WASHINGTON D.C. – GOP lawmakers are chastizing their Democratic colleagues, as well as members of the media, for inquiring about the 6 week disappearance of Sen. Mitch McConnell, insisting the lawmaker “has never been healthier” after being stuffed and mounted.
“How dare the fake news and the lying Democrats insist that the honorable Sen. McConnell is not able to carry out his duties,” insisted Senate Majority Leader John Thune (R-SD). “I just had a 20 minute phone call with the senator where his doctors informed me that the taxidermy process was a complete success. How else would we have gotten these great pictures?”
To further prove their case, GOP lawmakers insisted the 84-year-old lawmaker would continue hiding from public view “because the taxidermy went so well”. McConnell is expected to return to the Senate whenever the clock runs out on his Senate seat being replaced, or the giant marionette strings arrive from Austria.
In a related story, the body of Sen Lindsey Graham (R-SC) has been turned into a decorative area rug and placed prominently inside President Trump’s Oval Office.
