Person who took empty seat next to you on plane at last minute definitely a sociopath
TORONTO – According to damning and indisputable evidence, the son of a bitch who waited until just before departure to sit in the empty seat next to you on the plane is almost certainly an …
Louis CK locks door of Comedy Cellar, tells audience, “This will only take 7-10 minutes”
NEW YORK CITY – Audience members at New York’s famed Comedy Cellar reported that last night disgraced comedian Louis CK locked them in the room to watch him, insisting, “I promise it …
Conservatives reassure voters that citizenship begins at conception
HALIFAX — Following the its biannual convention, the Conservative Party of Canada has reassured voters of its official position that citizenship will be granted at the exact moment a baby is conc…
Fans worry The Big Bang Theory will end without revealing which nerd is the horniest
HOLLYWOOD – Ever since last week’s announcement that the upcoming 12th season of The Big Bang Theory would be the show’s last, fans have been expressing concern that the show would never re…
Canada doesn’t care about being left out of NAFTA talks, has cooler, more fun trade negotiation to go to anyway
OTTAWA – Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland issued an official statement today that Canada is in no way threatened by the successful bilateral negotiations between the US and Mexico…
Today: Ford government launches Buck-a-Beer mental health strategy
TORONTO – The Ontario government has launched its bold new mental health strategy called the Buck-a-Beer initiative, which is expected to replace the existing mental health system. Starting…
US Walmarts offering back to school savings on bulletproof vests, petitions to Congress, other essentials
DALLAS – With the arrival of school year for US students across the country, Walmart is offering deals on many essential items from tactical vests and kevlar binders to prayer books and pet…
When watching football, how am I supposed to explain to my son what a Seahawk is?
Editorial By Grant Stone, football loving father Like a lot of people, there’s nothing I like better on a Sunday afternoon than watching some NFL in my old armchair, with a cool beer in my hand. …
BREAKING: Packed Shoppers Drug Mart refuses to bring out another cashier
BRAMALEA, ON — In a scene described by onlookers as “the usual”, a bustling Shoppers Drug Mart refused to bring out a cashier during peak shopping hours. A single cashier, Peggy…
Toronto Sun hires eugenics expert to write new dating column
TORONTO – As part of their agenda to fight against the erosion of traditional Canadian values, The Toronto Sun announced today that they will be hiring a world-renowned eugenicist to write …