REGINA – Several conservative provincial governments have enacted or are planning to enact policies that require parental consent for children to change their names and pronouns in school a…
Education
University’s 2-Factor authentication stymies hacker trying to do other people’s homework
CALEDON, ON ― A local hacker’s nefarious plot to maliciously log into a first-year student’s account and do their algebra was frustrated this week, thanks to the foresight of administrators who r…
Incoming first year students excited to pretend Carleton University was their first choice
OTTAWA – As graduating high school seniors across the country look forward to starting post-secondary education, students from the Carleton University class of 2027 are excited to begin the…
“I’ll probably be shot before I graduate” replaces “my dog ate it” as #1 American homework excuse
WASHINGTON, DC ― According to reports from teachers in dozens of states, the classic excuse “my dog ate it” has been displaced in favour of citing the futility of studying for a life that will be…
Average number of languages spoken by North Americans falls to 0.7
VANCOUVER, BC ― A new analysis from the University of British Columbia has found that the number of languages in which an average North American adult is proficient enough to converse has fallen …
Florida student arrested after accidentally using wrong gender articles in Spanish class
LAKE CITY, FL ― A 10th-grade student has been taken into custody after she asked a friend to borrow “una bolígrafo” despite having been clearly taught that pens are male and should only be refere…
Lazy, entitled teacher to spend entire weekend grading essays again
Strathmore, AB ― Sources confirm that local 11th- and 12th-grade English literature teacher Marian Jansen has already made plans for the weekend, and they once again involve just sitting around o…
Gym teacher joins class game of dodgeball instead of going to therapy
RED DEER, AB – A class game of dodgeball at West Valley Elementary School was rocked this past Thursday when the gym teacher decided to vent his frustrations by joining in the game. Student…
Teacher either using Socratic method or just winging it
EDMONTON – According to sources in Mr. Lawrence’s Grade 11 English class, no one is sure if their teacher is leading them through an ingenious Socratic dialogue or just talking out of his ass. “…
47,000 Bryces graduate from business school
CALGARY – As universities around Canada conclude their academic year, thousands upon thousands of young men named Bryce are graduating from their respective business schools. “I can’t wait to beg…