Trump demands Carney give him his standing ovation from Davos
DAVOS, SWITZERLAND – Following his poorly-received and rambling address at the World Economic Forum, U.S. President Donald Trump angrily demanded that Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney pe…
Emboldened Mark Carney delivers encore WEF speech about TFSA planning
DAVOS, SWITZERLAND – Following a headline-making address about middle powers of the world uniting against hegemonic power, an amped up Mark Carney returned to the stage for a fiery encore s…
Dermatologist gives up on your stupid face
TORONTO – Citing an exhaustive battery of treatment, dermatologist Dr. Barbara Sanders has officially terminated all care of your profoundly and irredeemably stupid face. When Dr. Sanders f…
Trump tells everyone not to worry about his large box labeled “Plans to Take Over the World”
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With President Trump sharing an image of Canada, Venezuela, and Greenland as captured U.S. territory, journalists are starting to ask follow up questions about his large,…
Serial killer’s cat insists on lying right across the warm corpse he’s working on
CALGARY – Once again, the murderous work of the serial killer known as the Marlborough Mauler has been interrupted by his 4-year-old house cat, Ruffles. “Aw, jeez, Ruffles, not there,” the Mauler…
Ford to Carney: “Interfering in lower orders of government is MY thing!”
QUEEN’S PARK – As Prime Minister Mark Carney inks a deal with Chinese President Xi Jinping to integrate their countries’ electric vehicle sectors, possibly impacting OntarioR…
Conservative pundit who tried hate-watching Heated Rivalry openly weeping at end of episode 5
KANSAS CITY – As the Canadian hockey romance Heated Rivalry gains popularity in the United States, conservative pundit Kirk Burnham’s attempt to stir up controversy over the show̵…
Canada chooses lawful evil over chaotic evil
“We looked around for a neutral evil country to trade with, but couldn’t find one.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) talk about the horrific I…
2026 showrunners caught reusing 2025 scripts
Washington, DC – In breaking news, showrunners for the year 2026 have been caught quietly reusing large portions of 2025’s scripts, prompting renewed concern that the coming season will once agai…
Legault resigns to spend more time privately hounding minorities
QUEBEC CITY – Quebec Premier François Legault announced his resignation today, explaining that he plans to bring his famed enthusiasm for attacking basic human rights to the private sector.…
