Greenbelt developers invite Ford to 4am “No Hard Feelings!” party at the docks
QUEEN’S PARK – Following the surprise announcement that he will return all recently released lands back to the Greenbelt, Premier Doug Ford announced that the developers who purchased…
India issues advisory warning travellers against assassinating people in Canada
NEW DELHI – India has warned its citizens to exercise the “utmost caution” when attempting to covertly assassinate people in Canada. In a statement issued on its website, India’s Ministry o…
Anti-LGTBQ “Million March For Children” outnumbered by “Billion March For Not Being Bigots”
OTTAWA – As coordinated protests against LGTBQ2S+ rights in schools take place across Canada, dubbed the “Million March For Children”, these marches are being dwarfed by a large…
Grocers eager to stabilize prices at 500% of pre-pandemic values
OTTAWA, ON― Representatives for Loblaw, Metro, and Empire have responded with enthusiasm to Justin Trudeau’s recent ultimatum requiring them to curb inflation, which is now running at 4%. “We wan…
Meeting on grocery prices stalls as CEOs send Trudeau to self-serve negotiator
OTTAWA – A meeting convened with Canada’s top grocery CEOs to discuss soaring prices stalled this week, as the executives directed Trudeau to conduct his own discussion with their automated…
Film with predominantly Asian cast doesn’t feature Awkwafina
LOS ANGELES – Hollywood was abuzz today after it was revealed that the cast of an as-yet untitled Dreamworks feature about the personalities and goings-on in an Asian American community wil…
Toxic Actions of Toxic Coach of Toxic Sport in Toxic League exposed by Toxic Host of Toxic Podcast on Toxic Website
COLUMBUS – Sports media was buzzing yesterday as Mike Babock, who has a reputation for doing incredibly toxic things in his role as a hockey coach, resigned following allegations of more pr…
Scientists determined to find what’s killing all the bees so it can be used to kill all the wasps
OTTAWA – Conservation experts and entomologists across the globe have announced they will be putting more effort into determining the cause of bee population declines around the world, so i…
Google Watch gives up on recommending exercise, maps route to Arby’s
ETOBICOKE – Tired of trying to motivate its owner, a frustrated Google Pixel Watch has given up on displaying its many health-related apps and is now solely showing routes to the nearest ArbyR…
Singh announces that he also here
OTTAWA – This week NDP leader Jagmeet Singh called a press conference to announce that he is also a political leader that exists, and presumably has done so for a while. “During this …
