Five tips to avoid prematurely releasing your referendum announcement
You aren’t alone. It happens to every majority government. One minute, you’re engaged in a lively debate at a bipartisan committee meeting. The next thing you know, the press release you already …
New parents celebrate beginning of 18-year, $300,000 failed investment
Elora, ON ― First-time parents Felicity and Ivan Jennings welcomed an enormous waste of time, money, and effort into the world yesterday, which they refer to as their “son,” or Jody. Friends of t…
Decades of loyalty points collecting finally yields $5 discount
OTTAWA – History was made last Saturday when a customer’s quarter-century of dutiful loyalty card usage finally generated a bountiful return, a $5 discount. The dedicated shopper, T…
Robert K. Irving dies, to be buried in the Great Moncton Pyramid
MONCTON, NB – Following the passing of Robert K. Irving, the Irving family has announced that he shall be buried in New Brunswick’s tallest non-smokestack structure, the Great Moncton Pyram…
Alberta separatists vow to appeal petition denial as soon as US State Department tells them how
EDMONTON – Stay Free Alberta, the group behind the 300,000 person effort for Alberta Independence, have vowed to legally appeal a judge’s ruling striking down the validity of their pe…
Carney clarifies “Buy Canadian” also means public assets
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced that “Buy Canadian” policies now means Canadians can now support the country’s economy by purchasing local public assets like ports, airpor…
Carney announces environment to be eliminated as cost-cutting measure
EDMONTON – In addition to his announcement lowering industrial carbon pricing specifically just for Alberta, Prime Minister Mark Carney has unveiled a plan to eliminate all of Canada’…
Local woman looking forward to 23 days between harsh winter and uncontrollable wildfires
GRAND PRAIRIE – With spring finally underway, 34-year-old resident Inna Bondaruk reports she is looking forward to enjoying the approximately 23 days of tolerable weather between the end of…
The Beaverton interviews an Alberta Separatist
Albertan separatists say they have the signatures necessary to force a referendum on the issue. We sat down with Keith Greengrass, a prominent advocate for an independent Alberta, to understand m…
Tech Bro loserdom forces nation to yearn for Finance Bros
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Admitting they “never thought it would come to this,” a rigorous poll of every American confirmed that the sustained humiliation of living under tech bro dominance has f…
