by Prime Minister Mark Carney My fellow Canadians, artificial intelligence (AI) is the next great technological transformation, and the time to go all in is now. That is why I am announcing the G…
Business
Tesla to wind down Cybertruck production by just waiting for them all to catch fire
AUSTIN, TX – EV manufacturer Tesla has announced they will phase out production of the poorly-selling Cybertruck by waiting for each of the unsold models to spontaneously burst into flames,…
Games Industry Leaders remember Canadian developers just in time to crush them entirely
EDMONTON – In a stroke of luck, key movers and shakers in the video games industry recalled the existence of the incredible talent at Canadian studio Bioware just in time to wipe it from ex…
Carney calls on world to invest in one of Canada’s 6 companies
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney is continuing to beat the drum on international investment, calling on business leaders and countries from around the world to invest in one of Canada’s …
Rogers completes takeover of everything son talks to local dad about
TORONTO – Rogers Communications has announced that with the purchase of Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment and all its professional sports teams, the telecom giant has also taken full ownership …
Carney announces $1.2B investment to protect oceans from his own climate policy
VANCOUVER – Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced more than one billion dollars in federal funding to keep the ocean safe from the consequences of his own actions. “As an Oxford-trained econom…
Child’s imaginary restaurant acquired, shuttered by private equity
BRANDON, MB – 4-year-old Mikaela Hermer’s imaginary restaurant, in which she served invisible hot dogs and ice cream to her parents and friends, has filed for bankruptcy after being a…
Canadians relieved they won’t be forced to fly Air Canada
CALGARY – With news of the WestJet strike ending, Canadians are reportedly relieved that they won’t be forced to fly with the nation’s most terrifying airline: Air Canada. The sense of dread caus…
Shopify announces customers can use promo code PLUTOCRACY for 10% off all orders
TORONTO – In the wake of CEO Tobi Lutke endorsing an electoral system in which votes are allocated based on how much income tax you pay, e-commerce platform Shopify has announced that custo…
Neighbourhood kid who just learned to ride bike now logging 14-hour shift delivering Uber Eats
OAKVILLE, ON — Seven-year-old Ryan Driftwood has been making the most of his newfound love of riding his bicycle by “making bank” as a self-employed Uber Eats food courier. The second…
