EAST BAY, RI — Following his surprisingly successful performances on ABC’s Dancing with the stars, former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer’s blossoming career in show business collided with his father’s long-held expectation that he would go work in the mill like his brothers.
“Dancing is for people with money, people from the big city, like Rick Perry,” Spicer’s father told him through his son’s locked bedroom door. “Somebody like you ain’t never gonna make it big, doesn’t matter what that fancy dancing coach of yours or that fancy Sarah Huckabee Sanders woman told you!”
Spicer, who had managed to keep his passion for dance a secret by climbing down the drainpipe outside his bedroom window before hopping a bus into the city and performing in front of an estimated 8 million viewers, was reportedly devastated by his father’s disapproval.
“I only did it for you! So you’d see that your son isn’t just some Joe Blow who goes to work for Donald Trump and then has to slink home and get a union job in his hometown like some kind of Anthony Scaramucci,” he reportedly shouted.
“You’ll see! Everybody wants me to win but you!” Spicer shouted, referring to the time White House staff had furtively passed a crumpled hat around the office, contributing what money they could so that Spicer could afford a new dancing shoes.
“And the size of my audience has been incredible!” Spicer continued. “It’s the largest audience to ever witness a man dressed up as Woody from Toy Story–both in person and around the globe–period!” the former Press Secretary reportedly shouted, before tossing his shoes at the walls of his family’s modest but well-maintained home.
While the former Press Secretary’s confidence was briefly deflated, just as he was about to give up, his commitment to dancing was reignited when he found a lucky penny he’d picked up in the Rose Garden before screaming at April Ryan for looking at him funny.
At press time, although he couldn’t see him, Sean Spicer’s dad could be seen standing in the shadows at the back of the auditorium, watching his son dance, tears of pride rolling down his face.