INDIANAPOLIS — Citing his refusal to participate in any activity “that disrespects our soldiers, our Flag, or our National Anthem,” US Vice President voiced his displeasure with NFL players protesting during Sunday’s pre-game performance of The Star Spangled Banner by walking out mid-anthem.
“It just seemed like the patriotic thing to do,” Pence explained. “If those uppity, ungrateful millionaires are going to desecrate our anthem with their selfish displays of dignity and compassion, the least I can do is show my unwavering respect for the anthem by leaving before it’s even finished being sung.”
The former Indiana governor added that he regards the players’ protest of black men being systematically brutalized and/or murdered without consequence by law enforcement officials, “a slap in the face to the brave soldiers who fought and died for the rights that you and I enjoy every day, be it freedom of speech, or enjoying anonymous gay sex in a football stadium men’s room.”
The Vice-President encouraged NFL players to voice their displeasure in a more appropriate manner, “like those fine young men did in their return to Charlottesville this weekend. They waited until nightfall to show up with their torches, and staged a peaceful protest that I feel was deeply respectful to beautiful ideals of Adolf Hitler.”
While Pence conceded that the practice of playing the national anthem before sporting events was explicitly introduced in 1941 as a propaganda tactic aimed at drumming up support for US involvement in World War II, he categorically rejected suggestions that it may be time to end the increasingly pointless tradition.
“If anything, that’s why we should play it more than ever, given our upcoming involvement in World War III. Especially seeing as how we’re the ones starting it.”