselves…
Federal, provincial, and municipal leaders strike landmark deal to blame each other for housing prices
OTTAWA – Reaching across all 3 levels of Government, the leaders of Canada’s national, provincial, and big city governments have reached a historic deal allowing them to shift the blame for…
Back To The Future remake sees Marty go back to 1992, buy house
HOLLYWOOD, CA – A newly-announced reboot of the classic 80s sci-fi comedy Back To The Future will reportedly center on a teen who travels back 30 years to 1992, and purchases a home for und…
Rogers proudly announces $10 service charge for “Unplug and Relax” nationwide outage
TORONTO – Rogers Canada has proudly announced that all of their customers nationwide who experienced cellphone and internet outages yesterday will only be charged a low $10 service charge f…
Trudeau contracts COVID-19 again: “And this was the week I was gonna do electoral reform, too”
OTTAWA – Following the announcement that he has tested positive a second time for COVID-19, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau informed Canadians that this will unfortunately preempt the week he…
Jury rules wife beater is bigger celebrity than beaten wife
FAIRFAX, VA – At the Fairfax County Circuit Courthouse a jury has reached a verdict: that known wife beater Johnny Depp is indeed more famous than Amber Heard, his beaten ex-wife. “This ver…
Andrea Horwath confident she’ll get hang of party leader thing 2-3 elections from now
HAMILTON, ON – With polling projecting the NDP to once again not form a government in the 2022 Ontario Election, 4-time leader Andrea Horwath predicts that she will “definitely work out the…
Ontario PCs relieved they have enough votes to win even without all the old people they let die
TORONTO – In the wake of over 4,500 long term care deaths during Ontario’s COVID-19 crisis the provincial Conservative Government is thankful that, despite losing thousands of older PC-lean…