TORONTO – In a surprise move sure to boost the party’s popularity among Torontonians, the Ontario Conservative government has completely solved Toronto’s housing crisis for ever…
Ontario
Premier Ford credits self for sunrise
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford and his government has claimed credit for this morning’s sunrise, which occurred at approximately 7:51 AM in Toronto earlier today. “Getting rid of the c…
“Grassroots” Ontario Proud group revealed to be 3 corporations in a trenchcoat
TORONTO — Despite claiming to be a user-funded organization in the 2018 election, the political action group Ontario Proud has been revealed to be 3 development firms standing on each other…
New OPP Commissioner vows to stamp out corruption that resulted in appointment of new OPP Commissioner
TORONTO – Newly named Commissioner of the Ontario Provincial Police Ron Taverner has promised that under his leadership, the force will not allow the kind of rampant political corruption th…
Ontario fixes hallway medicine by removing walls creating open concept medicine
TORONTO – Ontario’s government has announced it has finally eliminated hallway medicine by removing any partitions or internal walls within hospitals. “Patients will no longer have to wait …
Doug Ford won’t stop taping ‘Mayor Of Toronto’ sign on office door
TORONTO – Despite being removed every night by janitorial staff, Doug Ford continues to tape a handwritten sign on his office door that reads ‘Mayor of Toronto.’ “At first I thought it was …
Ontario cuts French-sounding words from government services
TORONTO – The province of Ontario has announced it will be eliminating any words used in government services that Premier Doug Ford finds ‘French-sounding.’ 45% of various nouns and verbs u…
Ontario PCs pass resolution to only recognize the two genders: folks and elites
TORONTO – At their party convention this weekend, Ontario Progressive Conservatives passed a resolution concluding that there are only two genders: hard-working, business-owning, mortgage-paying …
North Korean leader blushes at number of standing ovations in Ontario Legislature
PYONGYANG – North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un was reportedly blushing after watching so many standing ovations for Premier Doug Ford by the Ontario PC caucus during Question Period. After a b…
Take Your Kid to Work Day opportunity for students to avoid the mistakes of their parents
TORONTO – Across the province of Ontario, grade 9 students are experiencing the workplace firsthand for a lesson in avoiding the soul-sucking careers their parents currently occupy. “Son, d…