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How To Go Vegan…Next Week
National
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Toronto
Montreal
Vancouver
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University Reviews
Canada Votes 2015
7 facts about Pierre Poilievre that probably aren’t true but we refused to be briefed on the actual situation
Canadians explain why they’re mad about the new Passport design
I don’t care how many scandals my free vacations cause, I can’t spend any more time on Tripadvisor
“Spring in Canada is so beautiful” says woman about to experience months of grimy dirt snow on the side of roads
Clothes in hamper smell good enough
Pussy-whipped loser can’t even go one night without asking the cops to find his missing wife
Smirking 9 year old just learned the French word for Seal
Driver causing 15 minute traffic delay by parking in middle of road put flashers on so it’s totally fine
Ontario Science Centre to be renamed The Galen Weston Centre for Condos and Corporate Greed
Doug Ford promises new Science Centre will be more accessible to dumb people
Owners of gold stolen from Pearson expected it to be lost by baggage services anyways
Local Torontonian wins race to subway seat
Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again
Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago
Vancouver considers buying a second snowplow
Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver
Vancouver removes tents from Eastside unless they can prove they’re a weed shop
Thousands of Vancouver perverts delight in taking pictures of tree genitalia
Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw
Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes
Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter
Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one
York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam
Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s
Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt
Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation
Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
OCAD University: University Reviews 2014
NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
World
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Historical Archives
Report: Mom not too keen on Charles
United Kingdom considered powerful nation despite needing 3 days to put hat on old man
Harry hopes publicizing struggles will help ordinary people with their own world-famous royal families
Trump sues far-right Brazilian protestors for trademark infringement
“If I’m guilty then how do you explain the hundreds of sexual assaults I got away with” asks Trump
Gun violence grinds to a halt after God finds prayers in spam folder
Nation relieved to see Trump indicted before he could do anything really bad
Fugitive Trump’s attempt to flee to Mexico thwarted by big wall
Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Sports
Sports
Report: There are now more bidders to buy the Ottawa Senators than there are fans of the Ottawa Senators
Researchers uncover evidence that Stanley Cup Playoffs still in progress
Leafs fans sick of current ‘good but not good enough’ team going to love return of ‘we suck and our front office is chaos’ era
Pitch clock resigns baseball players’ nutsacks to unscratched loneliness
Business
Business
Queen’s University offers Musk 8 dollars a month to stop telling people he went there
Budget conscious Loblaws replaces Galen Weston with new No Name president
Walmart CEO claims stealing is really bad, unless it’s wages from your employees
Galen Weston defends $3 million raise by asking “Have you seen how expensive stuff is getting lately?”
Culture
Culture
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“Hey that actor was in Harry Potter!” says woman every 5 seconds while watching British tv show
I’m your #84735 biggest fan, realistic man tells idol
Seven celebrities, inventions and exoplanets you didn’t realise are Canadian
Canadian TV writer not on strike, just unemployed
Man saves years of accumulated time by referring to 7-Eleven as “Sev”
Man whose dick you have to suck to get a drink around here finally identified: Marty Williams of Scarborough
Local dryer really making a meal out of this “Your laundry is done” jingle
How to Live, Laugh, Love when you want to Leave, Laze and Loathe
Local man enjoys mental health day by neglecting physical health
Running every day is the secret to long life, claim people being chased by lions
Hospitals dropping mask mandates tell patients to stay home if they feel unwell
Optometrists finally admit there is no difference between one and two
Editorial: My home business is the result of 1% inspiration and 99% denying I’m the victim of a pyramid scheme
“Everything is broken so lets make it worse” vs “Everything is perfect so let’s fix nothing”
Editorial: Where are all the White Fridays?
Editorial: Trudeau could have ended the Freedom Convoy protest in no time if he’d just let them kill him
Parent who should absolutely never have had children demands say in child’s education
Editorial: Kids today are overprotected! I died in a fire.
Toddler cannot fucking believe mom is here
Ontario reaches $10 child-care deal after Doug Ford achieves sole objective of no one getting help for a full year
93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts
86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages
2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview
Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles
Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th
LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.
ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Beavfeed
Choice Your Own Adventure
Quiz
Slideshow
Guide To/How To
Canadians explain why they’re mad about the new Passport design
Conservatives explain why we need private healthcare
QUIZ: Is it a pyramid scheme or just a regular cult?
5 ways to thank your food delivery guy that say “please don’t murder me I don’t want to die alone on Valentine’s Day”
You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?
You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?
You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?
You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?
QUIZ: Is it a pyramid scheme or just a regular cult?
Quiz: Which Conservative leadership candidate are you, and why is it Pierre Poilievre you sick fuck?
Quiz: Do you have Omicron? The answer is yes
QUIZ: Is he really into you, or does he just need your love to break his family’s curse?
Canadians explain why they’re mad about the new Passport design
Conservatives explain why we need private healthcare
Everything you need to know about Pierre Poilievre
Highlights of U.S. Election Day
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
Guide To: Edmonton
Guide To: St.John’s
How To Lose Weight
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The Book
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How To Go Vegan…Next Week
You’re definitely going to do it this time. Definitely.
