University of Waterloo: The Beaverton University Reviews

Name: University of Waterloo Nickname: Ol’ Lotta Geese Motto: 01100101 01101110 01100111 01101001 01101110 01100101 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 0010000…

Justice Minister Peter MacKay admits to not fully understanding Canadian ‘legal thingy’

New Glasgow, NS – Justice Minister Peter MacKay faced a “surprisingly difficult and uncomfortable” line of questioning concerning the Canadian legal system while visiting Mrs. MacDonald’s grade f…

Dr. Abraxas’ University for Students Who Definitely Don’t Have Mutant Powers: University Reviews 2013

Name: Doctor Abraxas’ University for Students Who Definitely Don’t Have Mutant Powers Nickname: Ol’ Normal Motto: “It is just a coincidence that government agents develop headaches when they get …

Carleton University: University Reviews 2013

Name: Carleton University Nickname: Ol’ Cemented and Demented Motto: The “K” Stands for “Quality” History:  Founded in 1942, it is said that Carleton was originally built to hide an enormous, sub…

Thousand monkeys fill thousand typewriters with poop

MONTREAL – Sealed in the “Monkey Chamber” beneath Redpath library, the thousand monkeys tasked with creating the next great work of English literature have succeeded only in filling their t…

CN: Train drivers just too ahead of the curve for old fashioned tracks

CALGARY – CN has declared that the recent spate of train derailments stem from the overtraining and high talent level of the drivers. “Part of the problem is our train conductors are …

NHL bans concussions

TORONTO – In response to the number of severe head injuries professional hockey players have suffered in recent years, the National Hockey League has banned all players from getting concuss…

Middle-aged white guys economic champions for the 1153rd consecutive year

WASHINGTON – The IMF has released its annual economic winners and losers list and the reigning champions, the middle-aged white male demographic, have topped the list for the 1153rd year in…

Mayor Ford officially ruins sex

TORONTO – Embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford ruined intercourse for thousands of Torontonians today when he implanted the image of him passionately engaging in cunnilingus in their minds fore…

Local knob peruses entire craft beer menu before choosing same thing as companion

WINNIPEG – After exhaustively skimming the entire craft beer menu at neighborhood bar the Wheat Sheaf, 31-year-old jagoff Craig Benson eventually ordered the exact same beverage as his companion …