Conservative party of Canada votes to axe the tax, build the homes, lose all the future elections
CALGARY – With over 87% of the Conservative Party of Canada voting to keep Pierre Poilievre as their leader at the 2026 Conservative Convention, Poilievre triumphantly announced that by rea…
Nation could really use Catherine O’Hara to deal with passing of Catherine O’Hara
OTTAWA – Following the passing of screen and comedy legend Catherine O’Hara, nationwide reports indicate that the only thing Canadians could use to cheer them up from their grief is C…
Judge dismisses death penalty for Luigi Mangione citing “Too Sexy To Die” precedent
NEW YORK – A judge has ruled that U.S. Federal prosecutors cannot request the death penalty against Luigi Mangione in the killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, citing the defendan…
Press blackout allows Ontario PCs to finally have all-nude convention
TORONTO – The decision to ban journalists and photographers from their policy convention this weekend has allowed Doug Ford’s governing PC Party of Ontario to celebrate naturism between friends a…
Linguists stumped by decline in Winnipeg residents calling themselves ‘Peggers
WINNIPEG, MB—Language experts are struggling to explain a sharp decline in Winnipeggers describing themselves with the whimsical short form, ‘Peggers. A recent study finds that the once-common te…
Local Blu-ray player used to be PlayStation 3
VICTORIA, B.C. – Local thirty-five-year-old Dion Miller has reportedly salvaged his old PlayStation 3 from a storage bin and repurposed it as his last way to watch Blu-rays, a move that has deli…
Man who wouldn’t wear mask to protect people fine wearing mask to shoot them
MINNEAPOLIS, MN – A man who refused to wear a mask to protect other people in 2020 has declared he has no problem wearing one while shooting them. Kyle Weekes, 31, was staunchly anti-mask during …
Carney opens Quebec speech by saying “We all agree Maurice Richard was overrated right?”
“I’m just saying: he wouldn’t even make the league today.” Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood and Ian MacIntyre) are joined by Edmonton’s own Henry Sir (Current Eve…
FBI director tells Americans not to bring guns to protests, schools still okay
WASHINGTON – Following the killing of Alex Jeffrey Pretti in Minneapolis, FBI director Kash Patel has advised American citizens participating in anti-ICE demonstrations to leave their firearms at…
Carney uninvited to join Trump’s ‘Board Of Peace’ alongside Putin, Netanyahu, Lex Luthor, Megatron
WASHINGTON D.C. – U.S. President Donald Trump disinvited Prime Minister Mark Carney from his newly-established “Board of Peace”, comprised of Trump, various war criminals, autho…
