NORTH AMERICA – New research shows that the number of police officers that are apprehended and brought to justice for incidents of police brutality against black people remain criminally lo…
Breaking
Police seek public’s help identifying looters
American authorities are asking for the public’s help in a nationwide manhunt for two men caught on camera looting during a time of emergency. Witnesses say the men pictured took advantage of a h…
Breaking: U.S. government
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After chugging along for almost 250 years, the U.S. government looks to be on its last legs. “It’s not the oldest government, and by virtually every metric it’…
Breaking: Irresponsible friend offering to babysit as a ‘favour’
Victoria, BC – In an act that witnesses described as ‘misguided’ and ‘galling”, well known irresponsible friend, Toby Gortham has offered to babysit David and Carly Worthing’s 2-year-old so…
BREAKING: Somebody liked a pic you posted two years ago
THE INTERNET – Social media notifications have confirmed that a photo of yourself that you posted more than two years ago on a day when you felt cute has received a new like, prompting a de…
Breaking: man lies about dating teenager, but not in the way you’d expect
LOS ANGELES – Musician and former famous person Moby is in the news for resolutely insisting he dated actress Natalie Portman when he was in his mid-thirties and she was a Harvard freshman …
National Enquirer sold to secret weight gain murderer!
The National Enquirer and two other publications, the Globe and the National Examiner, have been sold! According to our bombshell investigation, the buyer may have committed murder! And recently …
BREAKING: Whoever getting on elevator at 2nd floor better be on fucking crutches
EDMONTON – Slowing down just a bit too early to already be at the ground floor, sources inside a local apartment building elevator report this morning that the person who called the elevato…
BREAKING: Leo and Pisces on date
THUNDER BAY, ON – Locals are in an uproar with sightings of known Pisces Savana Jennings and Patrick Alaster – a Leo – going on a date. “When we found out that Savana had asked …
BREAKING: 12 hours later, man realizes praise was sarcastic
DUNDAS, ON – A full half-day after the fact, local data entry technician Kyle Hood has locked himself in his car after realizing that the praise he received from his boss and co-workers had…