Sports Archives - The Beaverton


No one at Blue Jays game wants to be there

TORONTO – After arriving at the Rogers Centre for yet another grinder of a baseball game, sources report that literally no one attending the Blue Jays game today-  including players, staff,…


ESPN returns to ignoring Canada’s existence

BRISTOL, CT – After the departure of NBA Champion and former Toronto Raptor Kawhi Leonard to the LA Clippers, ESPN has resumed the assumption that Canada is a mythical, non-existent land wh…


World in shock after better team wins

TORONTO – In the days after the Toronto Raptors defeated Golden State to win their first NBA championship, sports analysts and fans expressed their disbelief that the Warriors could ever fa…