BY: BILL MORNEAU, MINISTER OF FINANCE When we formed the government the Prime Minister and I were determined to put the politics of division behind us and bring the country together. We did that …
Editorial
Dear Babysitter: Here’s a quick summary of the lies we’ve told our children
Hi Babysitter! Thanks for coming over and taking care of our little ones! They are our pride and joy. Raising them to be responsible citizens has been quite the adventure! In the course of raisin…
3 reasons I WASN’T “owned” when Johnny Cage splits-punched me in the genitals
BY GORO, PRINCE OF SHOKAN By now I’m sure you’ve seen the video, and had a good laugh about how my confrontation with liberal celebrity Johnny Cage at the Mortal Kombat tournament ended with him …
Am I the only one currently rubbing cocoa butter on myself while listening to “Careless Whisper?”
By: CHRISTINE NEWMAN At first, staying in on Saturday night seemed like a boring time, a classic party for one. But to my surprise, after having a bath I ended up rubbing cocoa butter on myself w…
“Ah – yes! Well, yes, absolutely”
EDITORIAL: By Jeff Goldblum Mm? Ah! Hello, of course, hello. It’s uh – well? – I suppose it’s me, Jeff, um Jeff Goldblum the ah actor, performer – of course The Fly, many other uh – here not on t…
Just look at the size of my tomatoes!
By: Your Dad Would you just look at those! Have you ever seen tomatoes that big before? Look at that. Big. Red. Round. Now that’s a tomato. You know, I wasn’t too sure this year because the summe…
An all-female Lord of the Flies is an insult to my childhood spent going nuts on an island
Oh boy, here we go again. It’s obvious that the film industry won’t stop until every beloved property from our childhood is desecrated with the PC treatment. An all-female Ghostbuster…
But if we tear down the statues of Sir John A, how are we going to remember his legacy as a genocidal drunk?
Editorial by: T. Garrett McHue I’m deeply concerned that some of people who call themselves ‘Canadians’ are trying to rewrite Canadian history by tearing down statues of our First Prime Minister …
Help, I’m a real journalist but I keep reporting on Justin Trudeau’s photo-ops without asking real questions!
By: Randi Bateman, Reporter I really need your help! I’m a real journalist, but I’m drawn into into the Prime Minister’s PR stunts, take dozens of photos, and report on it without asking a seriou…
Typical: Millennials just want to stare at the eclipsed sun without putting in the hard work of worshipping it
By Harvey Prun of the Third House of the Sunseekers I’m not saying anything that hasn’t been said before when I point out that Millennials expect everything to just be given to them from jobs to …