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How To Go Vegan…Next Week
National
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Toronto
Montreal
Vancouver
North
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Canada Votes 2015
“The Freedom Convoy Protest wasn’t an emergency,” says man who doesn’t live in Ottawa
Trudeau assures China that condescending manner used only for Canadian voters
‘See No Covid, Hear No Covid’ strategy working about as well as expected
Convoy Inquiry reveals Ottawa Police’s controversial “good cop, seditionist cop” strategy
“You should totally have kids!” says friend who should not have had kids
Local woman spices up dinner party with olive oil and balsamic body shots
Plants horrified to sit on bookshelf full of their dead processed cousins
Garage sale host far too willing to share which items belonged to dead wife
“Toronto is the most multicultural city in the world,” brags unicultural man to unicultural friends
Study: Drivers debating between Express and Collectors choose slower one 100% of the time
Toronto friends plan to meet for coffee four months from now
Rogers exec keeps side hustle
Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again
Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago
Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver
Vancouver removes tents from Eastside unless they can prove they’re a weed shop
Thousands of Vancouver perverts delight in taking pictures of tree genitalia
New ‘Vancouver’ edition Peloton bike includes daily theft attempt
Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw
Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes
Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter
Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one
York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam
Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s
Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt
Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation
Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
OCAD University: University Reviews 2014
NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
World
U.S.
Historical Archives
Canada to allow international students to work more hours to expedite exploitation
Trudeau keeps running mouth about Putin as if Canada isn’t perfect target for nuclear warning shot
British Prime Minister regenerates into Rishi Sunak
Liz Truss resigns after long, illustrious reign of power spanning two British monarchs
BREAKING: Donald Trump announces whatever it takes to get on TV again
Democrats just as shocked as you that they didn’t fuck up this election
Americans planning to “Move to Canada” following midterms asked to please bring some children’s medicine with them
US condemns Iran for policing women’s bodies the wrong way
Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Sports
Sports
Ethical soccer fan vows to watch entire World Cup while tsk-ing
“No one said we’d be good this year” claims Sens fan who spent all summer saying team would be good this year
Blue Bombers hoping to win third straight Grey Cup and trade them in for one Super Bowl
Report: Sale of Ottawa Senators have many concerned team may move to Ottawa
Business
Business
Supply chain issue results in shortage of cans of whoop-ass
Kanye West loses sponsorship deal with Schwartz’s Kosher Dreidels
Swiss Chalet, Durex team up for Chalet Sauce flavoured lube
Canadians hoping Musk will buy Bell and Rogers next
Culture
Culture
Lifestyle
Health
Opinion
Parenting
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Classifieds
Kanye changes name to Yitler
“Controversies” section on Kanye West’s Wikipedia page eclipses “Music” section
Serial killer refuses to murder again unless Netflix renegotiates contract
Slide-whistle virtuoso longs to play Rachmaninoff instead of accompanying prank videos
How to Live, Laugh, Love when you want to Leave, Laze and Loathe
Breaking: This person has practiced for more than 10,000 hours and still sucks
Modern Renaissance man? This guy is a painter AND a geocentrist
Damp-hand fetishist introduces himself to people coming out of public restrooms
Health Canada draws attention to overlooked bivalent COVID vaccine by taking off its glasses and giving it bangs
French language activists say government can give Tylenol with American packaging to children if they can read their temperature in French
Woman sets vibrator to “Elon Musk Getting Destroyed On Twitter” setting
Americans planning to “Move to Canada” following midterms asked to please bring some children’s medicine with them
Editorial: Where are all the White Fridays?
Editorial: Trudeau could have ended the Freedom Convoy protest in no time if he’d just let them kill him
I know we’ve called every Conservative Leader for the last 7 years a right-wing extremist, but this time we mean it
Opinion: The only time a woman should swear is when she’s quoting a threat against her life
Toddler cannot fucking believe mom is here
Ontario reaches $10 child-care deal after Doug Ford achieves sole objective of no one getting help for a full year
Man raised by wolves unable to explain his tech job to parents
Disturbing UN prediction: by 2030, 80% of all newborns will be named Jackson
93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts
86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages
2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview
Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles
Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th
LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.
ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
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Choice Your Own Adventure
Quiz
Slideshow
Guide To/How To
This winter’s hottest beauty trend: Conventional attractiveness
We’ve all gotta start somewhere! This woman just googled “news”
Capitalism win! Local man’s day off busier than his day on
Inspiring! These #vanlife influencers are destigmatizing homelessness for hot, rich 20-somethings
You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?
You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?
You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?
You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?
Quiz: Which Conservative leadership candidate are you, and why is it Pierre Poilievre you sick fuck?
Quiz: Do you have Omicron? The answer is yes
QUIZ: Is he really into you, or does he just need your love to break his family’s curse?
Quiz: Do you live in a failed state or just Alberta?
Everything you need to know about Pierre Poilievre
Highlights of U.S. Election Day
10 things Doug Ford has already used the notwithstanding clause on
6 rugs that are actually just clothes you left on the floor
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
Guide To: Edmonton
Guide To: St.John’s
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How To Go Vegan…Next Week
You’re definitely going to do it this time. Definitely.
