Am I the only one currently rubbing cocoa butter on myself while listening to “Careless Whisper?”

By: CHRISTINE NEWMAN

At first, staying in on Saturday night seemed like a boring time, a classic party for one. But to my surprise, after having a bath I ended up rubbing on myself while listening to ’s Careless Whisper.

And having the time of my life. Why am I the only one doing this?

Sure, some people prefer other songs or days of the week or different types of oil, but frankly they’re missing out. As soon as that saxophone solo hit I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and thought, ‘Wow, have I ever been so shiny?’

And when George Michael’s smooth voice sang ‘Guilty feet, have got no rhythm’ I started to sing, and dance, and twirl towards the most freedom I have felt in years.

I still can’t figure it out. Why am I the only one in the whole world currently rubbing tub after tub of cocoa butter on myself while listening to Careless Whisper on repeat?

Of all the 7 billion people and 7 billion Saturday nights in the world tonight, zero of you are doing this right now!? It saddens me. If people knew this kind of joy, maybe we wouldn’t be so afraid of being alone.

Either way, it is Saturday night, I’m not going anywhere, and me and my newfound freedom are totally okay with that.

So I’m having a second bubble bath, putting the showerhead on full blast and getting ready to lather, rinse, and reeeepeat.

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