Woman who refused toothpick, really “going for it” with fingernail
VICTORIA, BC — In a tense moment at the dinner table Jessica Trevors declined a toothpick and has taken to fully using her fingernail to get “whatever it is” out of her teeth. “I thought ma…
Monthly book club leader Karen announces that they will just read The Secret over and over again
BARRIE, ON – Members of the Snow Valley Very Dignified Book Collective were in crisis last Saturday when their leader Karen Pasternack announced that they would continue to read Rhonda Byrn…
North Korean leader blushes at number of standing ovations in Ontario Legislature
PYONGYANG – North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un was reportedly blushing after watching so many standing ovations for Premier Doug Ford by the Ontario PC caucus during Question Period. After a b…
Doctors warn this year’s flu vaccine may contain high levels of immunity
GENEVA – After getting preliminary test results, the World Health Organization is warning the public that getting this year’s flu vaccine may put you at risk of not contracting the often de…
Alberta looking for loving billionaire parents to adopt province’s 2000 orphan oil wells
EDMONTON – The government of Alberta is putting out a call today to find billionaires willing to take on the responsibility of caring for the province’s 2000 orphaned oil and gas wells aban…
Tony Clement releases shirtless apology video
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
Jason Kenney claims he has ‘evolved’ from an anti-LGBTQ politician to one who doesn’t admit it while being recorded
CALGARY – After a recording released this week revealed that, in 2000, UCP leader Jason Kenney took strong positions against gay marriage and gay adoption, Kenny is defending himself by poi…
Trudeau seen wearing traditional western suit and tie
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was spotted arriving at a recent session of parliament wearing a tailored suit, Oxford shirt and traditional necktie in an apparent nod to the ceremon…
Republicans confirm stance that life begins at conception and ends when your health insurance expires
WASHINGTON – The Republican party sent out a press release earlier today confirming their long-held stance that the boundaries of human life begin at conception and end at the exact moment …
Military budget cuts force soldier to play Last Post on recorder
EDMONTON – Budget cuts to the Royal Canadian Artillery Band has forced one of its musicians to perform the Last Post using a recorder commandeered from a grade 3 class. All instruments from…
