The NHL trade deadline is fast approaching. And Beaverton sports has got you covered with the top available players, broken down by what they will cost 31 of the league’s teams, and then ho…
Conservatives announce that Loblaws will be exclusive distributors of new Porn IDs
OTTAWA – Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre has already announced an exclusive deal that would see his government’s newly-proposed Porn IDs sold exclusively at Loblaws grocery store…
Auston Matthews vows to work on his “pass to a guy who passes to a guy who scores” skills so he can finally deserve MVP
LAS VEGAS – Fresh off scoring 51 goals in 54 games Leafs centre Auston Matthews has announced that he has heard the criticism and will immediately devote his time and effort to developing h…
Conservatives explain why they’re so obsessed with Trans Kids
Now that Conservatives in Canada have embraced their American cousins’ plan of winning elections by attacking Trans kids at every opportunity, we asked them why they are so obsessed with th…
Alberta Premier Marlaina Smith bans kids from going by their preferred name
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Marlaina Smith has announced that Trans kids under the age of 15 will not be allowed to use the name of their choosing without parental consent. “Demanding …
Read the curriculum for Jordan Peterson’s court ordered social media training
Jordan Peterson has once again lost his appeal of the College Of Psychologists’ Order that he take mandatory social media training or risk losing his license for making degrading statements…
Doug Ford moves Ontario’s Legislative Assembly to the back of a Costco
TORONTO – Carrying on with his party’s plan to make every government office operate out of an American chain store, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced that provincial parliament …
Fake hockey fan able to enjoy his team signing good players without conducting armchair salary cap analysis
TORONTO – After his team signed one of their best players to a long term contract extension, casual fan Matt Christenson celebrated without even performing his own detailed analysis of how …
Pierre Poilievre describes more jobs
After Pierre Poilievre described an electrician as someone who “captures lightning from the sky and runs it through a copper wire to illuminate this room and light up the world” we sa…
Canadian Politicians New Year’s Resolutions
We asked the biggest names in Canadian politics what they hope to accomplish in the new year. Here is what they had to say:…