Couples pregnancy app carefully dumbs down information sent to father
BRANDON, MB – A new pregnancy-monitoring app, 9months, has gained popularity thanks to its carefully-analyzed gestational data which is shared with expectant mothers and completely withheld…
WEATHER REPORT: Get ready for a wet ass February
Toronto/Vancouver/Winnipeg/Montreal/Ottawa/etc. – It’s official: We’re in for one wet ass February, fuckers. According to February experts, the shortest month of the calendar will also be the we…
Blue Jays to honour the moment Joe Carter chose a Rogers phone plan
TORONTO – The Toronto Blue Jays have announced plans to honour franchise legend Joe Carter with a statue depicting the iconic moment when Carter locked in a 100 GB mobile plan for himself and up …
Experts warn new film about divorced man doing stand-up may lead to more divorced men doing stand-up
MONTREAL – Experts are sounding alarms about the new film Is This Thing On, starring Will Arnett, warning how its depiction of a newly divorced man doing stand-up comedy to process his failed mar…
Report: Even Grok grossed out by how much Elon Musk is in Epstein Files
PALO ALTO, CA – The generative artificial intelligence Grok, which recently made headlines for creating user-directed underage pornography, has expressed “profound uneasiness” a…
Conservative party of Canada votes to axe the tax, build the homes, lose all the future elections
CALGARY – With over 87% of the Conservative Party of Canada voting to keep Pierre Poilievre as their leader at the 2026 Conservative Convention, Poilievre triumphantly announced that by rea…
Nation could really use Catherine O’Hara to deal with passing of Catherine O’Hara
OTTAWA – Following the passing of screen and comedy legend Catherine O’Hara, nationwide reports indicate that the only thing Canadians could use to cheer them up from their grief is C…
Judge dismisses death penalty for Luigi Mangione citing “Too Sexy To Die” precedent
NEW YORK – A judge has ruled that U.S. Federal prosecutors cannot request the death penalty against Luigi Mangione in the killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, citing the defendan…
Press blackout allows Ontario PCs to finally have all-nude convention
TORONTO – The decision to ban journalists and photographers from their policy convention this weekend has allowed Doug Ford’s governing PC Party of Ontario to celebrate naturism between friends a…
Linguists stumped by decline in Winnipeg residents calling themselves ‘Peggers
WINNIPEG, MB—Language experts are struggling to explain a sharp decline in Winnipeggers describing themselves with the whimsical short form, ‘Peggers. A recent study finds that the once-common te…
