WASHINGTON D.C. – Longtime Trump advisor Stephen Miller is moving portfolios to become White House Chief of Staff, largely because Arlington police have begun linking a series of unsolved s…
Politics
Detailed analysis of U.S. Midterms provided by man who forgot to vote in last Canadian election
Guelph, ON – Local man Mark Nellis, who “totally meant” to vote in the last Canadian election but forgot, is currently providing a thoughtful and considerate analysis of Tuesday…
Joe Rogan relieved his fans too concussed to remember he campaigned for Trump
AUSTIN, TX – With pollsters predicting a massive midterm repudiation of U.S. President Donald Trump, podcaster Joe Rogan has expressed relief that his millions of fans have mostly suffered …
Brad Bradford vows to put a cop in your living room if elected Mayor
Toronto, ON – In a bold campaign move, Toronto mayoral hopeful Brad Bradford has vowed to put a police officer in your living room if elected to office. “You will never have to worry about your …
Brad Bradford reinvigorates campaign with desperate “Landlords need more” slogan
Toronto, ON – Alliterative city councillor Brad Bradford ‘the rad landlord’ has relaunched his campy campaign for major mayor of Toronto with the desperate new slogan, “Landlords need…
7 most shocking revelations from Chrystia Freeland’s Unreliable Boyfriend
TORONTO – With the publication of Unreliable Boyfriend, Chrystia Freeland’s account of her years in former Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s cabinet, the former Finance Minister has revealed …
Poilievre team divided over when to drop Mark Carney diss track
OTTAWA — Pierre Poilievre’s inner circle is at loggerheads over when to release his diss track targeting Prime Minister Mark Carney. Titled “Miss the Mark,” Poilievre said that the track, while p…
Trump administration eagerly looking for third trade route to completely fuck up
Panama Canal, NY – The Trump administration has begun a international search for another large trade route to completely fuck up after successfully fucking up both the strait of Hormuz and …
Carney government promises upcoming “Operation Strike Destroyer” legislation won’t discourage future strikes
OTTAWA — After multiple labour sources warned that the Federal government would likely be issuing binding mediation legislation as early as next week, Mark Carney personally assured Canadians tha…
Desperate Poilievre announces “Fuck A Fan” contest
OTTAWA – With his Conservative Party trailing the governing Liberals by double digits in recent opinion polling, a desperate Pierre Poilievre today announced his latest plan to boost his po…
