Zoom call, ON – Last Friday during a grueling 12 minute zoom call with your parents, they both explained that the current hopeless, terrible, deadly pandemic restricting everyone to stay in…
Parenting
Local father relies on tattoo to remind himself of children’s names
CALGARY, AB – Local resident, George Bronson, recently got a large chest tattoo to commemorate his beautiful children, which will also serve as a daily reminder of whatever-the-hell their n…
Friend with young kids clearly fantasizing about murdering you as you describe how boring isolation has been
Brandon, MB – Sofie, your friend with two children under the age of 5, clearly spent most of last night’s zoom call thinking of ways to murder you as you talked about how calm and uneventuf…
Weird couple names their son “John”
OTTAWA – Friends of local couple Blaze and Traylor Davidson have been left perplexed after the Davidsons decided to give their newborn son the completely bizarre name of ”John”. “I can’t believe …
Baby celebrating first birthday just happy so many shapes could make it
MAGOG, QC – One-year-old Grayson Bellesmare announced today via a series of shrieks and babbles his delight that so many different shapes of various colours were able to make it out to his …
Nation’s toddlers refusing to budge on no-nap policy
OTTAWA – With negotiations dragging on until well-past 3pm, the nation’s parents say they have reached an impasse with their toddlers, who are steadfastly maintaining a strict no-nap policy…
Children impressed, sad at how much Dad knows about Transformers
GRAVENHURST, ON – Local Dad Emil Johnston, 39, demonstrated substantial knowledge of the alien robots known as Transformers at a Toys R Us yesterday, and the response of his two children wa…
If I do not inculcate ideals of violence and aggression in my son, how will he appreciate cowboy movies?
By Herbert Smimmer A time in our lives has arrived when words like “toxic masculinity” are getting thrown around like we used to throw around baseballs before fathers got too busy watching RuPaul…
Baby never happier than when vomiting
CALGARY —- Researchers have confirmed that 9-month old Grace McMillan, despite enjoying other activities such as interacting with loved ones and playing with toys, reaches greatest levels of happ…
Sleep-deprived parent fondly remembers days of being sleep-deprived raver
KAMLOOPS, BC – Upon catching sight of his sleepless, bloodshot eyes in the mirror, new father Daniel Lutsky took a wistful, early-dawn moment to remember his days of being disheveled and sl…