VICTORIA, BC – After capitalizing on the disarray of the opposition Conservative party and calling a snap election, David Eby finds himself trailing in the polls to a leader to be determined at a later date.
“I figured it was a slam dunk,” said a baffled Premier Eby. “The Conservative party was fractured and fighting with itself, rebel members started a new party, and the leader just resigned. How could I lose?”
After a reflective pause Eby continued: “Apparently, this is how.”
After decades of research, political analysts have determined that British Columbia is experiencing the phenomenon called: Don’t fucking make me vote again, dude!
“Look, I hate far-right social conservatives who invite MAGA-backed separatists into their party as much as the next person,” said Vancouverite Sadie Longfellow. “But what I hate more is being forced to go through another stupid election. Fuck that guy!”
This kind of sentiment was echoed in the words of Surrey resident Barry Lim who said, “David Eby is such an idiot for doing this that I figured anyone new running the Conservative party had to be better, right? I mean, how could they do worse than their last leader?”
This sudden change in fortune has members of the Conservative Party of BC putting their resignation letters back in a drawer and uniting behind interim leader Lorne Doerkson who may or may not stay on in the job since nothing in life is permanent.
“I have full confidence in whoever this new guy is,” declared conservative voter Marty Williams. “What’s his name? Doerkson? Like son-of-dork? You gotta be kidding me!”
Sources inside the BC NDP confirm that Eby regrets calling a snap election while wearing the Infinity Gauntlet as it caused half his voters to disappear.
