TORONTO – After taking the weekend to mull it over, Ontario’s teachers have decided not to accept the provincial government’s latest offer, where salaries would be drastically cut and Ford …
Friend who moved to suburbs really wants you to come visit sometime
Oakville, ON – Ryan, your buddy from University who recently moved to the Toronto suburb of Oakville has texted you for the fourth time this month that you should totally come over and visi…
Neat! Murdoch Mysteries has been on so long it now takes place in the future
What a twist! Turns out Beloved CBC tv series Murdoch Mysteries, about an early 20th Century detective with disturbingly pretty eyes, has been on the air for so many years that it now takes place…
Conservatives distance selves from Scheer by crowning scandal prone white man who can’t win Quebec
OTTAWA – Seeking to put plenty of room between them and the disastrous leadership tenure of Andrew Scheer, the Conservative Party is preparing to anoint as leader Peter MacKay, a man credib…
Man watching porn on incognito mode pretty sure he has everyone fooled
Timmins, ON – Troy Lambert, a cunning rapscallion, believes he has gotten one over on the universe by watching pornography using google chrome’s incognito mode. “Now no one will know that I…
Conservatives sure party members who supported Scheer and Bernier last time will now choose a centrist leader with mass appeal
OTTAWA – As the Conservative Party leadership contest officially gets underway party insiders expressed confidence that the same members who last time supported libertarian, racist uncle Ma…
Trump crosses ‘start WWIII’ off his New Year’s Resolutions list
WASHINGTON D.C. – Right after ordering the assassination of Iran’s General Suleimani a satisfied Donald Trump sat back and took a pleasant moment to cross off ‘start WWIII’ from his 2020 Ne…
Office holiday party finally gives co-workers chance to spend more time together
Markham, ON – a local office’s annual holiday party has given employees exactly what they’ve always wanted: the chance to spend more time surrounded by their co-workers. “Oh man finally,” s…
Update: white journalists still not seeing the irony of demanding Wilson-Raybould give office back
OTTAWA – a survey of the dozens of white mainstream media journalists currently writing angry editorials about Jody Wilson Raybould refusing to vacate an office that does not belong to her …
Kawhi celebrates return to Toronto by visiting his favourite H&R Block
TORONTO – Several months after leading the Raptors to their first NBA title Kawhi Leonard has returned to Toronto, so naturally has marked his return to the city by spending the afternoon a…