GANDER, NFLD – Controversial U.S. Ambassador Pete Hoekstra’s announcement that he will head to Newfoundland as part of the delegation commemorating the 25th anniversary of 9/11 has inspired a sequel to the hit broadway musical “Come from Away” about his reception.
While “Come from Away” has become an international sensation recounting the welcome stranded Americans received in Newfoundland on 9/11, locals promise this Hoekstra-focused sequel will be “some different, bud”.
The sequel, “Tits on a Nun” will tell the story of Hoekstra, and the procession of insults and physical beatings lobbed at him by the locals. Songs already written include “Nan’s Specialest Boy”, about Hoekstra and his oblivious team preparing for the trip, “Are You Stunned as Me Arse?” about his interaction with local schoolchildren, “I’ll Teach Ya to Pour Piss Out a Boot, You Slapped Asshole in a Suit” where the Ambassador visits a senior citizens centre, and “The Bleedin’ Fuck You Will” wherein Hoekstra asks to take part in a flag-raising ceremony.
While the original musical was famously an ensemble piece, the sequel is imagined as a character story focused on, and in many cases targetting, the Ambassador. It includes the same Celtic influence with pieces like the upbeat “We Fucking Hate You, But We Hate Your Boss More!”, but also quieter songs like the power ballad “(If Your Face Caught Fire) I’d Put it Out with Gasoline” and the love song “Juice Arse.”
When asked if he planned to see the musical, Hoekstra answered through an aide, “Generally I don’t care for Canadian things,” before adding, “Fuck Terry Fox.”
The musical’s creators are said to be workshopping a finale for the sequel where Hoekstra is stripped “buck arse naked” and members of the community take turns shoving their letters of commendation from the U.S. Government up his ass. It is unclear at press time whether they meant the actor playing the Ambassador.
