TORONTO – Across the province of Ontario, grade 9 students are experiencing the workplace firsthand for a lesson in avoiding the soul-sucking careers their parents currently occupy. “Son, d…
Ontario
Dog eared copy of “The Fountainhead” appointed as Ontario’s assistant treasurer
QUEEN’S PARK — After a meteoric rise through Ontario’s progressive conservative party, A dog eared copy Ayn Rand’s 1943 novel The Fountainhead has become Ontario’s Associate Minister …
Ford announces new Ontario license plate slogan “washrooms are for customers only”
QUEEN’S PARK – Shortly after unveiling Ontario’s new “Open for Business” border signs, Premier Ford has announced that the province’s iconic “yours to discover” license plates will be discontinue…
TVO doesn’t want hallucinatory monster only visible to some to be associated with drugs
TORONTO – Following the appearance of a cannabis-themed parody mascot named Tokaroo at a recent legalization event, Ontario’s public broadcaster has sent a legal threat to the man behind th…
Leading by example: MPPs vote to lower their wages to $14/h, cut sick days
TORONTO – MPPs at Queen’s Park unanimously passed a bill that would match the same pay and benefits as minimum wage workers would receive in the rest of the province. “It’s just not fair th…
London’s new scratch ballots give voters 1/14 chance of picking mayoral candidate of their choice
LONDON, ON – Adding excitement of a cheap thrill of gambling to voting, the city of London is carrying out its first election with its new Scratch-n-Vote balloting system. The local governm…
Ontario PCs warn dealing pot could land you 4 years in Queens Park
TORONTO – With the imminent legalization of pot next week, Ontario’s provincial government has released new ads warning that illegal sales of pot could land them four years as a Premier. “T…
Ontario’s financial plan revealed to be stack of lotto tickets
TORONTO – Concerns about the budgeting focus of Ontario’s PC government were brought to the forefront again this morning, when it was revealed that the province’s financial plan consists la…
Clean up continues after annual Ford Fest orgy
Vaughan, ON – Combing through the piles of empty drink cups and bottles of lube, efforts are still underway to clean up after this year’s annual Ford Fest fuck spree, with many attendees no…
Outdated sex-ed curriculum already has Ontario students pulling out
QUEEN’S PARK – This week the effects of Ontario’s outdated sex-ed curriculum were put on display when many students across the province began to pull out of class. “Everyone knows tha…
