TORONTO – The Ontario Minister of Government Services Lisa Thompson responded to critics of the new unreadable Ontario license plate by saying that they were rigorously tested at the Queens…
Ontario
Doug Ford has 95% approval rating among kids who hate school
HAMILTON – Premier Doug Ford and his Ontario PCs are decisively ahead among children who hate their schools, principals, and teachers. According to an Ipsos poll, 95% of Ontario elementary …
Ontario’s education minister hopes fake anti-teacher coalition named after his riding won’t attract suspicion
VAUGHAN, ON – Education Minister and MPP for Vaughan Stephen Lecce is confident a fictitious anti-teachers union group called Vaughan Working Families whose ads appeared in major national n…
Poll-leading Ontario Liberals delay selecting leader until after 2022 provincial election
TORONTO – The Liberal Party of Ontario has announced that it will hold off selecting a leader until the 2022 provincial election is over. The pocket-sized party whose entire caucus can fit …
Coronavirus inside air passenger excited about Doug Ford’s cuts to public health
SOMEWHERE OVER THE PACIFIC OCEAN – A Coronavirus cell incubating in an air passenger destined for Pearson International Airport is eager to exploit the many ‘efficiencies’ in the public hea…
Ontario’s education minister chastises first graders for not knowing their ABCs: “Always Be Closing”
GLENGARRY COUNTY, ON – Ontario’s Education Minister Stephen Lecce gave a stern lecture to an underperforming class of grade 1s about the business of Ontario’s education system. “I hear what…
False alarm: Employee responsible for pressing wrong button for alert resumes pressing wrong buttons at nuclear plant
PICKERING, ON – Officials at Ontario Power Generation explained that the employee responsible for this morning’s false alarm about an incident at the Pickering nuclear power generating stat…
Toronto’s expensive housing market forces Harry and Meghan to consider living in Barrie
BARRIE, ON – Astronomically high housing prices in Toronto have forced Prince Harry and Meghan Markle to consider living in Barrie for their new North American home, unconfirmed reports sug…
Armoured convoy escorts Caroline Mulroney out of Hamilton
HAMILTON – After announcing the Ford government was cancelling Hamilton’s LRT, Ontario’s Transportation Minister Caroline Mulroney was escorted out of the city. Ten LAV III and two Leopard …
Doug Ford starts Christmas celebrations with traditional cutting down of wind turbine
PRINCE EDWARD COUNTY, ON – Ontario Premier Doug Ford and his provincial counterparts got into the holiday spirit by chopping down their own Christmas wind turbine. Ford invited his friends …