Local man optimistic his life will return to normal after being acquitted of bestiality on technicality
EDMONTON – After being acquitted of seven counts of unnatural acts with an animal due to a legal loophole, local horse enthusiast Dan Smith was confident about his prospects going forward. …
Anne of Green Gables VR too intense for average Canadian
VANCOUVER – In its quarterly earnings call with investors this week, EA Games announced that its new Anne of Green Gables VR experience will be indefinitely delayed because it has proven fa…
Courageous actors speak out against Harvey Weinstein now that he can’t affect their careers
HOLLYWOOD – Showing the fortitude the entertainment industry is known for, numerous actors have come forward to condemn accused sexual predator Harvey Weinstein now that he has no power to …
Quiz: Which Phoebe are you?
You’ve done an extensive personality profile and the results are undeniable – you’re a Phoebe. But which Phoebe are you? Take this quiz to satisfy your intense need for granular…
Siblings irate after father buys golden child a better criminal defense attorney
VANCOUVER – Facing the possibility of life sentences, siblings Lee and Elton Konig were furious to find out today that golden child, James Jr., was getting a better criminal defense attorne…
America terrified newly released O.J. Simpson will steal memorabilia again
L.A. – Americans from coast to coast are reporting a deep fear that infamous criminal Orenthal James (O.J.) Simpson will once again commit the deed for which he is most known: breaking into…
Mike Pence protests anthem protest with protest during anthem
INDIANAPOLIS — Citing his refusal to participate in any activity “that disrespects our soldiers, our Flag, or our National Anthem,” US Vice President voiced his displeasure with NFL players prote…
Grindr update: Headless torso seeks head
VANCOUVER – Local gay hook-up app user h0rse_huñg, whose Grindr profile image features only a naked, headless torso, is reportedly seeking head. While experts speculate that the user may be…
Local ignoramus hopeful the worst is over
Guelph, ON – Ralph Schelling, mortgage broker and certified dunce, was overheard on a local patio expressing cautious optimism to a friend that things may finally be getting better. “I mean…
Netflix raises prices to $11 a month, plus a solemn promise to give Iron Fist a chance
LOS GATOS, CA – Video streaming service Netflix is raising prices for American subscribers, meaning the standard tier will now cost $10.99 a month, and a formal oath to watch and attempt to…
