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How To Go Vegan…Next Week
National
National
Local
Toronto
Montreal
Vancouver
North
Campus
University Reviews
Canada Votes 2015
Canadian man spends entire summer inventing excuses for why he can’t go camping
Canada Day face paint includes footnote about not being one of those Convoy fucks
Freedom Convoy just wants the freedom to murder judges
Read the ‘Canada Day Freedom Convoy’s’ new list of demands
Boyfriend blissfully unaware of how often partner weeps at his imaginary funeral
“I’m actually a mixologist,” says bartender about to charge you $27.50 for a gin and tonic
Dad who always insists his family get to the airport six hours early grateful his time has come
Every garage sale in neighbourhood full of lightly used podcasting equipment
Toronto police ask for budget increase to more equitably beat up residents
Pearson International security lines backed up to Billy Bishop Airport
Toronto Police launch task force to send guns from Toronto to Ukraine
Toronto is now North America’s Third-Largest Tech Douchebag Hub
Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again
Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago
Thousands of Vancouver perverts delight in taking pictures of tree genitalia
New ‘Vancouver’ edition Peloton bike includes daily theft attempt
White man listing privileges starting to feel pretty accomplished
iPhone battery collapsing from 100% to 1% signals arrival of winter
Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw
Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes
Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter
Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one
York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam
Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s
Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt
Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
OCAD University: University Reviews 2014
Ryerson University: The Beaverton University Reviews
NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
World
U.S.
Historical Archives
Queen Elizabeth announces plan to outlive Charles, “no matter what it takes”
Canada celebrates Asian Heritage Month as Asia celebrates May
Toronto Police launch task force to send guns from Toronto to Ukraine
Experts admit world just going to have to learn to live with seasonal outbreaks of Vladimir Putin
US Supreme Court rules Environmental Protection Agency’s powers do not extend to protecting environment
Excited Democrats speculate that if Republicans strip 1 or 2 more fundamental rights away, they might win the midterms
US Supreme Court rules women have no right to abortion because fetus could grow up to be gun owner
All guns reclassified as Chekhov’s guns
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Portraits of Canadiocity: Martin Luther King Jr
Sports
Sports
Lightning devastated to learn Refs can work against them too
Report: Team that lost in 7 to Stanley Cup finalist must be blown up, team that lost in 4 to other finalist in great shape
Gary Bettman unveils route for this year’s ‘No Canadian Team Won The Cup’ victory parade
Flames head coach starting to think team should cover this McDavid guy
Business
Business
Experts confirm that global supply chain is now just one dude named Greg doing his best
Colgate unveils new sensitivity-increasing toothpaste for nasty little freaks
Rogers family commemorates loss of matriarch with 3 day long service outage
BMW, Tesla remain deadlocked in battle for rich asshole market
Culture
Culture
Lifestyle
Health
Opinion
Parenting
Stats
Classifieds
Critics question whether new Downton Abbey movie really needed to open the multiverse
Netflix announces final season of Stranger Things will consist of six 15-hour movies, released randomly over the next decade
Winner of local theatre award doomed to keep working in local theatre scene
Bringing back a classic: this year’s summer bop is Handel’s Messiah
“Did a thing!” posts white woman who has either cut her hair or invaded the nation of Kosovo
“Sorry my place is so messy!” says friend whose floor is cleaner than your only plate
Local woman desperately looking for way out of friend’s escape room birthday party
High gas prices putting damper on man’s plan to drive across Canada committing arson
Sun lamp nearing end of life cycle explodes in brilliant supernova
Citizens who needed instruction on how to wear a mask trusted to do own COVID tests
“It’s probably just seasonal allergies,” says man who really wants to go to a concert this week
Monkeypox curls single protein spike as man wishes to “stop hearing about COVID”
Editorial: If COVID-19 is so bad, how come I got it 3 times and I can still do a backflip?
OP-ED: You wearing a mask actually is infringing on my freedom by making me feel guilty and selfish
I can’t fucking believe I’m about to win again either
Editorial: Having the right to control your own body taken away is no reason to be rude!
Ontario reaches $10 child-care deal after Doug Ford achieves sole objective of no one getting help for a full year
Man raised by wolves unable to explain his tech job to parents
Disturbing UN prediction: by 2030, 80% of all newborns will be named Jackson
Toddler slamming on xylophone mistaken for jazz legend
93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts
86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages
2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview
Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles
Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th
LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.
ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Beavfeed
Choice Your Own Adventure
Quiz
Slideshow
Guide To/How To
5 Father’s Day gifts that scream, “Go to therapy, for the love of God!”
Tragic! This woman still not picking up game as it goes along
5 Household chores better than social interaction
Heartbreaking! This woman’s boss just asked her to share her screen with, like, zero warning!
You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?
You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?
You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?
You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?
Quiz: Which Conservative leadership candidate are you, and why is it Pierre Poilievre you sick fuck?
Quiz: Do you have Omicron? The answer is yes
QUIZ: Is he really into you, or does he just need your love to break his family’s curse?
Quiz: Do you live in a failed state or just Alberta?
Highlights of U.S. Election Day
10 things Doug Ford has already used the notwithstanding clause on
6 rugs that are actually just clothes you left on the floor
5 effortless pottery overalls worn by calmer women than you
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
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How To Go Vegan…Next Week
You’re definitely going to do it this time. Definitely.
