Alberta announces move to 1950s time
EDMONTON — After weeks of speculation, Alberta’s United Conservative government has announced that the province will be moving to the 1950s on a full-time basis. “Many Albertans just aren’t comfo…
The Beaverton will buy Doug Ford’s used private jet for $7,000.00
TORONTO – In a special offer The Beaverton has graciously offered to let Doug Ford escape from his embarrassing ‘I bought myself a private jet with taxpayer money’ scandal this …
Financial planner operating on strange assumption Gen Z client will have society to retire into
STRATFORD, ON ― Local financial planner George Fitzgerald had his first meeting yesterday with a new client, nineteen-year-old Ahmed Hassan, during which he repeatedly assumed the unorthodox prem…
Trump announces final Kennedy Centre show will be to host AVN Awards
WASHINGTON D.C. – In his efforts to remake the U.S. national centre for the performing arts in his own image, President Donald Trump has revealed that the Kennedy Center’s final production before…
Humble Premier buys private jet second-hand
QUEEN’S PARK – Salt-of-the-earth Ontarian Premier Doug Ford acknowledged that the province had made the ultimate sacrifice of getting him a used private jet for the discounted price o…
Liberal tent now encompasses any political beliefs anyone has ever, or will ever, have
“If you have ever thought anything about anything, you have a place in the Liberal Party.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) talk about the Liberals…
Local man sent for psych evaluation after saying he enjoys sports without gambling
WINNIPEG – Local crisis workers have sent 32-year-old Ronald Alexander to Victoria General Hospital for psychological tests following disturbing reports that he has “never put money down on a sin…
American soldiers equipped with silencers to avoid waking sleeping stock market
WASHINGTON, DC – As rising tensions in the Persian Gulf bring renewed fears of rising oil prices, US Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth has reassured the nation that all US soldiers deployed…
JD Vance wondering if he’s proved his loyalty enough to be allowed to have sex with Oval Office couch
WASHINGTON D.C. – After completing several high profile missions on behalf of President Donald J. Trump, Vice President JD Vance has begun working up the courage to ask if he can finally be given…
Pope Leo says “L + ratio” to Trump on X is what Jesus would have done
Vatican City – During his online arguments with US president Trump, Pope Leo XIV was able to ratio the president on X, getting more likes than the President’s original post and handing Trum…
