TORONTO – In an effort to make the play in tournament and playoffs feel as realistic as possible despite the lack of fans in the stands the NHL has begun playing audio clips of fans drunken…
94% of Social Distance Hang spent talking about whether everyone is far enough apart
Belleville, ON – A group of friends enjoying a social distance hang in one of their backyards spent nearly all of their time talking about whether they were all at least 6 feet apart. ̶…
Please don’t make me risk getting COVID to teach, especially that prick Noah
By: Cathy Mitglied, grade 5 teacher The Ontario government has announced that in September schools will reopen with regular class sizes and curriculum. Although they say there will be “enha…
Kielburgers start ethics committee testimony by asking if MPs want to donate to WE Charity
OTTAWA – In their opening statements before the committee investigating alleged conflicts of interest between them and Justin Trudeau in the awarding of the student grant program, Craig and…
Americans fleeing COVID try to sneak into Canada by disguising themselves as NHL players
DETROIT/WINDSOR BORDER – As NHL teams have made the journey to the league’s two bubble cities of Edmonton and Toronto, many Americans attempting to escape the pandemic have taken to disguis…
“I finally feel like me again,” says Ford after introducing anti-tenant legislation, blaming young for COVID spike
TORONTO – After months of behaving like a different, more competent and compassionate premier, Doug Ford says he has finally found himself again this week after blaming young Ontarians̵…
Companies furious employees choosing CERB over work briefly consider paying more
TORONTO – Companies outraged that employees would choose to take the $2,000.00 Emergency Response Benefit over returning to work 40-50 hours per week in the midst of a pandemic briefly cons…
Canada bans Blue Jays due to COVID, sucking
TORONTO – The federal government has announced that the Toronto Blue Jays will not be able to play home games in Toronto this year due to the COVID pandemic, and the fact that the team was …
Liberals appoint WE Charity to investigate WE Charity conflict of interest scandal
OTTAWA – Acknowledging that an outside investigator is needed to look into allegations that the Liberals handed a billion dollar grant program to a Charity with extensive ties to Bill Morne…
Canada politely declines U.S. politicians’ request to kill thousands of our residents
OTTAWA – Despite wanting to maintain warm relations with the United States, Canadian officials today rejected the letter from Members of Congress asking that we reopen the border and kill t…