Armageddon 2: Asteroid saves Earth from U.S. in Michael Bay sequel
LOS ANGELES – Twenty-eight years after Bruce Willis and a ragtag crew of oil drillers saved humanity from cosmic annihilation, Hollywood is finally answering the question nobody asked: Wha…
Julie K. Brown wins Pulitzer prize for report on Epstein’s [REDACTED]
Miami, [CENSORED] – Julie K. Brown of the Miami Herald has been awarded a Pulitzer Prize for her impactful work on the Jeffrey Epstein investigation and people like [EXPUNGED] who allowed […
Five places you may think you are safe from Canada Geese, but aren’t
With Spring fully in motion, we felt it prudent to keep Canadians informed of the ever present threat poised by Branta canadensis, better known as Canada geese, the leading cause of car wash visi…
Vancouver Scientology speedrunning event attacked by sprinting Tom Cruise
VANCOUVER – Explosions rocked Vancouver’s downtown core Saturday afternoon as dozens of TikTokers forced their way into the Church of Scientology, only to be repelled by the force of actor …
Sundin: “Don’t worry, I’m used to propping up inept teammates in Toronto”
TORONTO – As the Maple Leafs unveil franchise great Mats Sundin as Senior Executive Advisor and Wendy’s franchisee John Chayka as GM, Sundin is assuring fans that he is used to succee…
Alberta separatists separate Albertans from their privacy
EDMONTON — The Centurion Project, an Alberta separatist organization, has been accused of illegally accessing the personal information of nearly three million voters, in a patriotic display of se…
Privatized airports means Canadians will pay less flying Air Canada out of Rogers Airport sponsored by Draft Kings
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Carney has announced a plan to sell off Canadian airports, thus generating revenue for his new sovereign wealth fund, and assures Canadians they will surely pay less…
Rogers puts statues of Ted Rogers in front of nation’s unemployment offices
“This can’t be good.” Luke and the Panel (Megan MacKay and Nile Seguin) try to understand how a Sovereign Wealth Fund works in a country with a massive deficit, discuss the fall…
Sweating Doug Ford announces plan to fill Lake Ontario with beer
QUEEN’S PARK — After a poll announced yesterday that Doug Ford’s Conservative government was trailing behind the Liberals for the first time in almost a decade, a visibly sweating Ford held a pre…
BREAKING: This nepo baby sure hates it when you call them a nepo baby
Los Angeles, CA – Recent interviews with famous people who have benefitted from their familiar relations have gone sour as interviewers correctly described them as nepo babies. “I am not a …
