WASHINGTON D.C. – Responding to criticism that his recent executive order on childhood vaccines is medically unsound, President Trump has argued that its motivation was preventing kids from being sexually exploited later in life by killing them early.
The defence was released by way of a Truth Social post:
A lot of low-IQ people are saying that we need vaccines to help kids live. I call them Dumb-ocrats. Don’t they realize that if kids live, they’ll just get taken by sex criminals like Epstein. Who I never liked and never hugged by the way, except for those 322 times I was photographed doing so WHICH NEVER HAPPENED! We need to stop focusing on Epstein anyway because the past is over and we have to protect everyone from the future so the kids have to just die. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Doctors who have reviewed the recent message have begrudgingly admitted that, yes, the deaths of millions of children from preventable illnesses will, in fact, stop them from being exploited for sexual purposes. Each doctor then heaved a heavy sigh afterwards.
“Giving kids communicable illnesses is the best way to make sure they aren’t raped later. No one wants to have sex with a kid who can get them sick!” growled RFK Jr., from his vacation home’s bear-meat locker.
While experts have suggested that stricter laws on child trafficking, better enforcement, and actually releasing unredacted copies of the Epstein files, for God’s sake, might better ensure such horrors are not repeated, the Trump administration has pushed back. In a terse response, the White House press office wrote: “No. Too much work. Kids should die. Ok bye.”
While efforts were made to get the perspective of actual children affected by the order, none could be reached as they were all bedridden with disease.
