KINGSTON – While controversy builds in the halls of the Canadian military as candidate after candidate for advancement comes under investigation, Army bosses are considering dropping the se…
National
PM spends Truth and Reconciliation Day pondering ongoing genocide of Indigenous Peoples while getting in one last summer swim
TOFINO, B.C. – As Canada observes its first National Day for Truth and Reconciliation, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is setting an important example for Canadians by occasionally taking tim…
Movement to replace O’Toole as leader stalls after Conservatives look at literally any of their other options
OTTAWA – Momentum for the ‘replace O’Toole’ movement that began on election night appears to have petered out after Conservative Party members took a quick glance at any o…
China releases two Michaels, offers Canada loyalty card good for deals on future hostages
BEIJING – Following a deal that resolved charges against Huawei executive Meng Wanzhou, China has released detained Canadians Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor, and included a complimentary…
Province that keeps passing racist laws gets real mad when you call them racist
Quebec City – Quebec, a province which keeps passing racist and discriminatory laws, has been in uproar for a week after debate moderator Shachi Kurl suggested those laws are racist and/or …
Trudeau wistful for past elections when he was just caught wearing blackface
OTTAWA – Sources report that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has sunk into a bout of profound melancholy due to the conflux of COVID, Afghanistan, China, and unpredictable Conservative support, voc…
Jean Chrétien hired as Trudeau’s bodyguard
OTTAWA — In response to violent protesters throwing rocks and calling for his execution, Liberal leader Justin Trudeau has hired Jean Chrétien as his personal bodyguard. The 87-year-old has sever…
Erin O’Toole reverses position he hasn’t announced yet
OTTAWA – In the wake of changing his position on abortion, guns and the carbon tax, Erin O’Toole has also announced that he no longer plans to sell corporate naming rights to all of …
Antivaxxer spends day protesting hospital where he’ll spend next month intubated
TORONTO – Local anti-vaccine protestor Brayden Crosby, 32, spent today demonstrating against COVID-19 vaccine mandates outside the hospital where he will coincidentally be admitted for chro…
Trudeau nervous about losing job, suddenly extends CRB
OTTAWA – In response to recent forecasts that he may not have a job for much longer, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced a sudden extension to CRB. “The Canada Recovery Benefit was introd…