Guys who get punched in the head for a living worried about Trump’s cognitive state
WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the White House hosts an Ultimate Fighting Championship event on its South Lawn, several competitors who are paid to issue and receive concussions expressed concern ab…
Carney announces plan to privatize airports but still give them half a billion dollars once in a while
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced a funding model which would see Canada’s federally-owned and operated airports become 100% privately owned, but still get half a billion do…
WORLD CUP: Canada ties with Bosnia-Herzegovina, reignites WWI
TORONTO – Canada’s 1-1 World Cup tie with Bosnia-Herzegovina has officially reignited World War One, forcing Canadians to rejoin the Allied forces. Canada’s inability to defeat …
Carney bans social media for kids too dumb to figure out VPNs
“There’s no way a 15 year old who has been online for his entire life knows about those is there?” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and special guest John Batt of @canada.gov.c…
New Brunswick opens Stargate at border for quicker access to PEI
Edmunston, NB – New Brunswick Premier Susan Holt says newly discovered alien teleportation technology is ending the province’s reputation as a place to just drive through on the way to othe…
Poilievre campaigns on a united Canada: “Please don’t make me find yet another riding”
CALGARY – Speaking to a crowd of supporters, Pierre Poilievre urged Albertans to vote to stay part of Canada, partly for national unity, and mostly because he doesn’t want to have to …
Quebec language laws now require all 2026 hurricanes to be named “Jean-Pierre”
QUEBEC – A new language law will require Quebecois meteorologists to stop using the annual list of Atlantic hurricane names generated by the US National Hurricane Center, and instead refer …
Carney assures Canadians that AI the fastest way to give all our money to US billionaires
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark has unveiled his new federal AI strategy, promising Canadians that artificial intelligence technology is the most advanced, efficient way to surrender all of ou…
Everything Canadian that Albertans will be able to keep after separating, according to Alberta Separatists
Albertan separatists insist that leaving Canada won’t exclude them from keeping some residual benefits of being Canadian. Here is the list they propose: 1. passports 2. currency 3. smugness…
FIFA forbids Canadian fans from bringing water inside own bodies into World Cup matches
TORONTO – A last minute rule change by FIFA means World Cup fans will no longer be able to bring the moisture inside their own bodies into host stadiums for the tournament. The latest FIFA …
