Fruit fly just wants to suck and fuck on your watermelon rinds
KITCHENER, ON – A notorious fruit fly that has been pestering the home of a local couple, has finally been captured early this morning. When his motives were questioned, the fruit fly simpl…
Media outlets that just committed to anti-racism stance take cheat day to praise white terrorist
OTTAWA — Despite widespread commitments last month to confront systemic racism within journalism, Canadian media outlets have allowed themselves a quick cheat day to praise the armed, white terro…
Trump says Biden’s poll numbers wouldn’t be so high if they stopped testing voters
Washington D.C. – US president Trump has issued a statement saying that Democratic Party nominee Joe Biden is only polling ahead of him because they are asking voters for their opinion. “Th…
Ethics watchdog to investigate Trudeau government giving $900 million to WWE
OTTAWA – Ethics Commissioner Mario Dion has begun investigating Prime Minister Justin Trudeau over the Liberals’ choice to provide $900 million to WWE to administer the government’s summer …
Edmonton CFL team doubles down by adding Confederate flag
EDMONTON – Expressing their contempt for what they call “football-hating social justice warriors,” Edmonton Eskimos management have added a Confederate flag to their logo. Management explai…
Black Lives Matter lawn sign is white neighbourhood’s most esteemed activist
OTTAWA — Residents of Westpointe, a suburban neighbourhood known for being very very white, are taking a stand against anti-Black racism thanks to a local activist they call “the most distinguish…
Trudeau saddened that WE Charity controversy means government will have to do its own job
OTTAWA – A somber Justin Trudeau announced today that due to the controversy surrounding his family’s links with the charity he’d tapped to administer almost a billion dollars in funding fo…
FBI promises to expedite process of Epstein associate mysteriously hanging herself in prison
NEW YORK – After arresting Ghislaine Maxwell, accomplice of convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, the Justice Department has promised to put the FBI’s full resources behind expediting her…
Toddler finally has time to catch up with latest season of Doc McStuffins
WINDSOR, ON – As the Covid-19 pandemic continues to keep most Canadians indoors, many are using their down time to catch up on things they wouldn’t have time for otherwise. Among them is 2-…
Summer camp cancellations deprive millions of tweens access to first-base
MUSKOKA, ON – After the news that overnight camps would be suspended this year due to the COVID-19 pandemic, millions of tweens were left heartbroken upon the realization that this would no…
