Endangered animals sick of humans breathlessly watching them mate
CALGARY – Animals on the endangered species list the world over are sick and tired of humanity’s obsession with watching their mating habits and they’re not keeping silent about it anymore.…
Breaking: Pope on balcony just to hack a dart
VATICAN CITY – Gathering in the thousands to hear him speak, parishioners were disappointed this Good Friday when Pope Francis came out on to the papal balcony just to open up a pack of Bel…
BREAKING: Guy you didn’t realize you invited to your birthday party is here thirty minutes early
MONTREAL, QC — As of 8:38 pm, it is being reported that Dan Schlensky has arrived at Cynthia Dante’s birthday party thirty minutes earlier than the Facebook invite initially had stated. Mak…
Efficiency: $200 million cut to Ontario public health units to streamline smaller, separate measles outbreaks into one big measles outbreak
TORONTO – Ontario’s Health and Long Term Care Minister Christine Elliott says that she’s making cuts to local health agencies to correct the inefficiencies in the spread of measles as well …
Redacted Mueller Report reads: “████ Trump ████ ███ not ██ ████ ██ guilty ████”
WASHINGTON, DC — After refusing to release the full Mueller Report for several weeks, Attorney General William Barr has cleared the report for public consumption, which states, “██████████ …
Triumphant Jason Kenney celebrates win by preemptively blaming Rachel Notley for everything that’ll go wrong during his premiership
CALGARY – After thanking everyone who worked on the campaign and everyone who voted UCP, future Alberta premier Jason Kenney took a moment during his victory speech to give a special thank …
Corporate donations motivate name change to “The Notre D’Amazon Cathedral”
PARIS – Following the tragic fire which destroyed large portions of Paris’ famed Notre Dame Cathedral, a flood of corporate charity to fund the repairs has led to a rebranding of the landma…
Jason Kenney has already run over 3 endangered species in blue pickup truck to show he’s serious about the economy
EDMONTON – Fresh from his landslide win in Alberta’s provincial election, soon-to-be Premier Jason Kenney has already shown that he’s serious about rebuilding the economy by running down th…
Alberta elects its first assistant trailer park supervisor as Premier
EDMONTON – The people of Alberta have elected Randy, an assistant trailer park supervisor from Nova Scotia, as their Premier for the next four years. With a majority of the seats the UCP is…
HGTV greenlights dream renoviction show
TORONTO, ON- Inspired by the hot renoviction trend in major cities across the nation where tenants are ousted from their apartments under the pretext of improvements, network executives for Home …
