…
Toronto
John Tory wins on entrepreneurial background as guy who spent decades working for his dad
TORONTO – Incumbent Mayor John Tory was re-elected today, on the strength of his qualifications as a man who started his political career having worked exclusively for his dad and his dad’s…
Polls indicate Toronto mayoral frontrunner is Doug Ford wearing John Tory’s face as a mask
TORONTO – As residents head to the polls this morning, all signs suggest that the city’s new mayor is likely to be Doug Ford wearing John Tory’s face as a mask. Polling data suggests the Ford-Tor…
John Tory stunned to learn he can’t send butler to vote for him
TORONTO — As Torontonians head to the polls, Mayor John Tory is reportedly shocked that he cannot send his butler, Reginald Percy Shillingsworth, to cast his ballot for him. “What? You expe…
Pride Toronto willing to do anything to get gay icon Doug Ford to join parade
TORONTO – Following an announcement by Ontario’s sickeningly fabulous Premier Doug Ford that he would only march in Pride Toronto’s annual parade if police are also allowed to m…
Toronto Sun offers weekly column to arsonist who targeted refugee hotel
TORONTO — Following an attempted arson at the Radisson Toronto, which appeared to be inspired in part by Toronto Sun columns regarding refugees staying in the hotel, the Sun has offered a w…
Journalists interviewing Stephen Harper on his new book ball gagged as a precaution
TORONTO – Former Prime Minister Stephen Harper has launched his book tour by preemptively gagging any journalist interviewing him to avoid any unexpected questions. CTV’s Question Period ho…
Affordable housing: John Tory promises to build one giant detached home for all of Toronto’s poor
TORONTO – Showing a bold new vision for the 2018 mayoral race, John Tory has announced plans to build Toronto’s underprivileged a giant two-bathroom, forty-eight-thousand-bedroom house in t…
Norm Kelly’s Twitter account revealed to be run by rapping cartoon dog
TORONTO – Ending years of speculation, he ghostwriter behind Toronto city councillor Norm Kelly’s wildly popular Twitter account, @Norm, was revealed earlier today to be local rapping carto…
If re-elected, Tory promises to increase flooding until Toronto a gondola-filled Venice of the North
TORONTO – With the mayoral election less than a month away, John Tory is running on his record of turning Toronto into a stormwater-flooded city of breathtaking waterways. “Imagine it,” sai…
