VANCOUVER – Facing the possibility of life sentences, siblings Lee and Elton Konig were furious to find out today that golden child, James Jr., was getting a better criminal defense attorney.
“In the end, I know Lee and I will still get away with murder,” said Elton, 22, entering his plea via text while driving. “But it’s a slap in the face knowing that Mr. Perfect could probably get away with something even worse. Like treason.”
The recent family feud is part of a greater pattern wherein infamous venture capitalist, James Konig Sr., has shown preferential treatment to his namesake by buying James Jr. a faster getaway car, flashier shell corporations, and offshore accounts on the “good” Cayman island.
“We all know those kids who never heard the word ‘no’ growing up,” said James Jr.’s former bribery accountant, Lila Cook. “Or the word ‘guilty.’ Or ‘consent.’ Or ‘human rights violation.’”
Though none of the Konig brothers have been convicted for their alleged involvement in designer dog fighting, boat arson, creatine powder price fixing, and various kinds of fraud, the elder Konigs insist that they are still victims of an unequal distribution of their boundless privilege.