OTTAWA – As a global tech outage disrupts operations in multiple industries, including airlines, banks, and health care, citizens across Canada have reported assuming that the poor service …
World
Man angry about 15-minute cities wouldn’t last a day in Europe’s 15-minute countries
MARTENSVILLE, SK ― Sources close to Terrence Graves, a local mechanic, report that the 54-year-old who has been grousing for months about the entirely unrealistic dream of making North America th…
Report: Protestor encampment at McGill still cleaner than student residences
MONTREAL – A recent examination of the Pro-Palestine protest encampment set up on the McGill University campus has found that the students involved are currently living in conditions that a…
Trudeau startled by UK news that long-standing, deeply-unpopular governments must eventually hold elections
OTTAWA – According to sources in 24 Sussex Drive, Justin Trudeau was taken aback after learning that Rishi Sunak, the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, has called a July election despite some…
UPDATE: Royal Family insists Kate has always had 3 hands, and King Charles is with her on a farm in the country
MARCH 18TH UPDATE: Buckingham Palace has re-confirmed reports made last week, saying that not only does Kate Middleton have three hands which she has always had, but that King Charles the Third, …
Buckingham Palace struggling to enforce Return to Office policy
LONDON – Staffers at Buckingham Palace are frustrated that the Royal Family will not comply with orders to return to on-site work. “I know that we all got used to working remotely during lo…
Royal Family stands by photos, insists Kate Middleton has always had 3 hands
LONDON – In the wake of releasing a photo of Kate Middleton that many have accused of being photoshopped, Kensington Palace officials insist that picture is both recent and real, and that t…
Ukrainian military discovers Canadian “drones” just old Sea Kings with GoPros taped on
KYIV, UKRAINE – Following the announcement that Canada will provide 800 drones to aid in the Ukrainian war effort to repel Russia’s invasion, military officers in Ukraine report that …
Russian autopsy shows Navalny locked self in Siberian gulag, poisoned self
MOSCOW – Officials from the Kremlin, under the close supervision of Russian President Vladimir Putin, have concluded an autopsy of Alexei Navalny, concluding that the recently-deceased oppo…
BREAKING: Greece legalizes Greek food
ATHENS, GREECE – The government of Greece has proudly announced that they have legalized the country’s long-standing tradition of eating Greek cuisine. “Is it possible people were doing this in G…