TORONTO – Some residents of Toronto disappointed with a lacklustre performance in the number of coronavirus cases came out to give their city a boost at Trinity Bellwoods Park. “We want Tor…
News in Brief
Peter MacKay deletes tweet praising “military victory” during Oka Crisis
OTTAWA – Conservative Party leadership candidate Peter MacKay hastily deleted another tweet which praised Canada’s heroic “military victory” at Oka, Quebec in 1990. “Our brave boys sacrific…
Desperate nation pining for US celebrity’s attention denies it’s boring
CANADA – Citizens from a nation always seeking US approval are expressing outrage that a washed-up pop singer from the 1980s called the country “boring.” “How dare she call us dull,” said M…
Introspective carpenter finds her shelf
KELOWNA, BC – Local carpenter Marybeth Dinh, 35, who left her accounting job in Vancouver to escape from the rat race into the picturesque BC interior, announced to friends and family via e…
Pizza Pizza phases out pizza for 100% crusts
TORONTO – Pizza Pizza Ltd has announced that it will no longer be serving traditional pizzas, instead opting for what it is known best known for: crusts. “Instead of the traditional 75% dou…
Alien civilization blocks humanity after receiving unsolicited nudes
DEEP SPACE – Immediately regretting opening the strange message attached to an oblong metallic object marked “PIONEER” found floating in space, a distant alien civilization blocked all of h…
Friend sends 68 consecutive texts for 6 word message
SASKATOON – An avalanche of texts from Alisha Kostyshyn was sent to her friend today to convey the question “what are you up to tonight?” Clarissa Hamilton’s smart phone unnecessarily vibra…
Air show opens with sky acknowledgment
TORONTO – In a move that many are considering very progressive, this year’s air show began with a statement recognizing the traditional Indigenous keepers of the airspace where the show was…
Snake can’t believe she still fits into her skin from 10 years ago
NARCISSE, MB – A local red sided garter snake took to a grass field to brag about how she can still squeeze into her old skin, which she shed some ten years ago. “Oh my God! ” said the snak…