VANCOUVER – After a series of emotionally devastating negotiations, John and Claire Timmons ended their divorce proceeding via Zoom with a pair of cheerless, gloomy finger guns. “Zoom was p…
Tech
Local woman’s Spotify Year in Review very sad, very horny
EDMONTON – Yesterday, Spotify released their annual ‘Wrapped’ feature, which reveals users’ most played music from the past year. However not all were impressed, including Jillian Langdon, …
New photo filter shows what your data will look like when it’s shared with fascist governments
EDMONTON – Fresh on the heels of FaceApp’s popular old-age filter, social media users have discovered a shiny new plaything: ChonkyBrah, an app that shows with uncanny accuracy what it will…
Uber driver has good chuckle about how he almost killed you both
TORONTO – This week, an Uber driver nearly drove his car into oncoming traffic, then made brief eye contact with you in the rearview mirror while chuckling about it. Rather than pulling over, or …
Money finally arrives in your account after harrowing 5-day transfer
TORONTO – Overcoming seemingly impossible odds after having faced a gruelling heroic journey deep within the bowels of the financial system, the $67.89 you transferred from PayPal to your b…
BREAKING: Phone dead, laptop dead, iPad dead, in tragic technology massacre
MONCTON, NB — Three Apple products were pronounced dead at the scene this morning in what law enforcements are calling, “A technology triple homicide.” “It is difficult for me to comprehend…
Facebook down: Millions of users took to the streets to yell out their personal data in hopes of being heard by advertisers, spy agencies
MENLO PARK, CA – Millions of loyal Facebook users took to the streets across North America and Europe to yell out their personal data during an outage earlier today. “I live in San Antonio,…
New privacy rules will require companies to store secret data in the deep ocean of a woman’s heart
OTTAWA – New privacy legislation going into effect this week will require companies to take steps to protect user data by storing it in the endless expanse of a woman’s heart. Recent …
Youtube outage forces millions to stay focused, accomplish tasks
SAN BRUNO, CA – Panic spread across the globe as millions of procrastinators discovered that Youtube had suffered an outage and they would have to spend a part of the evening finishing work they …
Tech company unveils universal charging cable that won’t fit any device
PALO ALTO — An exciting new product was revealed today that its creator claims will change the world by bringing people together “in global frustration.” “Finally we have …