Corporate Santa gives children annual performance reports
TORONTO – Millions of children across the globe woke up early to open their annual Christmas performance reports from Corporate Santa. Anxious youngsters, both naughty and nice, were judged…
Quaint English village fails to meet its mysterious murder quota for the year
ABBERSHIRE, UK – Residents of the quiet, picturesque village of Abbershire have found themselves approaching the New Year in shame and disappointment after it was announced that they had failed t…
Hung stocking absolutely stuffed
NORTH OF MY POLE – Oh dear God in Heaven above, early reports state that the Anderson family stockings are not only hung, but absolutely fucking stuffed. Little naughty sources say that the…
Saskatchewan school Christmas pageant replaces Baby Jesus with barrel of crude
OXBOW, SK – Reaffirming the community’s commitment to the oil and gas industry, a local Saskatchewan elementary school is reframing the story of Christmas into the miracle of Canada’s oil a…
Do you want a relationship or did you leave the Hallmark channel on all weekend?
The holidays can be a tricky time for single women who thought life had meaning without a romantic relationship. As you find yourself hunkering down on the couch recovering from the high stress o…
“Spread cheer at Christmas!” tweets woman who just threw defective holiday candle at 16-year-old cashier
TORONTO – Yesterday afternoon, Sandra Johnson, a mother of three with an active social media presence, tweeted the heart-warming sentiment “Spread cheer at Christmas!” to her followers, just five…
Vibranium stocks tumble as U.S. raises tariffs on Wakanda
NEW YORK – Vibranium stocks and vibranium-rich mutual funds took a nosedive this morning as the United States announced a new series of tariffs on the tiny East African nation of Wakanda. T…
Millennial Christmas party evacuated as guests run out of TV shows to talk about
TORONTO — Guests at a holiday party hosted by millennial couple Elaine Royce and Andray Parker were evacuated by first responders as their guests realized they had run out of TV series to m…
Venetian flood eases traffic
VENICE, ITALY — A record-breaking number of floods in Venice, Italy has significantly eased traffic congestion by opening a number of options for commuters to get to work. “It’s so convenie…
Office holiday party finally gives co-workers chance to spend more time together
Markham, ON – a local office’s annual holiday party has given employees exactly what they’ve always wanted: the chance to spend more time surrounded by their co-workers. “Oh man finally,” s…
