Local Man aghast Popeyes doesn’t serve spinach
EDMONTON, AB – Hoping to emulate the healthy diet of the classic cartoon character, local man, Howard Morovitz, 38, attempted to order spinach at restaurant chain Popeyes, and was appalled …
Local man keeping New Year’s resolutions secret like he is some kind of fucking spy or something
CALGARY – Local man Gary Delaney is refusing to tell anyone what his New Year’s resolutions are, because apparently he thinks he is a top secret government official who must protect his clo…
RCMP spying on journalists?
Donavon VS the RCMP.…
Minister for Jazz says it’s about the policies he’s not enacting
OTTAWA – Under fire for perceived laziness and seemingly random governance, MP Louis Billings has been forced to publicly defend his appointment as the head of the highest jazz regulatory b…
Local man unaware that NHL team cannot hear him through TV
Prince George, BC – Local man Ed Doherty has coached an entire NHL hockey game seemingly unaware that the Vancouver Canucks players, coaches or referees cannot hear him. The 54-year-old beg…
Lame firetruck barely on fire
LITTLE BAY, ON – For something that purports to be a truck of flame, one local engine can scarcely be said to be burning at all. “This is bullshit,” said local man Dave Menenzes. “You hear …
CBC purchases $1.2 million helicopter to cover more feel-good Syrian refugee stories
TORONTO – The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation has announced the recent purchase of a $1.2 million Bell 206 helicopter to meet the public’s demand for heartwarming stories about Syrian ref…
Honest Ed’s condo developer promises to maintain character of community with even worse puns
TORONTO – Honest Ed’s, the Toronto discount shopping institution, will shut its doors today after 68 years. As the neighbourhood mourns its loss, the builders responsible for the redevelopm…
Canadian Man Responds To Mean Tweets: BeavFeed
Online bullying has got to stop!…
Back-up toque promoted to first string following loss of star toque
MONTREAL — Formerly a fourth string benchwarmer in Steve’s winter hat roster, a plain black toque has been bumped up to starting player following the loss of a beloved red beanie. The black toque…
