Strathmore, AB ― Sources confirm that local 11th- and 12th-grade English literature teacher Marian Jansen has already made plans for the weekend, and they once again involve just sitting around o…
Education
Gym teacher joins class game of dodgeball instead of going to therapy
RED DEER, AB – A class game of dodgeball at West Valley Elementary School was rocked this past Thursday when the gym teacher decided to vent his frustrations by joining in the game. Student…
Teacher either using Socratic method or just winging it
EDMONTON – According to sources in Mr. Lawrence’s Grade 11 English class, no one is sure if their teacher is leading them through an ingenious Socratic dialogue or just talking out of his ass. “…
47,000 Bryces graduate from business school
CALGARY – As universities around Canada conclude their academic year, thousands upon thousands of young men named Bryce are graduating from their respective business schools. “I can’t wait to beg…
Uh oh! We told this graduating class they can do anything and they believed us!
Oh hell, we really did it this time. We were asked to give a speech at the graduation of a local high school and carelessly ended it with a generic encouraging statement about how they can achiev…
Seneca College unveils slogan “Seneca: The Harvard of Eastern Finch/Don Mills”
EASTERN FINCH/DON MILLS – Seneca College has undergone a rebrand, and is now calling itself “The Harvard of Eastern Finch/Don Mills.” “It’s time to toot our own horn a little,” said Seneca …
Universities promise students can skip final exams if in-person learning causes them to die
NATIONWIDE – With Canadian universities resuming on-site classes after the latest COVID wave, several institutions announced new policies allowing students to miss final exams in the event …
Ontario schools really hoping to score a coveted 100% on their PCR tests
ETOBICOKE, ON – As students head back to school across the province, Ontario is holding out hope for a coveted 100% on their symptomatic COVID-19 PCR tests. “Of all the province-wide standa…
Kids returning to their virtual school classrooms find them smaller than they remembered
TORONTO – Wistful and nostalgic students returning to virtual school across the country were surprised to find their old classrooms were smaller than they seemed in previous years. “Man, th…
Alberta Education Ministry assures parents it will stop publishing Nazi propaganda starting now
EDMONTON – The Alberta Ministry of Education has agreed to stop publishing a document that encourages educators to use materials that highlight the positive aspects of Nazi Germany, such as…