The A&W Guy is dating your mom and you’re surprisingly okay with it
TORONTO – The pleasant bald man from the A&W commercials is seeing your mother, but you know what? It doesn’t bother you. “He’s a nice man,” says your 63-year-old mother. “The A&W G…
Zuckerberg “The average person has 3 friends, and Facebook is working to get that lower”
MENLO PARK, CA – In a recent statement to shareholders, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg explained that the average American only had three in-person friendships, and that Facebook plans to reduce …
Trump ends trade talks with Canada, resumes trade talks with Canada, ends trade talks with Canada, demands to know which European country is Canada
WASHINGTON, DC – U.S. President Donald Trump has publicly announced that he will cease all discussions with Canada over any new trade agreements, before immediately following that up statin…
Jury disappointed dentist committed murder with boring ol’ gun
KELOWNA, BC – An empanelled jury hearing the murder trial of Dr. Kenneth Pritchard has expressed bitter disappointment after hearing that the defendant was accused of killing his victim with a du…
Report: as long as this is the one ceasefire in a thousand that Israel doesn’t break, everything will be fine
Once in a blue moon, a ceasefire in the Middle East involving Israel actually holds. Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Megan MacKay and Nile Seguin) talk about Trump starting WWIII and then gett…
Canada signs deal with EU on defence, entry to Eurovision
BRUSSELS, BELGIUM – In addition to signing a strategic partnership with the European Union, Prime Minister Mark Carney has brokered a far more important deal allowing Canada to finally take…
New hit reality show begs to answer the question, “Do you want to ruin your life!?”
CALIFORNIA – This season’s newest hit reality show is taking the genre in a new direction by making its contestants compete against each other to ruin their own lives the fastest! The show …
Man’s weight loss resolution already complete thanks to a diet of raw milk, raw chicken, and raw salmonella
Toronto ON —Gary Packett, 35, has already achieved his weight loss goal of losing 100 pounds, thanks to his revolutionary new diet consisting entirely of raw milk, raw chicken, and a healthy dos…
Liberals promise anti-democratic components of Bill C-5 will be used sparingly as long as Conservatives never get in power again
OTTAWA – Shortly after jamming through a law that allows Cabinet to ignore Parliamentary Accountability for energy projects, Liberal MPs are confident that these provisions will only be use…
New Cirque du Soleil show apparently different from the others
SAINT-MICHEL, QC – A recent forensic examination of Cirque du Soleil’s latest show has brought to light shocking allegations: that the troupe’s show is not exactly the same every time…
