WASHINGTON D.C. – President Donald J. Trump has pledged to extract terrible, systematic revenge on all of Canada for daring to enter talks with the European Union, just as soon as he finish…
US Trade War
Trump says Canada having more friends is bullying
WASHINGTON, D.C. – United States President Donald Trump has blasted Canada’s recent proposed alliance up to the European Union, insisting the new partnership is tantamount to picking on him…
Counter-Tariffs take effect as Canadians brace for life without American truck nutz
OTTAWA – With anti-American counter-tariffs taking effect as of September 8th, Canadians will be forced to make due without easy market access to their most-purchased American products, nam…
Canada confirms defence strategy against invasion mainly waiting for Americans to die from preventable illnesses
OTTAWA – Last weekend, Canada’s Ministry of National Defence confirmed their main strategy to fend off a potential invasion from the United States is to wait for American forces to be…
Come from Away sequel will see Newfoundlanders put the friggin’ boots to Pete Hoekstra
GANDER, NFLD – Controversial U.S. Ambassador Pete Hoekstra’s announcement that he will head to Newfoundland as part of the delegation commemorating the 25th anniversary of 9/11 has inspired a seq…
Overconfident Carney vows to win 3 more U.S. midterm races after Liberal by-election sweep
OTTAWA – Following a clean sweep of last night’s 3 by-elections, Prime Minister Mark Carney immediately declared that his Liberal party would also pick up 3 additional seats in this N…
Google Maps changes name to Lake America after people start to forget tech giants also pretty awful
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – Google Maps has changed the name of Lake Ontario to “Lake America” for their U.S. users, after realizing President Trump’s willful malevolence had dist…
Carney to rename rest of Great Lakes as “Lake Legal Adult” so Trump will never want to touch them
OTTAWA – After Donald Trump signed an executive order renaming Lake Ontario “Lake America,” Prime Minister Mark Carney announced he would preemptively rename the rest of the Great Lakes as …
Mitch McConnell speaks out about Canada bourbon ban with help of ventriloquist aide
WASHINGTON D.C. – Nearly 3 months after being hospitalized and retreating from public, Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY) has broken his silence regarding Canadian bans on Kentucky bourbon with…
BREAKING: Doug Ford challenges Donald Trump to a corruption fight in the school parking lot
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario’s premier has officially challenged the President of the United States to a corruption fight in a parking lot behind a local Etobicoke high school. After two days of …
