OTTAWA – Officials at the Governor General’s residency has asked Canada’s vice regal to scale back her ambitious space race side-project and return to the more traditional ceremonial duties.
Julie Payette has spent most of her time developing her GG Cosmic spacecraft capable of carrying tourists deep into the cosmos, and expects to beat eccentric billionaires like Elon Musk and Richard Branson in the commercial space travel race. However, her procrastination from the more mundane tasks as a symbolic figurehead have started to bother her staff.
“The neighbours complained about yesterday’s test launch,” said one military attache. “Some windows were broken and the tulip garden was roasted beyond recognition, so we’ve kindly asked that she reduce the amount of time she has dedicated to this project.”
Thermal tiles and three empty rocket boosters litter Rideau Hall’s lawn and her 10 m tall spacecraft has been criticized for taking away the royal mystique of the residency.
“Her Excellency has disassembled my lawnmower and stole the engine,” said one of the groundskeepers. “She said she was t going to need it as a cooling system or something.”
Despite repeated pleas and reminders to sign legislation and hand out medals, Payette refuses to until she figures out how to design the spacecraft to ensure a safe re-entry into the atmosphere without compromising size.
At press time, Payette was spending her free time looking for other jobs.