TORONTO – The Office of the Auditor General of Ontario has unveiled a new line of digital tracking devices that vibrate every time Doug Ford posits a very stupid idea. The Auditor General s…
Ontario
Doug Ford sets up snitch line for parents who taught kids Sex Ed during lockdown
TORONTO – With the remaining Ontario schools finally open again, Premier Doug Ford is determined to ensure a safe return to the classroom – by setting up a snitch line for heathen parents who tau…
Ford: Thousands more COVID Cases worth it for chance to partially re-open economy for a couple months before shutting down again
TORONTO – One day after announcing plans to partially re-open the province despite the fact new cases remain over 1000 a day, Premier Doug Ford says the risk is worth it for the chance to h…
Tim Hortons egg sandwich now official sponsor of Premier Ford’s pandemic press conferences
TORONTO – Tim Hortons and the Ontario government have signed a sponsorship deal to promote the chain’s egg sandwich and other items at provincial press conference related to the pandemic. P…
Move over, sourdough! There’s a new culinary trend in lockdown – bathtub wine!
With Ontario now in its second lockdown of the COVID-19 pandemic, the popularity of homemade sourdough has fallen just as quickly as our loaves rose (sometimes). But no need to fret. There is a n…
Ford vows to stop COVID by 7th wave
TORONTO – Last week, Ontario premier Doug Ford announced that his administration is committed to bringing the COVID-19 situation under control by no later than the 7th major spike in cases.…
City expropriates farmland for booming brownfield industry
WELLAND – A city in Niagara has expropriated land from a fifth generation farm to further develop its abandoned and contaminated land industry. Urban planners and local politicians in Wella…
Ontario Government claims true meaning of “essential” will only reveal itself to those who believe
QUEEN’S PARK – Asked by journalists what Ontario’s new stay-at-home order categorizes as an essential trip Premier Ford answered, with a twinkle in his eye, “If you’re fair of heart and tru…
Long term care facilities build runways, take international flights to get Doug Ford’s attention
TORONTO – Ontario’s LTC facilities have been forced to construct their own fake international airports in an attempt to gain Premier Doug Ford’s immediate action on COVID-19 outbreaks. Whit…
Ford slams epidemiologist for anti-pandemic bias
QUEEN’S PARK – In a victory for public health, Premier Ford issued a statement condemning a member of Ontario’s Science Advisory Table for advocating on behalf of public health. A rec…