LONDON – Swiftly following the birth of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s first child, Buckingham Palace spokespeople confirmed that he has already achieved all goals, objectives, and purposes exp…
World
Catholic Church assures billionaires that none of their Notre Dame donations will go to poor
VATICAN CITY — Speaking to the handful of billionaires, CEO’s, and corporations that had immediately donated billions of dollars to rebuild the burned Notre Dame Cathedral, Pope Francis ass…
Brexit deadline officially pushed back to Claire Danes’ birthday
LONDON – The EU has granted the UK’s request to push the deadline for Brexit from its previous date of March 29 to April 12, the birthday of American actor Claire Danes. “This added time wi…
Local man starting to suspect it’s too late to ask what Brexit is
Brandon, MB – Local man Steven Bach is getting the feeling that the time to figure out what Brexit actually is has long since passed. “I saw on the news that the UK government might fall du…
Prince Philip still refuses to give up pilot’s license
LONDON – Despite voluntarily surrendering his driving permit after a recent vehicle accident, Prince Philip is still racking up solo hours by flying throughout the country. Buckingham Palac…
China unveils new tourism slogan, ‘Come and you’ll never be able to leave’
BEIJING – After a wave of Canadian citizens were suddenly and permanently relocated to China, the country’s Ministry of Culture and Tourism has unveiled an exciting new slogan, ‘Come and you’ll n…
Chinese government incarcerates family of dead moon plant for failing the Party
BEIJING — In a swift and brutal raid last night, Chinese state officials arrested and jailed the family of the cotton sprout that withered and died just days after becoming the first plant …
Millennial taking spectre of nuclear war in stride
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Sources report thirty year old Caitlin Barnes is “pretty laid back” despite the very real possibility a single tweet could incinerate the world in a massive radioactive in…
Egyptian museum claims dibs on Tower of London after UK falls into post-Brexit turmoil
CAIRO – An Egyptian museum focusing on fallen human civilizations has called dibs on the Tower of London now that the country is expected to fall into turmoil after Prime Minister Theresa M…
Chinese government inviting Canadian tourists with authentic geopolitical prisoner experience
BEIJING – The Chinese government is wooing more Canadians to take in the comfort of a customary cell block, breathtaking interrogations, and quiet isolation as part of their new Chinese geo…