The National Enquirer and two other publications, the Globe and the National Examiner, have been sold! According to our bombshell investigation, the buyer may have committed murder! And recently …
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BREAKING: Whoever getting on elevator at 2nd floor better be on fucking crutches
EDMONTON – Slowing down just a bit too early to already at the ground floor, sources inside a local apartment building elevator report this morning that the person who called the elevator o…
BREAKING: Leo and Pisces on date
THUNDER BAY, ON – Locals are in an uproar with sightings of known Pisces Savana Jennings and Patrick Alaster – a Leo – going on a date. “When we found out that Savana had asked …
BREAKING: 12 hours later, man realizes praise was sarcastic
DUNDAS, ON – A full half-day after the fact, local data entry technician Kyle Hood has locked himself in his car after realizing that the praise he received from his boss and co-workers had…
BREAKING: Packed Shoppers Drug Mart refuses to bring out another cashier
BRAMALEA, ON — In a scene described by onlookers as “the usual”, a bustling Shoppers Drug Mart refused to bring out a cashier during peak shopping hours. A single cashier, Peggy…
BREAKING: France okay with certain immigrants
MOSCOW, RUSSIA – After a high scoring 4 – 2 victory over Croatia in the 2018 World Cup finals, the entire nation of France announced Sunday that it finally embrace certain immigrants,…
Exclusive: A Canadian shoe smuggling mule who’s able to fit 9 pairs in his rectum when he crosses US border
FORT ERIE, ON – A Canadian shoe smuggler has gone to great lengths to remain undetected by border security revealing a dangerous game between cat and mouse. When US President Donald Trump w…
BREAKING: Roseanne hired as White House press secretary
WASHINGTON D.C. — After her rebooted sitcom was cancelled by ABC following the star’s racist tweets, actress Roseanne Barr has been hired as press secretary for the Trump White House. The t…
BREAKING: Man panics upon discovering karaoke song more than just chorus
WINNIPEG – Eyewitnesses are reporting that 32 year old customer service representative Evan Legault is having difficulty keeping it together after taking the stage at a local karaoke bar to…
Kombucha makers urge public to “stay calm” following the escape of rogue scoby
GUELPH, ON – The makers of Calm Brew brand kombucha held a press conference today to tell local residents to “not panic” after a scoby – the living symbiotic colony of bacteria and yeast re…