OTTAWA – After years of waiting and billions of dollars spent, ambitious public transit projects are finally ready now that everyone is working remotely. Trains, buses, and subways across m…
Ottawa
Conservative Party announces this the best they could do
OTTAWA – In an announcement over Zoom from its headquarters, the Conservative Party of Canada revealed after a months-long campaign, that this, this, is the best the party has to offer. “Lo…
EDITORIAL: The WE scandal proves that charities fucking suck at doing crimes
By Kent Gutterman As a Canadian, the WE scandal is hugely embarrassing to me. But as a lifelong petty criminal who worships the craft of constructing the perfect grift, it’s fucking humiliating t…
Scheer remembers he lost the election
OTTAWA, ON – This week in the House of Commons Andrew Scheer rose to question Prime Minister Trudeau, however eyewitnesses report that he instead muttered “Oh God, I just remembered I lost …
SNC-Lavalin wins Ottawa LRT bid with a blank sheet of paper for proposal
OTTAWA – The City of Ottawa has confirmed SNC-Lavalin will construct Stage 3 of the Ottawa LRT after submitting a blank sheet of paper as a design. Despite lacking any details on trains, tr…
Report: Ottawa’s LRT designers inspired by Phoenix pay system
OTTAWA – Designers of Ottawa’s new light rail transit line were reportedly inspired by the Canada’s dysfunctional pay system for federal public servants. Documents indicate the French rail …
Senate costs rise by a third, productivity stays steady at zero
OTTAWA — After it was revealed that Trudeau’s reforms to the Senate had increased the budget by one third, the government has assured Canadians that the increase in no way made the bo…
OC Transpo bus brought out of retirement ‘getting too old for this shit’
OTTAWA – Remarking with a heavy sigh, an aging OC Transpo bus that was called up from an impending retirement due to the LRT’s failings is “getting too old for this shit.” For 27 years, the…
Voters send clear message of “ugh, fine, Trudeau again, I guess”
OTTAWA – Exercising their democratic rights, voters across Canada today sent a clear, unambiguous message to Ottawa of, “sure, whatever, Trudeau, I guess.” Adding “He’s fine. I mean, he’s n…
OC Transpo recommends Ottawa commuters leave for work a week earlier
OTTAWA – Ottawa’s public transit service is advising that area commuters should arrive at any bus or LRT stop a week in advance as a precaution to avoid being late for work. “We are still m…