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How To Go Vegan…Next Week
National
National
Local
Toronto
Montreal
Vancouver
North
Campus
University Reviews
Canada Votes 2015
Canadian Army considers removing sexual misconduct as a prerequisite for leadership
PM spends Truth and Reconciliation Day pondering ongoing genocide of Indigenous Peoples while getting in one last summer swim
Movement to replace O’Toole as leader stalls after Conservatives look at literally any of their other options
China releases two Michaels, offers Canada loyalty card good for deals on future hostages
Sound of three-ring binder snapping shut awakens primal fear in man
Ah, shit, wedding invite has lightsabers on it
Hot! This newspaper found the handsomest photo of a sex criminal to use in every article about him
“Mysterious fog nothing to worry about,” says weatherman who died 20 years ago
John Tory gets haircut after receiving assurance that homeless people will not be given the clippings for warmth
John Tory defends ruthlessly evicting Unhoused people from parks: “Toronto belongs to the rich”
Police on horse ready to stop train robbery
Toronto Police leave homeless encampment in peace after residents say they’re just a 24 hour anti-mask protest
Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again
Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago
White man listing privileges starting to feel pretty accomplished
iPhone battery collapsing from 100% to 1% signals arrival of winter
Canucks fan doesn’t want to talk about it
Huawei paid us $150 to write this article calling for the acquittal of Meng Wangzhou
Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw
Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes
Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter
Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one
York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam
Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s
Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt
Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
OCAD University: University Reviews 2014
Ryerson University: The Beaverton University Reviews
NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
World
U.S.
Historical Archives
US Soldier forgot his keys in Afghanistan, will grab them next time he’s there
Brisbane announced as next city to be blighted with unholy curse of the Olympics
Opinion: Why pulling forces out of Afghanistan is good when the politician I like does it and bad when anyone else does it
World leaders pause climate change talks out of respect for the burning Amazon
Biden just going to let Covid have Florida
Report: Canada just one big American shell corporation
Unvaccinated Americans swayed by chance to visit Thompson, Manitoba
Quiz: Is this scenario a plot point from The Handmaid’s Tale or something currently happening in Texas?
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Portraits of Canadiocity: Martin Luther King Jr
Sports
Sports
Leafs begin home opener with annual apology for last season
Devastated Toronto Blue Jays fans in perfect place mentally for Leafs season to start
Brisbane announced as next city to be blighted with unholy curse of the Olympics
Canada changes national anthem to “O Fuck, Y’All, Here Comes Canada”
Business
Business
Key habit of successful people found to be plenty of free time to pursue goals
Wealthy man enjoys bonding with barista over finally going back to work
New Loblaws commercials sees Galen Weston Jr. replaced by self checkout machine
Ford’s other daughter Kyra to rework the name of her shop, Swastika Sweets
Culture
Culture
Lifestyle
Health
Opinion
Parenting
Stats
Classifieds
Guest star in TV show must have won a contest or something
Elon Musk splits from Grimes, claims he “needs more Space”
Disney adult admits she would definitely fuck Goofy if given the chance
Sean Bean expected to die in biopic about Sean Bean
Close friend Instagram story wasted on a sunset
Inspirational Quote a day Calendar way too bossy
Five tips for growing tulips powerful enough to destroy Dutch economy
Coolest cousin ages into cautionary tale
Alberta demands ‘have-not’ provinces carry their share of its ICU patients
Horse girl becomes horse dewormer girl
Following emergency lockdown, Jason Kenney announces impromptu apology Stampede
FDA tells American horses to stop taking COVID vaccinations for worm infestations
Opinion: I am so much better than everyone in this Taco Bell
Opinion: Why pulling forces out of Afghanistan is good when the politician I like does it and bad when anyone else does it
I’m not an anti-vaxxer, I’m just refusing to get a life-saving vaccine during a global pandemic
I’m the agent assigned to monitor your vaccine tracking chip and I’m bored as hell
Man raised by wolves unable to explain his tech job to parents
Disturbing UN prediction: by 2030, 80% of all newborns will be named Jackson
Toddler slamming on xylophone mistaken for jazz legend
Woman who doesn’t want children afraid of never having children
86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages
2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview
Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles
What are you dressing up as for Halloween?
LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.
ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Beavfeed
Choice Your Own Adventure
Quiz
Slideshow
Guide To/How To
Wow! That guy who used to play the choking game when no one else wanted to is selling an air conditioner on Facebook
Nostalgic win! This man banged pots for healthcare workers instead of yelling at them
Wow! This cat detected his owner’s undiagnosed cancer and isn’t going to do anything about it
Meet the unvaccinated: This 33 year old mom is a real fucking idiot
You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?
You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?
You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?
You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?
Quiz: Do you live in a failed state or just Alberta?
Quiz: Are you living on the beach that makes you old or have you just not slept in a couple days?
Quiz: Is this scenario a plot point from The Handmaid’s Tale or something currently happening in Texas?
Quiz: Was seeing Jean Chretien choke a guy your sexual awakening or are you normal?
Highlights of U.S. Election Day
10 things Doug Ford has already used the notwithstanding clause on
6 rugs that are actually just clothes you left on the floor
5 effortless pottery overalls worn by calmer women than you
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
Guide To: Edmonton
Guide To: St.John’s
How To Lose Weight
Video
Videos
Full Episodes
Wretched old man brings you trash you asked for
White man brags about how diverse Toronto is to his group of white friends
The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special
Strategic Voting succeeds in preventing any real change to system
The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special
Watch: Season 3, Episode 8
Watch: Season 3, Episode 7
Watch: Season 3, Episode 6
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How To Go Vegan…Next Week
You’re definitely going to do it this time. Definitely.
