America terrified newly released O.J. Simpson will steal memorabilia again

L.A. – Americans from coast to coast are reporting a deep fear that infamous criminal Orenthal James (O.J.) Simpson will once again commit the deed for which he is most known: breaking into a hotel room to steal his own stuff back.

“How am I supposed to sleep knowing that at any moment, at any time, he could strike,” said local woman Yvette Elias. “I mean I have his signed rookie card.”

America has not seen a like this since 2008 when the country spent every day closely following the story of O.J. spending six minutes arguing with dealer Tom Riccio about why the O.J. jerseys in Riccio’s possession actually belonged to Simpson. The case turned when, in a stunning revelation, security camera footage captured O.J. doing pretty much everything he was accused of.

Now that he has been released on organizations dedicated to protecting people from sports based robberies have warned citizens to avoid Simpson. However his celebrity status may only endear him to future victims.

“If there is one thing the O.J. taught me it is that he will stop at nothing to acquire every piece of related paraphenalia he can get his hands on,” said Rufus Neumeier of the ‘Concerned Pawn Shop Owners Group’ (CPSOG).

“Also he for sure killed his wife.”

Breaking News! The second season of our television show premieres November 1st on Comedy! To join our studio audience for free, reserve your seats here!