TORONTO – The team behind the ubiquitous ‘Never Have I Ever’ spots showcasing Toronto residents who have never participated in well-known Toronto experiences like going to the R…
Toronto
Toronto police spend $1m on flip flops for officers to patrol beaches
TORONTO, ON — Toronto Police Service are spending $1 million on flip flops as officers have patrol the beaches for this year’s Summer season. “It’s a matter of having our officers adequately equi…
Doug Ford grants powers to new Strong Mayors, Fast Mayors, Heat-Vision Mayors
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has emerged from his secret underground laboratory to announce his successful creation of a new breed of mayor with the strength, speed, agility and superhuman…
Five ways to guilt friends into seeing your terrible Fringe Play
It’s Fringe season, y’all. You’ve spent months — or at least hours — writing and rehearsing your masterpiece. A dance interpretation of the House Hippo PSA told from…
Toronto police ask for budget increase to more equitably beat up residents
TORONTO – Following newly revealed statistics proving that Toronto Police Services uses force against BIPOC residents far more often than it does white ones, Chief James Ramer has asked the…
Pearson International security lines backed up to Billy Bishop Airport
TORONTO – Officials at Pearson International Airport confirm that extensive delays have resulted in a 26.7-kilometres-long lineup for security, stretching all the way into the lobby of the …
Toronto Police launch task force to send guns from Toronto to Ukraine
TORONTO – In an effort to help Ukraine in the ongoing war with Russia, Toronto Police announced yesterday that they will be launching a special task force that will look to recover illegal …
Toronto is now North America’s Third-Largest Tech Douchebag Hub
TORONTO, ON – Citizens were overjoyed when earlier this week, the New York Times ranked Toronto as North America’s third-largest hub of tech douchebags, nouveau riche jerkoffs, and self-imp…
We found Toronto’s cheapest apartment: Jail!
You’ve heard of micro condos and capsule hotels, but have you heard about incarceration? Toronto South Detention Centre is listing 1000s of one-bedroom/bathroom apartments for virtually no cost. …
New Pixar movie details fantastical story of being able to afford living in Toronto
TORONTO – Pixar Studios’ latest animated adventure, Turning Red, details the whimsical and outlandish story of a family who are able to afford a house in the downtown Toronto core. Turning …