VANCOUVER – It was last Saturday, a brisk afternoon on Main Street, just North of 5th Avenue. I was the person walking their wiener dog. You were the public urinator. When I saw you there, …
Relationship
Two-year pandemic officially longest relationship of woman’s life
Mississauga, ON – This week marks a major milestone in local woman Caitlyn Donahue’s life, as she celebrates two years of the COVID-19 pandemic – A.K.A. the longest relationship of her life. “I w…
Local fiancé insists that buying wedding rings in bulk is totally normal
CAMPBELLVILLE, ON ― Local man Tanner Kendall recently reassured his fiancée, Selena O’Neil, that he was buying his wedding rings in a 4-pack because it’s cheaper, and definitely not because he ha…
Top 2 things to do with your cat this Valentine’s day
Finding yourself alone yet again on Valentine’s day? With no one to share the special day with, except that cat you agreed to adopt when your roommate moved to Montreal? Not to worry, The Beavert…
Microwave vs Air Fryer: Which reheats sex toys better?
Listen, we all know the struggle. You’ve had a long day, and all you want is just to reheat something hot to fill you up inside for tonight. It used to be simple! Pop it in the microwave and acce…
Date night downgraded to hand stuff night
LETHBRIDGE – According to local sources, Alex and Taylor Shepherd’s plans for a date night have been scaled back to lethargic hand stuff in front of the TV. “I was going to treat Alex to dinner a…
Rhyming couplet seeks third
STRATFORD-UPON-AVON – Looking to spice up the poem they’re in, a rhyming couplet has posted an online classified that says “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall and had a great fall, but now we’re waiting…
6 Halloween couples costumes that say “We’re only dating for the couples costumes”
It’s been a rocky pandemic, and breaking up with your significant other who you’ve fallen out of love with, and moving out just seems like a big hassle this year. Not to mention, couples costumes…
Bored construction worker fantasizes about standing behind different politician during campaign rally
ST. CATHARINES – Local construction worker Peter Wagner, who’s wearing a hardhat and standing with a neutral expression at Liberal MP Randall Turner’s campaign rally, has admitted he’s having fan…
Inner thigh begins summer courtship with testicles
VANCOUVER — Onlookers at Cardero Park hoping to escape the record noon-day heat today were instead witness to something equally sweltering: watching intently as Kevin Shang’s left thigh solemnly …