TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford and his team of cabinet ministers have ordered a complete shutdown of Ontario to combat the spread of the Ontario Auditor General’s report on the government’s re…
Ontario
Doug Ford insists he will not hesitate to shut things down if he hears of any bad COVID news
TORONTO – Doug Ford has remained steadfast in his claim that if there is a single sign of trouble in regards to COVID, he will shut everything down. “Oh, you don’t want to know how willing …
Ontario government confirms public health experts were on mute this whole time
TORONTO – The Ontario PC government is claiming they didn’t follow the advice of public health experts because they were on mute this entire time. Ontario Health Minister Christine Elliott …
Ford announces new threshold for increasing COVID restrictions will be 1 case more than whatever we currently have
TORONTO – Under fire for changing COVID standards to unsafe levels, Premier Doug Ford has announced a new threshold for when his government will finally impose greater restrictions: exactly…
Doug Ford vows to find budget cut that will stop COVID
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced on Monday that he will stem the rising number of COVID cases by implementing a strategy that has always worked for his administration in the pa…
Premier Ford grants university status to “The End is Nigh” sign guy
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has granted university status to a local rambling proselytizer known for his public outspokenness. The University of Repent Sinners or Burn in Hell will …
Premier Ford still not convinced flames shooting from neighbour’s house is sufficient evidence to call fire department
TORONTO – Despite heavy smoke and his neighbour screaming “my house is on fire,” Ontario Premier Doug Ford is not ready to call in the fire department. With flames shooting out of the attic…
“I don’t like him, but I gotta say Ford has risen to the occasion” says man to his dead grandmother
TORONTO – While he did not vote for Doug Ford, local man Daniel Waite has confided that he is pretty impressed with his handling of the COVID crisis to the body of his dead grandmother, who…
Ford encourages families to spend Thanksgiving together by getting jobs at same indoor restaurant
QUEEN’S PARK – As the Province introduces new restrictions on social contact in response to COVID-19, Premier Doug Ford has assured families they can absolutely still spend Thanksgiving tog…
Premier Ford injures hands from repetitive finger-wagging
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford was sent to the emergency room after injuring both hands from repetitive finger-wagging during a recent COVID-19 press conference. Ford’s two index finge…