VANCOUVER – In its quarterly earnings call with investors this week, EA Games announced that its new Anne of Green Gables VR experience will be indefinitely delayed because it has proven far too intense for the average Canadian.
After a closed preview session to Canadian gaming press, the company found that the visceral, hyper-real sensation of truly being present on the nineteenth century shores of Prince Edward Island plunged the average Canadian user into a state of nostalgic vertigo, followed by nausea, loss of balance, and wistful self-reflection.
“Our development team was so occupied with what we could achieve in this exciting new medium,” company president Frank Gibeau explained to investors, “that we didn’t stop to think if we should.”
“Perhaps accidentally getting your best bosom friend drunk on Marilla’s home-made wine, being innocently doted upon by quiet old Matthew, and getting lost in the dreamy eyes of that incorrigible Gilbert Blythe are sensations better left to the imagination.”
This was followed by three minutes of silence as Gibeau and the investors all imagined the soulful, dreamy gaze of Gilbert Blythe.
Somewhere on a windswept, autumnal beach.
It’s a moment out of time.
It lasts forever.
Just you, Gilbert, and the sea.