TORONTO – As he took a photo op with people receiving their second dose of the COVID vaccine while thousands of other doses sit in freezers, Ontario Premier Doug Ford maintained his government’s steadfast commitment to the trickle down theory of vaccine distribution.
“It’s very simple,” said Ford. “You just give all the vaccine to the top 10% of income earners and then their immunity leaks down to the rest of the province.”
“That way, we’ll achieve herd immunity at the same pace as tax cuts for the rich boost the economic standing of the working class!”
Critics of the approach have said that Ford’s approach is “elitist” and “not at all how medication works” but the wealthy who have received it say the approach is working.
“I have never felt more immune!” said Galen Weston as he received his 15th shot of the Moderna vaccine. “Now I, my family, and the other guests at the exclusive Monaco hotel I will be flying to can rest easy.”
Ford and his extremely tanned cabinet are confident their approach will succeed.
“It’s not like the rich are just going to hoard as much of the vaccine as possible and then turn around and sell it to their other rich friends,” said Health Minister Christine Elliott.
“Whether you’re a millionaire CEO or a truck driver, every Ontarian can be confident they will receive the vaccine by labour day… 2025”
