MONTREAL — Disaster struck Monday when the sound of a stainless steel water bottle dropped on to a concrete floor ruptured the eardrums of everyone within the downtown core. The deafening e…
News in Brief
Report: Smug hotshot too good to climb stairs one step at a time
WINDSOR, ON – Early reports indicate that some pompous prick is far too good to walk up a set of stairs one step at a time like the rest of us. Nathaniel Smeeton, a conceited university stu…
Government experimenting with universal basic as fuck income program
OTTAWA – Rolling-out a series of pilot projects across the nation, the federal government announced Friday that it is examining the effects of handing out free yoga pants, Starbucks cards, …
Call-out culture called-out for all-out call-out fall-out
SIOUX LOOKOUT, ON – In an effort to bring reasoned debate to social media, call-out culture is being called-out for being akin to an online brawl or bout, as people point-out thing that onl…
Sending of thoughts and prayers delayed by porn
DEER LAKE, AB – Coming to light several weeks after the incident, local man Jared Nelson, admits that his sending of thoughts and prayers over social media, to express heartfelt regret ov…
BREAKING: Man remembers why he went into that room
QUEBEC CITY- After blankly standing around for several moments, late breaking reports indicate that local man John Grigio finally remembers why he went into this room. “He was just standing in fr…
Grindr update: Headless torso seeks head
VANCOUVER – Local gay hook-up app user h0rse_huñg, whose Grindr profile image features only a naked, headless torso, is reportedly seeking head. While experts speculate that the user may be…
Hugh Hefner’s ashes interred within shoebox at back of your dad’s sock drawer
LOS ANGELES – With the passing of Hugh Hefner this week, the estate announced today that the final earthly remains of the Playboy founder and cultural icon will be cremated and then interre…
Local man frozen in time after accidentally sexting mom
WELLINGTON, ON – After pressing send and immediately seizing in shock, local landscaper, Richard Blendell, 31, was found last Tuesday in his apartment, suspended in time and space having ac…
Toronto Raptors looking to compete for title of fourth or fifth best team in NBA
TORONTO – With the upcoming NBA season rapidly approaching, there is an air of excitement in Toronto as Raptors fans see their teaming having a real shot to do the unthinkable and finally w…
