Please don’t make me risk getting COVID to teach, especially that prick Noah

By: Cathy Mitglied, grade 5 teacher The Ontario government has announced that in September schools will reopen with regular class sizes and curriculum. Although they say there will be “enha…

Canadian and Mexican governments hope U.S. doesn’t notice tunnel being built underneath it

NORTH AMERICA – Despite being undiscovered since April, Canadian and Mexican officials are remaining firm in keeping the massive tunnel allowing travel between the two countries by going be…

Search and rescue for matching Tupperware lid in kitchen drawer enters 5th hour

EDMONTON – Authorities have confirmed that a search and rescue operation for a lid to match the Tupperware container sitting on the kitchen counter of a local homeowner has now passed the four-ho…

Canadian Army stands down after Schitt’s Creek gets 15 Emmy nominations

OTTAWA – A violent international incident has been averted as the U.S.-based Academy of Television Arts & Sciences recognized the final season of the Canadian TV show Schitt’s Creek wit…

Disney World Darth Vader actually having trouble breathing

ORLANDO, FL – Numerous Disney World customers were annoyed after one of the actors playing Darth Vader actually had trouble breathing due to contracting corona-virus from park patrons. “It …

I support free speech unless someone tells me I am wrong

By J.K. Rowling Dear Potterheads, I know you may be angry with me about some recent ‘truth potions’ I threw your way. But before you go and judge me please remember; I will sue you. I feel it is …

2020 Song of Summer is your colleagues yelling “You’re on mute!”

TORONTO, ON – After several weeks of indecision, it was finally revealed that the official 2020 summer song is your colleagues yelling “You’re On Mute!” Sure to be a classic for years to co…

Kielburgers start ethics committee testimony by asking if MPs want to donate to WE Charity

OTTAWA – In their opening statements before the committee investigating alleged conflicts of interest between them and Justin Trudeau in the awarding of the student grant program, Craig and…

Shocking! This Millennial on CERB chose to spend it on goods, services

MISSISSAUGA — Kristin has been out of work since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, and has been receiving $2000 monthly payments as part of the Canada Emergency Response Benefit. She recently a…

Rookie MLB player achieves dream of playing in front of 45,000 empty seats

NEW YORK – Yankees rookie Chris Buford realised a lifelong dream yesterday after stepping onto the field in front of more than 45,000 empty plastic seats in his MLB debut. “It’s incredible,…