QUEEN’S PARK – With a recent uptick in Covid 19 cases in the Toronto, Peel and Ottawa regions, Doug Ford has called on Ontarians to take all possible precautions, to keep indoor gathe…
Ontario
Ford announces all large weddings must now take place in classrooms
TORONTO – Amid concerns over rising coronavirus cases in Ontario, Doug Ford tightened social gathering limits in hotspot areas in order to stem the spread of the virus. As a result of the new num…
Premier Ford outraged federal government not doing his job
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford expressed his frustration and outrage that the federal government is not doing his job. “622 people were caught by provincial and municipal police forces breakin…
Despondent CNE fans lower sticks of deep-fried butter to half-mast
TORONTO – Yesterday, thousands of distraught fans of the Canadian National Exhibition took a moment out of their day to lower their sticks of deep-fried butter out of respect for the cancel…
200 Ontario cops hired to force teachers back into schools
TORONTO – Ontario’s PC government is hiring an additional 200 OPP officers to force any unruly teachers back into classrooms. “My friends, teacher unions are the greatest threat to the heal…
Ontario government announces plan to blame the feds if school reopening plan goes wrong
TORONTO – The Ontario government announced its new plan to blame the federal government in the event that their plan to reopen schools during a pandemic backfires. “Parents will know that i…
Police in Niagara-on-the-Lake investigate drive-by hooting
NIAGARA-ON-THE-LAKE, ON – Upper-middle class residents of a picturesque town are on edge after reports of a drive-by hooting that police say exceeded 75 dB. Locals became suspicious of the …
Doug Ford pleads with own reflection to let him lower class sizes
TORONTO – After saying that if it was up to him he’d keep class sizes at 5 kids due to the COVID pandemic, Ontario Premier Doug Ford was spotted pleading with his reflection to let him lowe…
Ford government unveils school plan to send kids back to school and let them formulate a plan
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has released his fall school plan, which will see the province’s school children return to class in September in order to brainstorm an actual…
“I finally feel like me again,” says Ford after introducing anti-tenant legislation, blaming young for COVID spike
TORONTO – After months of behaving like a different, more competent and compassionate premier, Doug Ford says he has finally found himself again this week after blaming young Ontarians̵…