NEW YORK CITY – BuzzFeed is encouraging readers to design their dream Disney date to help them determine which of the 70 journalists, producers, editors, and other workers they just laid off they…
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Breaking: Wrong person responds to thirst trap
MONTREAL – In a devastating turn of events, we can report that this evening the wrong person has responded to your thirst trap. The undeniably hot photo you recently posted – lounging…
International pedophile ring brought down by guy whose profile pic is a sunset
HUNTSVILLE, ON – A global ring of wealthy, politically connected child traffickers has been exposed and subsequently brought to justice by a guy on Facebook whose profile photo is a low-res…
Update: More murder hornets imprisoned this year than killer cops
NORTH AMERICA – New research shows that the number of police officers that are apprehended and brought to justice for incidents of police brutality against black people remain criminally lo…
Police seek public’s help identifying looters
American authorities are asking for the public’s help in a nationwide manhunt for two men caught on camera looting during a time of emergency. Witnesses say the men pictured took advantage of a h…
Breaking: U.S. government
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After chugging along for almost 250 years, the U.S. government looks to be on its last legs. “It’s not the oldest government, and by virtually every metric it’…
Breaking: Irresponsible friend offering to babysit as a ‘favour’
Victoria, BC – In an act that witnesses described as ‘misguided’ and ‘galling”, well known irresponsible friend, Toby Gortham has offered to babysit David and Carly Worthing’s 2-year-old so…
BREAKING: Somebody liked a pic you posted two years ago
THE INTERNET – Social media notifications have confirmed that a photo of yourself that you posted more than two years ago on a day when you felt cute has received a new like, prompting a de…
Breaking: man lies about dating teenager, but not in the way you’d expect
LOS ANGELES – Musician and former famous person Moby is in the news for resolutely insisting he dated actress Natalie Portman when he was in his mid-thirties and she was a Harvard freshman …
National Enquirer sold to secret weight gain murderer!
The National Enquirer and two other publications, the Globe and the National Examiner, have been sold! According to our bombshell investigation, the buyer may have committed murder! And recently …