LONDON, ON — A local man indistinguishable from any other man wants the woman he just met to know that she’s “not like other girls.” Adam Adamson, 29, discovered the “girl” in question last…
Relationship
Canada happy for friend who just got out of terrible relationship
OTTAWA – Canada is pleased as punch that its closest friend and neighbour is no longer in a long-term relationship with a real piece of shit. “It’s hard, when you see a powerful nation, one…
Straight couple seeks fun-loving girl for night of bickering and mediocre sex
NEWMARKET, ON – A local straight couple is seeking a “fun-loving girl” to join them for a night of relentless disagreements capped off with uninspired boinking. Kristy Walker, 24, and her boyfrie…
Man who refuses to go down on women hasn’t showered in 8 days
CALGARY – Local shower avoider Heath Gerry is adamant in his refusal to put his face near a woman’s genitalia despite being an eye watering risk to public health himself. “I just thin…
Study: “Dream cheating” revealed as number one cause of divorce among psychics
TORONTO – A new study conducted by the University of Toronto has found that the phenomenon known as “dream cheating” narrowly beat out heart line incompatibility and the unexpected presence of “T…
Disinterested cat leaves gift card for dead mouse in owners shoes
VANCOUVER – In a stark display of feline frigidity, local cat owner Carly Munroe awoke Thursday morning to find a gift card for a dead mouse inside her slippers left by her cat, Mittens. Ea…
Couple goes ahead with wedding despite pretty big sign from God
LONDON – After 2 years of dating, local couple Lauren and Travis May celebrated their undying love for each other by tying the knot despite the fairly obvious and extremely large sign from God t…
Girlfriend’s cat watching you pee again
Hamilton, ON – Late Friday night, your girlfriend’s cat, Cheddar, watched you relieve yourself again in your girlfriend’s en-suite bathroom, and frankly, you’ve had enough. “It doesn’t look…
REPORT: Couples most successful at quarantining when one a master of disguise
CALGARY – According to a new study from the University of Calgary’s Sociology Department, during the 2020 global pandemic the couples having the most success cohabitating are those where on…
Partner demanding you put away phone during movie overestimates how much attention Enola Holmes requires
TORONTO – After a pausing the movie they began watching for the twelfth time, couple Samira Haggarty and Calvin Delaney broke out into an explosive fight over whether or not Haggarty could …