MARCH 18TH UPDATE: Buckingham Palace has re-confirmed reports made last week, saying that not only does Kate Middleton have three hands which she has always had, but that King Charles the Third, …
World
Buckingham Palace struggling to enforce Return to Office policy
LONDON – Staffers at Buckingham Palace are frustrated that the Royal Family will not comply with orders to return to on-site work. “I know that we all got used to working remotely during lo…
Royal Family stands by photos, insists Kate Middleton has always had 3 hands
LONDON – In the wake of releasing a photo of Kate Middleton that many have accused of being photoshopped, Kensington Palace officials insist that picture is both recent and real, and that t…
Ukrainian military discovers Canadian “drones” just old Sea Kings with GoPros taped on
KYIV, UKRAINE – Following the announcement that Canada will provide 800 drones to aid in the Ukrainian war effort to repel Russia’s invasion, military officers in Ukraine report that …
Russian autopsy shows Navalny locked self in Siberian gulag, poisoned self
MOSCOW – Officials from the Kremlin, under the close supervision of Russian President Vladimir Putin, have concluded an autopsy of Alexei Navalny, concluding that the recently-deceased oppo…
BREAKING: Greece legalizes Greek food
ATHENS, GREECE – The government of Greece has proudly announced that they have legalized the country’s long-standing tradition of eating Greek cuisine. “Is it possible people were doing this in G…
Hamas and Netanyahu exchange Valentines to thank each other for job security
GAZA – In the wake of an intractable decades-long conflict that has left thousands of civilians dead in both Israel and the Gaza Strip, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netenyahu and the lea…
Putin pauses interview to ask if Carlson wants to go at least a little harder on him
MOSCOW – During a rare sit-down interview with Tucker Carlson, Russian President Vladimir Putin was repeatedly forced to pause the proceedings in order to encourage the ex-Fox News pundit t…
International Court of Justice rules that Israel must bomb civilians more humanely
THE HAGUE – In a preliminary ruling on South Africa v. Israel, the International Court of Justice has decreed that Israel must bomb civilians in the Gaza Strip with more care and compassion. “Wh…
Oh No: Friend from high school debuts 5th straight incorrect Middle East take on Facebook
TORONTO – Cliffdale High ‘09 alum Jim Smith has repeatedly whiffed attempts to write and publish a correct Facebook take about the devastating conflict in the Middle East at least five time…