“You don’t have to like, make a whole thing about it,” said May to Scheer. “You can just read the room and then walk away with your dignity intact.”
“It doesn’t even take very long! Just one quick phone call and, boom, you’re no longer holding your party back from any chance of forming government,” she added.
Sources say May felt the need to call Scheer after observing his behaviour since the election, in which it has appeared that he genuinely does not know he could just resign, rather than continually be humiliated by anonymous leaks telling the press what a terrible leader he was, and public comments from rivals equating him to the world’s worst hockey player.
“You’ll feel so free once it’s over Andrew. So free. Hush now. Hush. Shhhhhh. It’s okay. I’m here,” said May as audible sobs could be heard on the other end of the line.
At press time Andrew Scheer was pretty sure that if he stays on and doesn’t change a thing, everything would be fine.