TORONTO — Speaking to reporters, Ontario premier Doug Ford cancelled the city’s plans for a downtown relief subway line before announcing his own “Ontario Line” subway, which he also then p…
Toronto
Last person to use Toronto’s Union Station pre-construction dies of old age
TORONTO – Florence Green, the last person in the world to travel through Toronto’s Union Station before the renovation began, has died peacefully in her sleep at the age of 112. “Our belove…
TTC finally admits “signal upgrades” just code for Fuck Party in the subway tunnels
TORONTO – Toronto Transit Commission representatives have shocked the city by revealing that the commonly used explanation for subway closures – signal upgrades – is simply code for all TTC emplo…
Bruce McArthur pleads guilty, Toronto police still skeptical
TORONTO – Urging the public to not jump to any conclusions, Toronto Police Services have issued a statement to remind the public that just because Bruce McArthur has pleaded guilty to eight…
Toronto man who wasn’t speaking told to stop complaining about the snow
TORONTO – Despite the fact that he hasn’t actually said anything about the recent snowstorm, local man Jamal Cook has been frequently told by friends and colleagues from other parts of Cana…
Local man’s dog has better jacket than him
TORONTO – This week dog owner Ben Mazer shocked Bickford dog park by showing up with a dog with a significantly better jacket. Clad in a simple coat from an army surplus outlet, Mazer seemed unfa…
New homestyle restaurant just Lean Cuisines from the 90’s
TORONTO – A new restaurant in Toronto’s hip Entertainment District, Microwave Loven, seeks to replicate home made, traditional comfort food from people’s childhood by mainly serving microwa…
Toronto Police ask black community to apologize for making them look so bad
TORONTO – Following a widely publicized report from the Ontario Human Rights Commission that reveals black people are 20 times more likely to be shot and killed by Toronto Police than white…
Cannabis tourist expected Toronto to be cooler
TORONTO – Visitors from the U.S. were dismayed this week to learn that despite Canada’s recent marijuana legalization, the city of Toronto is still extremely boring. Ohio native Jenna Blake…
St. Michael’s faculty, parents insist they’ve had a long talk with students about properly covering up hazing
TORONTO — Following a police investigation into graphic reports of sexual assault among the students at St. Michael’s private Catholic boys school, the faculty as well as some parents…