When will there be a men’s earth day?
By: Karl Smith For the last of 47 years people all over the world have celebrated Earth Day to draw attention to environmental protection and for 47 years I have wondered when will there be a Men…
Westworld Season 2 Spoilers: The Park is just the Man in Black’s finished basement
As Season 2 of Westworld premiers, here are a few choice spoilers the Beaverton has obtained: 1) The Park is just the Man in Black’s Finished basement You’ll notice in Season 1, lots of questions…
Baha Men abandon multi-year investigation into who let the dogs out
NASSAU, BAHAMAS – After beginning a fruitless investigation into the identity of the person (or persons) who released 48 dogs from a Bahaman dog pound during a party in March 2000, internat…
Netflix greenlights reboot of 64,000-year-old cave painting
LOS GATOS, CA – Following the success of reboots/sequels like Fuller House, Gilmore Girls and Lost In Space, Netflix is now looking at humanity’s oldest artistic endeavor as a fresh yet pal…
Canadian tourist in London unsure if street hawker is selling authentic Royal Babies
LONDON – Despite the British vendor’s persuasive arguments, Canadian tourist Eric Forte remains unconvinced that the street merchant is actually selling the biological children of Kate Midd…
Idiot loser arrives at event on time
MONTRÉAL – Wishing to attend a concert at local music venue Le Mixtape, systems analyst Brent O’Connell recently arrived at the advertised start time of 8:00 pm like the complete moron that he is…
These 5 people now live in P.E.I. because they couldn’t pay the $47 Confederation Bridge toll
These five people couldn’t afford the $47.00 toll to take the bridge off of Prince Edward Island. So now they live there. It could happen to you! 1. https://depositphotos.com/search/tourist…
Health Canada suggests limiting alcohol to 2 drinks per day unless you’ve already had 3 in which case fuck it
OTTAWA—Health Canada has released new guidelines emphasizing the importance of consuming no more than 2 alcoholic units per day, but only if you haven’t had more than that, because if you have, t…
Dropped stainless steel water bottle ruptures eardrums within 40 km radius
MONTREAL — Disaster struck Monday when the sound of a stainless steel water bottle dropped on to a concrete floor ruptured the eardrums of everyone within the downtown core. The deafening e…
CBC fulfills mandate to produce distinctly Canadian wage gap
OTTAWA – Data released this week in response to a freedom of information request made by a University of Ottawa academic shows that female CBC presenters make 9% less than their male counte…
