SILICON VALLEY – The CEOs of OpenAI, Anthropic, and GrokAI have released a statement agreeing that claiming artificial intelligence “could potentially kill all humans” sounds mu…
Tech
Zuckerberg did not hear boat’s distress call because he had conversation muted
ALASKA – Despite his super yacht being the nearest vessel to a small boat in trouble, Mark Zuckerberg revealed the simple reason he did not respond to the distress call was that he had mute…
Tech CEOs warn Chinese AI could destroy the world faster than American AI can
SILICON VALLEY – American Tech CEOs issued a chilling warning that Chinese AI models have the potential to destroy the world more quickly and more cheaply than their American counterparts. …
Data centre proponents say facility will run on solar power and all of Lake Superior
THUNDER BAY, ON – A proposed hyperscale data centre just outside Thunder Bay is promising the construction will be 100% sustainable elements like rooftop solar panels to power the centre. T…
Carney assures Canadians that AI the fastest way to give all our money to US billionaires
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark has unveiled his new federal AI strategy, promising Canadians that artificial intelligence technology is the most advanced, efficient way to surrender all of ou…
“We see a future where intelligence is a utility, and people buy it from us” says Sam Altman from skull-shaped volcano lair
EVIL LAIR, SOUTH PACIFIC – OpenAI CEO Sam Altman has suggested that intelligence could someday be treated as a utility, with people paying him directly to access materials stolen from them …
AI tech mogul confused why expendable human capital booing him during commencement address
COLUMBUS, OH – Jack Smarnoff, CEO of tech firm Confinity AI, is reportedly confused as to why the graduating class of Ohio State University are loudly booing his commencement speech, specif…
Tech Bro loserdom forces nation to yearn for Finance Bros
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Admitting they “never thought it would come to this,” a rigorous poll of every American confirmed that the sustained humiliation of living under tech bro dominance has f…
Unstoppable technology of the future still begging people to use it
Silicon Valley, CA – Generative AI, the technology every company with a vested interest in saying so agrees will soon take over the world continues to have to beg users to try it. “AI…
Instagram, YouTube ordered to pay $300 million to anyone who’s not too distracted by their phones to claim it
MENLO PARK, CA – Following a jury decision that found sites like Instagram, Facebook and YouTube to be designed to be purposely addictive to children, the social media giants have been orde…
