OTTAWA – As an olive branch from the Trudeau government to the Indigenous groups showing solidarity with the Wet’suwet’en hereditary chiefs by blocking some of Canada’s busiest railways, In…
Tax-cheating drunk driver furious about protesters not respecting the rule of law
VANCOUVER – Walter Cline, a man who knowingly cheats on his taxes every single year and drives drunk several times a month, thinks it’s just disgusting that some people have broken the law …
“Couldn’t they have called the coronavirus something else?” asks local man named Covid-19
CALGARY – The international community now has a name for the coronavirus that’s killed over a thousand people and sickened tens of thousands more, Covid-19, and a local man with the same na…
Local dog certain you’d be much happier if he had your burger
YOUR LIVING ROOM – Your loving and loyal canine companion Rusty knows for a fact that everyone would benefit from you giving him your burger, and he’s confident he can convince you of that …
RCMP: Exclusion zones necessary to protect Canadian public from dangers of rampant journalism
UNCEDED WET’SUWET’EN TERRITORY – Following a pre-dawn raid to remove Indigenous occupants from several camps in northern B.C. today, the RCMP is defending its practice of removing journalis…
Breaking: U.S. government
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After chugging along for almost 250 years, the U.S. government looks to be on its last legs. “It’s not the oldest government, and by virtually every metric it’…
Man worried about coronavirus still hasn’t gotten flu shot
TORONTO – Seth Radcliffe, who has not had a flu vaccine in the last five years, wants to know exactly what the governments of the world and the UN are doing to protect him from the new coro…
Quaker Oats announces that Cap’n Crunch has died as the result of auto-erotic asphyxiation
CHICAGO – Quaker Oats informed the public today that Cap’n Crunch, the cheerful cereal mascot who has been delighting children since 1963, is dead as a result of accidentally hanging himsel…
World Economic Forum in Davos experiencing crippling top hat shortage
DAVOS-KLOSTERS, SWITZERLAND – The latest annual meeting of the World Economic Forum has descended into chaos and anger due to a shortage of top hats and other necessary plutocrat accoutreme…
Hundred Acre Wood unrecognizable after years of unregulated resource extraction
HUNDRED ACRE WOOD – The world was stunned today by images that reveal that the imaginary land which Winnie-the-Pooh (and Tigger too) call home has been ravaged by logging and fracking compa…