TORONTO — With the 2026 MLB season nearly over and the 2026-27 NHL season about to begin, the Toronto Blue Jays and Toronto Maple Leafs have been eliminated from playoff contention.
“It’s sad to see the Blue Jays bow out, but at least now I can turn my full attention to the hope and optimism that a fresh Maple Leafs season brings,” said one Toronto sports fan. “Wait, what the fuck am I saying?”
A 4-2 loss to the Baltimore Orioles ended the Blue Jays’ last playoff hopes, and also, if we’re being realistic, any hope the Maple Leafs had this year, too.
“I know Vladdy had a brutal year, but I bet Gavin McKenna is going to make up for it by reeling off at least 60 goals,” another Toronto fan said, before their attendant wheeled them back into their psychiatric care facility. “And he’s a lock for the Calder, too!” they added over their shoulder.
After going 2-2 in the preseason, the Maple Leafs will start their regular season on September 29, where a win, loss, or overtime loss will eliminate them from Stanley Cup eligibility this year. The Leafs will then play out their remaining 83 games with an eye towards rigging the draft lottery again.
“We’re always trying to win, believe it or not, but another strong draft pick would further raise fans’ hopes before making our inevitable elimination even more excruciating,” Leafs general manager John Chayka said. “Now let’s hit the ice and see who demands a trade out of here first!”
At press time Leafs’ fans are still pretty sure Connor McDavid is going to sign with them. Any day now.
Image: Quintin Soloviev
