SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Admitting they “never thought it would come to this,” a rigorous poll of every American confirmed that the sustained humiliation of living under tech bro dominance has f…
Business
Man exceeds email exclamation mark limit before 10am
EDMONTON, AB — Project manager Hank Johnson exceeded his personal email exclamation mark limit today before 10:00 a.m. local time. Johnson has grave concerns as to how he will get through the res…
Privatized airports means Canadians will pay less flying Air Canada out of Rogers Airport sponsored by Draft Kings
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Carney has announced a plan to sell off Canadian airports, thus generating revenue for his new sovereign wealth fund, and assures Canadians they will surely pay less…
Rogers buys naming rights to Bell Canada
TORONTO – In the latest in a string of branding acquisitions, telecom giant Rogers has secured all naming rights over Bell Canada. “When I think of Bell Canada, I think of a heartless, megalithic…
Unstoppable technology of the future still begging people to use it
Silicon Valley, CA – Generative AI, the technology every company with a vested interest in saying so agrees will soon take over the world continues to have to beg users to try it. “AI…
Air Canada promises next CEO will gouge customers in both English and French
MONTREAL – With CEO Michael Rousseau stepping down following a widely-derided public statement made only in English, Air Canada has vowed that their next CEO will mercilessly overcharge tra…
Flexible hours company lets bosses email employees any time
VANCOUVER – Business and productivity experts are touting a bold new initiative by a midsize Vancouver tech company that recently embraced a flexible hours model, allowing bosses to email employe…
Loblaws pretty sure people won’t care that coconuts labelled as “Canadian”
ETOBICOKE, ON – Despite individual stores receiving fines for mislabelling some foods as Canadian, Loblaws head office remains confident that Canadian shoppers will not notice their new pol…
Live Nation restricts ticket buying and selling exclusively to bots
NEW YORK – Following Live Nation’s settlement in an antitrust case over unfair ticket prices, the multinational entertainment company has announced that ticket buying and selling will…
Blue Jays to honour the moment Joe Carter chose a Rogers phone plan
TORONTO – The Toronto Blue Jays have announced plans to honour franchise legend Joe Carter with a statue depicting the iconic moment when Carter locked in a 100 GB mobile plan for himself and up …
