WASHINGTON – A decapitated US Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says there are no concerns about his health.
“Everything is fine,” said the body of McConnell speaking from his neck cavity. “The American people can anticipate that I will continue serving the same way as I always do. These strange bruises and bandages on my hands are of no concern.”
Reporters avoided questioning the Senator’s other evident injuries including a javelin sticking out of his back.
The Kentucky representative is running for his seventh term and is widely expected to win along with other long-time Congressmen including an urn containing ashes of a former representative running in Texas.