Canada’s nerds demand state funeral for Montreal-born voice of Optimus Prime
OTTAWA – Following news of the passing of Montreal-born actor Peter Cullen, best known as the voice of Optimus Prime, nerds across Canada are demanding Ottawa hold a state funeral for the l…
Carney to rename rest of Great Lakes as “Lake Legal Adult” so Trump will never want to touch them
OTTAWA – After Donald Trump signed an executive order renaming Lake Ontario “Lake America,” Prime Minister Mark Carney announced he would preemptively rename the rest of the Great Lakes as …
Mitch McConnell speaks out about Canada bourbon ban with help of ventriloquist aide
WASHINGTON D.C. – Nearly 3 months after being hospitalized and retreating from public, Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY) has broken his silence regarding Canadian bans on Kentucky bourbon with…
Report: Tim Curry’s death to be investigated by suspicious group of eccentrics gathering at his house
LOS ANGELES – Following the death of beloved 80-year-old British actor Tim Curry, observers have noted a coterie of anonymous upper crust suspects arriving at his mansion in order to invest…
Polyamorous vegan baristas and conservative uncles unite in memory of Dolly Parton
DOLLYWOOD – Following the passing of beloved country music icon and humanitarian Dolly Parton, millions of tattooed urban progressive cyclists have joined in profound mourning alongside ope…
BREAKING: Doug Ford challenges Donald Trump to a corruption fight in the school parking lot
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario’s premier has officially challenged the President of the United States to a corruption fight in a parking lot behind a local Etobicoke high school. After two days of …
Trump threatens to inflict as much economic damage on Iran as he has on America
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After six months of military humiliation in his war with Iran Donald Trump has declared a new plan to damage the Iranian economy as viciously as he has the American econo…
Report: Trump admin demanded Canada execute Bonhomme
OTTAWA – Reports from the Canada-U.S. trade talks indicates that the Trump Administration made a last-minute demand for the public execution of beloved Québécois celebrity Bonhomme Carnaval…
Canadians chip in to buy Jamil Jivani a one-way ticket to United States
OTTAWA – Following public comments in which Conservative MP Jamil Jivani blamed Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney for failed trade talks with U.S. President Donald Trump, Canadians across…
Tariff talks that you assumed already collapsed collapse
OTTAWA — Minutes before President Trump’s midnight deadline, tariff talks between Canada and the United States that you assumed failed weeks ago failed. Prime Minister Carney addressed the nation…
