TORONTO, ON – 22-year-old comedian Kyle Johnson has been called out by his family and friends for being unable to do any offensive accents.
The problem began when his father, Keith Johnson, told their extended family that Kyle was doing stand-up comedy. “It started with my family all saying ‘My Wife’ and ‘Very Nice’ here and there but soon at every gathering they’d ask me to do accents and make dick jokes. My uncle would tell me to talk like Mr Tabrizi, our Persian neighbour, and then he’d just start doing the accent himself. That’s not comedy!”
His father Keith explains: “I’m worried Kyle doesn’t have what it takes to be a comedian. He had a joke about convenience stores and I told him to make the store owner Indian like Apu but he said ‘No that’s not the point of the joke’.”
“What’s funny about convenience stores if the owner doesn’t even have an accent? Honestly, I should be up there,” Keith added solemnly.
“I saw him perform at an open mic and it was pretty embarrassing. In addition to a complete lack of accents, he hardly mentioned his penis at all,” explained Sherman Marks, Kyle’s childhood friend. “I get he’s trying to be different, but in comedy the staples are staples. At least share some un-informed sexist opinions about women or something”.
At press time Kyle’s dad Keith has started performing at open mics alongside his son, and has already signed with Yuk Yuk’s as a headline performer (You can follow him on Twitter @hairyballsdad69).