All I did was imply we should kill all liberals, and the left’s outrage machine is at it again

By NRA spokeswoman Dana Loesch Geez, here we go again. In classic fashion, all I do is near-explicitly call for violence against half of the country and now all the little leftist snowflakes are …

Local man enjoying summer romance with single pair of board shorts

Brampton, ON — According to sources, local man Dustin Rassmore is in the throes of a summer-long romance with his sole pair of summer bottoms, a pair of turquoise Hurley board shorts. 25-year-old…

Nihilistic anti-abortion advocate believes life ends at conception

EDMONTON – The head of an emerging group of nihilistic anti-abortion activists has begun lobbying the government to outlaw abortions on the philosophy that we are all dead the second we are conce…

Trump warns Mueller to stay away from Swiss bank account number 1176209

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A fiery Donald Trump has demanded that special investigator Robert Mueller not investigate any of his family’s financial deals, particularly the fraudulent ones involving…

Conservative Party charters large bus for their Omar Khadr Outrage US Tour 2017

OMAHA, NE – A group of Conservative MPs have rented a charter bus to deliver their rhetorical performances to TV stations, newspapers, town halls, and anyone else willing to listen as part …

How To: Win Big At The Casino

  The house doesn’t always win.…

Insurance companies denying claims due to deterministic nature of universe

Chicago, IL – American health insurers have begun classifying all medical claims as pre-existing conditions and refusing to offer settlements because of the clockwork nature of the physical…

Want to feel old? The cast of ‘Student Bodies’ told us they think you’re very old

Every Canadian 90’s kid remembers Student Bodies, that sometimes-corny but oh-so-watchable high school sitcom. But whatever happened to the stars of the show? Well, get ready to feel old, b…

Sensing weakness, Loyalists plan recapture of New Hampshire

Kingston, ON – Seeking to exploit the political unrest and economic downtown in the United States of America, loyalists to the British Empire, who were driven to Canada after their defeat i…

Sports Unillustrated: Episode 113

Beaverton writers Cathryn Naiker and Dave Barclay are sports experts. Sort of. Well, they’re working on it. Join them as they discuss all the biggest stories, plus a lot of talk about the r…