OTTAWA – Prime Minister Carney has announced a plan to sell off Canadian airports, thus generating revenue for his new sovereign wealth fund, and assures Canadians they will surely pay less…
Andrew Tate says “chances of him visiting Canada are zero” after learning nation frowns on indicted sex offenders
BUCHAREST, ROMANIA – Notorious manosphere influencer and indicted sex trafficker Andrew Tate announced on his podcast that he will never set foot in Canada, specifically after learning the …
Liberal bouncers tell MPs to wait in line to join party
OTTAWA – With Mark Carney’s Liberals finally achieving a majority, bouncers outside the Liberal party have instructed numerous MPs who are now rushing to cross the floor to “wai…
Floor-crosser Marilyn Gladu “accidentally” leaves conversion therapy pamphlets around Liberal Convention
MONTREAL – Attendees at the 2026 Liberal Party Convention have reported finding conspicuously-left pamphlets for a “Shock Away The Gay” conversion therapy camp, apparently distr…
Cute photo-op destroys Artemis II mission as Canadian uncorks maple syrup
“I can’t think of a single more dangerous food to have in zero gravity.” Guest host Ian MacIntyre is joined by panellist Nile Séguin along with special guests Kyah Green (The Fa…
Air Canada promises next CEO will gouge customers in both English and French
MONTREAL – With CEO Michael Rousseau stepping down following a widely-derided public statement made only in English, Air Canada has vowed that their next CEO will mercilessly overcharge tra…
House Democrats ask if Canada could step in to fight authoritarianism for them
WASHINGTON D.C. – As the Trump administration consolidates its anti-democratic control over America, Congressional and Senate Democrats have united to ask the nation of Canada if they could…
Branding genius! This man calls never doing anything for anybody “self care”
Move over, Madison Avenue marketing gurus! This local branding phenom has come up with the perfect communications hack to shift ordinary self-centredness into aspirational boundary-setting. By si…
Loblaws pretty sure people won’t care that coconuts labelled as “Canadian”
ETOBICOKE, ON – Despite individual stores receiving fines for mislabelling some foods as Canadian, Loblaws head office remains confident that Canadian shoppers will not notice their new pol…
World mourns simpler time when internet was just Chuck Norris memes
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Mourners worldwide are gathering to fondly remember a time when the internet was primarily used to share humorous memes about action star Chuck Norris, who also died today a…
