Canadian man spends entire summer inventing excuses for why he can’t go camping
Stratford, ON – Local man Eric Morgenstern will once again be spending his summer thinking of reasons why he can’t join friends on their upcoming camping trips. “Life would be s…
Nine percent rise in gas prices forces CEO to triple own salary
Irving, Texas – CEOs from oil and gas companies are suffering just like the rest of us, so much so that in light of rising inflation and “other stuff,” they’ve been forced to triple their y…
Boyfriend blissfully unaware of how often partner weeps at his imaginary funeral
WINNIPEG – Local Jared Marshall lives a peaceful life in Manitoba; working by day, relaxing by night, all the while unaware that behind closed doors his partner weeps at the idea of his ima…
“I’m actually a mixologist,” says bartender about to charge you $27.50 for a gin and tonic
CALGARY – A bartender at a cocktail joint called the Top Hat is about to charge you an exorbitant sum for a two-ingredient drink, according to tipsy sources who are feeling ripped off. “So this …
Netflix announces final season of Stranger Things will consist of six 15-hour movies, released randomly over the next decade
LOS GATOS, CA – The streaming service Netflix has not only officially announced that the hit show Stranger Things will return for its fifth and final season, but that the season will be com…
Canada Day face paint includes footnote about not being one of those Convoy fucks
OTTAWA – Sean Rice, dressed in his usual July 1st garb of Canada flag boxers, Canada flag face-paint and a full Canadian flag worn as a cape, has had to take special precautions to prevent …
Pierre Poilievre marches in solidarity with brave part-time soldiers afraid of needles
OTTAWA – Demonstrating his support for vaccine choice, leading Conservative Party candidate Pierre Poilievre marched with a group of fired reservists who are afraid of needles. Poilievre pr…
Country fails to see the symbolism in taking down pride flags on Canada Day
OTTAWA – The first day of July, also known as Canada Day, is a holiday Canadians spend going to the beach, setting off fireworks, and taking down pride flags nationwide. The federal government ma…
US Supreme Court rules Environmental Protection Agency’s powers do not extend to protecting environment
WASHINGTON — The US Supreme Court has struck down the Environmental Protection Agency’s (EPA) ability to limit greenhouse pollution from power plants, arguing that protecting the environment does…
Ontario allows landlords a record rent hike to deal with the inflation that only affects them and not tenants
TORONTO – Ontario has doubled the maximum rate a landlord can raise a tenant’s rent next year in order to help them cope with the cost of living increases that affect them and not the peopl…
